I had my m/c when I was young and unmarried (I'm still both) so I feel like I never got the chance to grieve because I had to pretend like it never happened. My extended family was never told about it, and only a few of my close friends knoew what happened. The m/c is never spoken about in my immediate family although everyone knows about it. Even though my story is unique in some ways, I think that alot of people have the same problems. It's hard to go on with everday activities after a m/c. Other people don't know how to talk to you about it, and often, you don't know how to talk to other people about it. Alot of girls think that they should just ignore it so as not to bother anyone else or make others uncomfortable.
I think this is a role that we women fall into very easily. We put others before ourselves and bury our emotions within ourselves.
I was very emotional for the past five years after it happened and it wasn't until about 3 months ago that I decided I needed to cope and not ignore it. One thing that has really helped me a whole lot is having a memorial. Even though Leisi is in my heart for ever, I thought it was so unfair that I didn't have a grave site or someplace to go to in order to be close to her. Just because she was undeveloped doesn't make her less than a person. With the advice of my Wonderful BF, I planted a tree in her memory and bought a siver necklace of a teddy bear. I wear the necklace everyday, and when I feel very emotional and sad, I go sit next to the tree and think about her. The actual process of planting and taking care of the tree helped me let go of some of my feelings.
I know the healing process is slow and difficult but this helped me and I am hoping that maybe it will help some of you. Good luck and I am always here to support all of you.
Maybe if you have some ways about how you dealt with your pain, you can post them here so others can read them and maybe help them.
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Leisi was only with me for 15 weeks, but she's in my heart forever My little teddy bear
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I bought a picture frame for each baby I lost, with a birthstone signifying the month in which each one was due. In each frame is a picture of an angel.
I used the loss of my babies to educate others (on recurrent pregnancy loss and blood clotting disorders) by appearing in a local TV segment about the topic on July 31. If you would like to see the segment, click on the link at the end of my signature. (warning, PG is mentioned in the segment)
Upon each BFP I started a journal for each pregnancy, and I keep every one of them handy and look at them often.
When I get a mother's ring or charm bracelet, it will include the should-have-been-birthstones of every one of my children, including the ones that didn't make it.
There are other things, but these are the most significant, in my opinion...
__________________ Lean cyster ~ M/c @ 10 wks after seeing heartbeat 8/04, m/c @ about 10 weeks after seeing heartbeat 8-09. 2 chemical PGs lost @ 4.5 wks 1/05 & 3/05. 4/05: Dx w/antiphospholipid antibody syndrome.
I got a necklace with a tiny angel on it that has her birthstone for the head, we also have a gravesite. I also volunteered with the Angel Teddy Bear Foundation which makes me feel like I am giving her life more meaning and honor.
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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All these ideas are wonderful. DH and I haven't done anything yet, as our m/c is still very new, but we have talked about planting a tree. I had told DH when we first got pregnant that I wanted to plant a tree for everyone of our children, even though we only plan on staying in TX for another 5-7 years, and after we lost our baby, I told him I still wanted to plant a tree. I also like the idea of a piece of jewelry with the baby's birthstone in it. I don't ever wear necklaces or braclets though, so I'm going to have to find something else. I might have to just get over that and buy a necklace though, because I like that idea the best. Thank you for starting this thread - I hope it will help a lot of women cope and find ways to express their grief instead of internalizing it. And I pray the same for you as well, JeEliza.
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me - 30 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. dh - 28
dx 5/5/05
BFP 7/19/05....missed m/c 9/05
BFP (clomid 50mg + trigger + IUI) - 4/30/06!
Twin boys born @ 33wks... 29 days in the NICU
BFP (clomid 25mg + trigger + IUI) - 12/19/08!
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These things are so great! I hope some of these ideas will help all you Cysters out there who are struggling with the loss of your baby. It isn't easy but these ideas are a great way to start!!
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Leisi was only with me for 15 weeks, but she's in my heart forever My little teddy bear
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What I did to cope... 
If you would like to see the segment, click on the link at the end of my signature. (warning, PG is mentioned in the segment)
