What Next?

amymichele · 03-16-2009, 11:45 PM

So we decided to go with adoption instead of IVF. So where do we go now? I have narrowed our choices to either going through the state, or a private in state adoption. I would like to be able to choose more than one state for the adoptions.. so how do i do that/ how much is the avg private adoption/ what is our next step? what do I need to get together before we call someone?? i need to start a photo album, get all our records togethere.. birth certificates, marriage license... stuff like that.. look in a homestudy (anybody know of a good place in OK?) and then what??
Do we have to have a room ready when they do the homestudy?" empty room? how do we set that up? what else??? we will more than likely start all of this in about six months.. but i want all the info I can get. I want to get my PCOS under control...

any help would be much appreciated

calches · 03-17-2009, 12:45 AM

1st Welcome to the wonderful journey of adoption...it's got it ups and down like ttc...but it is so worth it!

O.k. I am in Texas! We used an actual homestudy agency for ours...b/c we had a situation through a friend of friend...and got everything lined up (failed...) anyhow, I did a google search of homestudy agencies in your area:

http://www.heritagefamilyservices.org/

Call them and ask how much the h/s is going to be. Start from there. If that is the route that you want to go. Some agencies require that you use their services for the h/s which means that if you already have one done then you are going to have to pay again (trust me the logic isn't there buy they make it sound like it is). So if you decide to change you are going to need to ask if they will accept yours. There are websites where you can search for situations. These situations have primarily been passed up by the PAP's that are within the agency that is posting...but for whatever reason they are being posted. These agencies will accept your h/s as long as it is current and meets the state requirements where the bm is going to be from (if not from OK). The sites are: http://www.handstohold.com http://www.adoptionplan.com There are tons more you can do a search on them. We actually got our match through handstohold. They are awesome!

2nd...yes go ahead and get your physicals done so that you have that...and get all of your marriage license/div licenses all of that together...when you start the h/s they are going to send you a paperwork and they will tell you what you are needing.

Another thing on the room, when we had ours done they weren't looking for it to be done...just that we had the room.

Have you been to any info meetings on state adoption? If you are also going to consider that that would be the place to start.

Good luck!

Amberlyn · 03-22-2009, 04:16 PM

My suggestion would be to talk to the different agencies (if there's more than one) and decide which one you want to use. Once you make that decision, they'll tell you everything you need for your home study. I would actually wait on physicals if I were you; I only say that because for ours, we had to take the agency's form with us for our physicals to have the doctor fill it out.

Our home study cost $1300 and took a few months, but a good part of that is just waiting for various things to happen, it's not as bad as it sounds. I asked our adoption counselor ahead of time if she wanted us to have a room ready, explaining that we never got it ready because we were going through infertility and it was too painful to look at an empty room. She said, "heavens no!" They just wanted to make sure the room was there and that our home was a decent, safe place for a kid to grow up. Don't drive yourself nuts cleaning, just make sure things are tidy and neat. (We DID drive ourselves nuts cleaning, and even though she was at our house for about three hours, most of that was watching some adoption DVDs and discussing them. The actual home tour was five minutes or less.)

Remember that laws are different for each state, so you may need to provide more than others have, or less. Your agency can help with all of that. So far, even though we just had a BM back out on us, the experience as a whole has been wonderful and I look forward to the next match. I wish you luck on your journey! It's quite a ride!

Jewels · 03-26-2009, 04:29 AM

I would check around with different agencies. They usually offer free informative meetings and that way you can really get a feel for who they are and their fees etc. Each state has their own regulations about advertising, facilitators, agencies, adoption attorneys etc. and the agencies can tell you more about your state. Homestudies vary in cost greatly. 3 years ago when we did ours we paid I think $1200 for ours and a friend of mine in NY paid just $300! So there are some pretty big differences in costs. Our agency actually worked on a sliding scale fee too.

I would wait on getting your physicals because we had to have a form filled out for our agency while we were there.

It's not crucial you have a nursery waiting but you have to be able to show that you have a safe place for your baby to come home to.

Good luck on your journey to becoming a mommy!
Julia