What do your guys really think of.....

Deb34 · 08-24-2006, 10:31 PM

your big somewhat droopy breasts and jiggly bellies?

I'm in the very early stages of a new relationship and i really don't know if i want to carry it into serious territory because i really can't stand the sight of my own breasts/belly. I can't imagine letting him see/touch them and i'm afraid he will be as grossed out as i am. BTW, i'm a 34H and my lower belly hangs down quite a bit, not just a little pudge.

Any of you larger ladies care to comment on how your SO really feels and thinks about your bodies? Am i just projecting my own disgust onto others and they really don't bother other people that much?

It would really help me out if anyone could mention direct quotes from your husbands or boyfriends about how they really feel about your real woman body not the ideal woman body...i need to get a pulse on how real men really think/feel about this issue....i'm too scared to commit to anything deeper because of this fear i have. But i'm also scared that he will leave because i can't let it go farther...i just want to relax and stop obsessing but i need to hear real life comments....

thanks ladies in advance(and any husbands/boyfriends that would like to comment in general, i would also love to hear from....)

if you ladies could survey your men and report back, that would be great too....

Kameyan · 08-24-2006, 11:00 PM

Well my husband isn't exactly Mr. Super Fine himself but I will tell what a girlfriend of mine told me. It liberated me to be able to wear sleeve less shirts. She was fluffy like me and I mentioned how I was self conscience about having my fat arms out and she said that a old lady once told her that "It ain't like we don't know your arm is fat just cause you got it covered up." I mean really it isn't like when we have on clothes we look like Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie. What I am saying is that if your significant other likes you enough to date you then he probably isn't going to be offended by your body. It really is going to depend on the person you are with. I know many mean who don't like skinny women. They want women with some meat on there bone. Then some who prefer skinny don't care if they like you enough it doesn't matter. Beside do you really want to be with someone who wouldn't treat you according to your inner beauty?

KatrinaAnne · 08-24-2006, 11:08 PM

((Big hugs sweetheart))

Please don't let your insecurities hold you back from entering into what could be a fulfilling, committed, beautiful relationship. I was a lot like you sweetheart...but this summer, on June 10th I married a wonderful man named Salem.

I never wanted to let myself get close to anyone, at least in a relationship type way...or an intimate way because I was so self secure of my body...but I let myself with Salem, because he was so amazing, that I did not want to push him away. If you like someone, and you want to try a relationship, but the only thing that is holding you back is your own insecurities, please, please don't let it....

I am a large woman...and Salem loves my body...just the way it is. He is attracted by it and finds me beautiful. Sometimes I wonder how, because I do not find myself beautiful, but he really does find me beautiful. He tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am....and he loves my body. He loves me emotionally and physically...some of the things I consider flaws he considers unique and beautiful....Salem has often said to me "I love your body...everything about it...the way it moves, the way it looks, the way it feels...it is just beautiful."

In relationships...we have to be vulnerable...and just jump in...

I bet you anything, this guy is attracted to you and turned on by you...now all you have to do is let him be into you as much as he is!

::HUGS::

LaurAnnHere · 08-24-2006, 11:11 PM

My DH can't keep his hands of my little saggy boobs and he thinks I'm sexy. Though, for the life of me, I can't imagine how anyone could possibly find me sexy, he does. Love is blind.

ryanandwendy · 08-24-2006, 11:19 PM

Ok, I'm very very self-concious (spelling) about my belly and droppy boobs. Yes I'm only 24 but I'm way over weight. I'm working on it! And so I decided to join WW's, well the other day while i was posting a reply on the website about my goal weight, which is 200lbs. which i still think is heavy, but hubby said "baby, there won't be anything left of you to hold" so some people prefer heavier women, and some don't, don't let they ones that prefer smaller women hold you back from a great relationship. I love my hubby with all my heart, we have a great marriage. And I know that he loves me regardless what I look like. Feel free to send me an e-mail or message anytime you need to talk.

MommyJenny74 · 08-24-2006, 11:20 PM

My hubby is in love w/ me: my fat, my big boobs, everything. He whistles at me when I get out of the shower, and I'm thinking, huh? Is there someone else in here? But seriously, he has told me more than once that he just couldn't have married a really skinny woman. He likes to have something to hold on to, and with me, he got a lot!

We've been married 10 years now and have 3 children and he still tells me I am so sexy. Whenever I go out w/ my girlfriends he always asks if I'm wearing my wedding band! Says he wants to make sure that every guy who sees me knows I'm taken!

You are beautiful, and I'll just bet he loves all of you, just for being you.

Hugs
Jenny

LadyDionysus · 08-24-2006, 11:24 PM

Ugh, boobs! Especially since I lost weight, mine seem extra droopy now. I'm only 22, they should be perky, not droopy! I always think that if I were to choose one place to have surgery, a boob lift it would be.

I tend to hide myself behind sheets and such when I am with him. While he knows I am self conscious, he is always telling me that I shouldn't worry about covering up, that he thinks I am beautiful and quite appealing.

bec415 · 08-25-2006, 02:24 PM

i'm most self conscious about my huge saggy belly, i'm alot more comfortable with the droopy boobs now. but i've never felt comfortable with a guy seeing or touching my stomach and i've decided i'm not going to start another relationship until i've lost most of it.

Tracyarts · 08-25-2006, 03:16 PM

Husband is of the opinion that "all boobs bigger than a handful are _good_". And natural soft breasts are nicer than fake rubbery ones.

Boyfriend says they are "beautiful" and the fact that they are not perky doesn't bother him one bit.

Husband really doesn't say much about my stomach, but that includes never complaining about it either. It's just part of me. He has his own body "flaws" so no big deal.

Boyfriend corrected me and told me that my rolls and belly were my "curves" and nothing to be ashamed of at all. I think he quite likes all the softness to tell the truth.

So, nope... neither mind either. In fact, if I had to guess I'd say both belly and boobs are considered good things in my happy but unconventional love life...

Tracy

Deb34 · 08-25-2006, 03:27 PM

thanks everybody. i'm reading your replies and messages and i'm so happy that you have wonderful guys who don't worry if you're skinny and so on.

I guess i just afraid that my new friend will be one of those guys who only likes skinny girls to be romantic with...i have lots of guy "friends" but none of them has ever wanted to be more than that with me....

I have a ton of friends who really like me and we always have great times together so i know that i'm not socially stunted or anything, i can talk to almost anybody and carry on good conversation etc.

I just keep it at that level because i have this visceral reaction of loathing deep in my soul each time i contemplate moving to the physical side of things and exposing my body to anyone. I'm well covered all of the time and intellectually i realize that no one really cares how i look but I really care!!

Maybe i need therapy...but can't afford it...

thanks for letting me rant...

k9hughes · 08-25-2006, 05:01 PM

I think in general we are SO much harder on ourselves then the average man will EVER be. While we are preoccupied with what sticks out here and what is rolling there all our men our focused on is the pleasure of it all...OH how we cheat ourselves!!!! I too am blessed with a wonderful husband who has loved and appreciated me at every weight and incarnation my body has taken in our marriage. I lost quite a lot of weight a couple years ago, and to this day he refuses to admit that at my heaviest I was overweight, but insists that I was curvy like a woman should be. He does NOT like skinny women, and while I study the celeb magazines dreaming of a body like theirs, he comes and makes disgusted sounds about how gross he thinks that look is. He says that women should have curves and not look like 12 yr old boys, or like "predators" lol. That being said, I think we really have to realize how much this garbage consumes us....and I will tell you that I personally believe it has more to do with how you see yourself than what your body really looks like. Speaking from experience, losing the weight is not necessarily a magic pill for these feelings...you just find other things to focus on. I think we really have to be conscious of how we are thinking of ourselves...hopefully none of us would put up with a SO who was as hard and lets face it, emotionally ABUSIVE to us as we are to ourselves! As far as whether to take your relationship to the physical level, I agree with everyone who said that if he didn't already care about you for who you are he wouldn't be there. And yes, there's a vulnerability involved, but really you have nothing to lose. The worst that would really happen is things wouldn't work out, but if you don't at least give it a chance you'll never even know if it COULD have worked out!! Hang in there ladies, and try to be as kind to yourself as you are to each other!! Hugs!

haeneleh · 08-25-2006, 08:06 PM

My DH loves me just the way I am - saggy boobs, caboose, and all...He always says he prefers real women to plastic and, while he'd like me to be healthy, it didn't matter what size I came in. (Lucky for him!!)

sharleenia · 08-26-2006, 03:53 AM

My husband loves all of me. He has often said how sexy I am and how he is proud to be married to me. I am so thankful for him. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I think he is the sexiest man in the world, even though he himself has some extra fluff.

He once said to me, "baby, I don't want you to change anything. I'll love you no matter what." It's taken me almost five years to believe that. We've been married for almost three but together for almost five. He is so amazing....I love him so much. He's also been my rock through being diagnosed diabetic AND bipolar. I've treated him horribly at times but he has stuck by me through the worst I could ever be.

I agree with the person who said if you are dating someone and they see you and know what you look like clothed, then they will love you naked. My belly really hangs low (the lower part), and it disgusts me. I really have a lot of hatred for my body, but as long as my hubby is happy with me, then I shouldn't worry, right?

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!

share3232 · 08-26-2006, 05:45 AM

Hubby says the bigger the boobs the better. He doesn't mind the belly. He just wants me to be happy and healthy.

MissExtremist · 08-26-2006, 06:06 AM

Well, i feel pretty deformed especially for my age. I went from having the perfect body to a body of a chunky 60 year old lady. My boobs use to be so perfect that i didnt have to wear a bra for 4 years then once i started to gain weight BAM they fell! I hang so low now and almost look deflated and flatten so i call them my "flap jacks". I always had a lil fat in my lower stomach even when i was like 120lbs but then my stoamch blew up and i looked pregnant when i was not but ever since i had a c-section it hangs and is really lopsided.

As for how i feel, It's pretty depressing. I am hoping once i lose all my weight that my belly will look somewhat decent but i have no expectations of it being "ideal". Ive come to terms that i am pretty screwed with the boobs.

As for how my hubby feels about it.....pretty disgusted. It's a miracle if he ever touchs me- it's been like that for 4 years since my PCOS came into full swing. He never said anything bad but i get the idea. I think he thought it was my fault ( blaming it on my love for Chocolate) until recently when i got DX and he now realizes how serious this is . Now his sympatheic response was " Now all i see is PCOS when i look at you" meaning, all the things that went wrong with me physically , he knows it's the PCOS and not the "real" me . Ah, and i just wanna say " yeah thanks for understanding but you dont help my self-esteem by avoiding me like the plague" . I dont know what his deal is, but im sick of feeling like some monster when i know i dont look THAT bad!

Ah, Im jealous of you girls who husbands still have LUST for them!