I have three friends and their families visiting me in October. One woman just had a baby, the other has a baby and is pregnant, and the third is pregnant for the first time. They have all admitted to getting pregnant on their first or second month off of contraception.
The thing is, I know that they are going to ask me when and why I don't have children. There are very few people who know about my fertility issues. I'm a little sensitive about it and I really don't want them to "feel sorry" for me. I don't want to explain it in great detail either because I may just breakdown.
To add to this, I'm also a little embarrassed about some weight gain. They haven't seen me in a while, and I've put on 20 lbs.
How can I tell them nicely (without breaking down) that I'm not as fortunate as them? Do you think I need to explain why I've ballooned in the last little while? I'm tired of dodging questions, but I don't want this to be a pity party!!
__________________ Emmy
Me (30) DH (33)
TTC #1 since 09/27/2005 BFP 02/16/2008 & Missed miscarriage 04/11/2008 BFP 12/16/2008 - Due August 23, 2009
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I personally have given myself permission to say (or not to say!) as much as I want about my PCOS. I have had it long enough now that I'm pretty comfortable with just "spilling my guts" about it. But that's not to say that I do in every situation!
Perhaps you could explain that you have been diagnosed with a hormonal syndrome but you are taking positive steps to control it? Whatever you say or don't say, it's great that you are getting together with your friends, that takes courage when it's friends who aren't "cysters"!
Best of luck cyster
Jenny
__________________ Jenny(30) Josh (30) married 3/30/96
PCOS dx 1/03
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"Well, I have a hormonal disorder that's making it difficult but we're still hopeful."
I don't know... I think whatever you say or don't say is fine. Whatever you are comfortable with. I personally think it is pretty inappropriate for women to always be pressing other women on when they are going to have children. If they wind up in a situation where they feel bad it is their fault for asking. You don't have to worry about being nice about it... they must not be too worried about being nice themselves if they are asking, even if they are well intentioned. GL!
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I think it's entirely appropriate to tell them that the subject of your fertility/child bearing plans are off limits, if that's what you choose.
Personally, I tend to be rather blunt--I have PCOS, I refuse to be embarrassed about it, and people asking personal questions are told the full deal.
But that's your choice, whatever level of medical disclosure you're comfortable with is up to you. You could tell them about PCOS, you could tell them simply that you are dealing with a medical problem that you don't wish to discuss either.
No matter what you decide, you don't owe people an explanation just because they are asking you personal questions.
__________________ -diagnosed 1/2004
-treating with diet and exercise
-mom to 5 furkids, Patrick the greyhound, Gretta and Samantha the rabbits, Sophie and Rosie the guinea pigs, and 4 guinea pigs waiting at the Bridge.
-working on a PhD in American History
The thing is, I know that they are going to ask me when and why I don't have children.
You could casually say, "You know, I was wondering the same thing, so I went to the doctor, and it turns out I'm not ovulating regularly. I'm being treated, so hopefully things will turn around soon. Till then, I'll just dote on your kids..."
Or something like that. It a) explains that there's a medical reason b) communicates that you're under a doctor's care and c) turns the conversation back on their kids.
Just a suggestion.
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Hey, SoulCysters! Need to eat more veggies, but can't find recipes??
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I see their questions as an opportunity to talk about PCOS. I usually tell more than people WANT to know. LOL I have gotten so excited about my discoveries that I can say it with out breaking down.
I usually tell people it will happen when it happens - had to say that one for 7yrs!!! Even after people knew something wasn't right they would ask when we were having another one. I don't think people realize how much those questions can hurt.
Have a good time with them! We all look a little different when we haven't seen each other in awhile.
__________________ Tam
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Mother to 4 DD's
Anna DeEtte - 4/5/95
Mackenzie Grace - 7/30/04
Edyn Alexandra - 8/3/05
Kathryn Nicole - 2/26/08
Dx w/Dermoid cyst in 1994
Dx w/PCOS 10/03
Tough situation....
The way I have approached this is by telling people directly. I know it takes a lot to explain the "I have PCOS" statement, but they asked for it. I'm done with being nice too. It is a very personal question to ask, so it is really none of their business.
I'm sorry if I seem harsh, I'm just sick of being asked, "When are you going to start your family." There should be a list of inappropriate questions to ask people.
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3 Rounds - Follistim
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Miscarried 7/25/07 at 8 weeks
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I think it is up to you if you want to tell others you have PCOS.
I don't tell people. I am not embarressed about it. I don't want people's pity or them talking about it behind my back. The way I feel, it is none of their business why I do not have kids.
So when people ask if I have kids, I say no and say it in a way that I don't want to be asked about it any further.
I also think that because of my age, people don't go into it further.
But that is me.
You have to decide if you want to explain it or not.
I tell people but for a different reason. I feel like alot of women treat gyn problems as a taboo subject. If people talked about these issues more, I think there would be a greater understanding of different problems. Also, I would never have been diagnosed if my aunt hadn't heard about PCOS from her daughter in law. I figure someone I tell might say something to someone who might ask their dr and find out some answers.
As far as the friends go, while they'll never really understand your journey, support and pity aren't the same things. If they really care about you, I'd tell them what Kat said.
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I always am completley open about it, If i just say "I have PCOS" people ask me what it is... so i tell them. im not embarrassed or ashamed about it, its something that us women have to live with. I think the more people know the more they can understand. I am open with it, and anything new that i find out i also share,
I personally just don't like to tell people, full stop. i know from the people i mix with they generally don't understand it and either ignore it or act like it's the worst thing in the world. For God's sake, it's not cancer. enough with the pity. As for kids, that i feel is really nobody else's business and i can get v. rude when asked about it.
I have told my close friends, and some of them don't really seem to care one iota about it, but i've found one friend who is really supportive. she seems to be just as curious as me about the whole thing and was fascinated about the link between ir and pcos.
If you feel that you can/want to tell them then i would suggest saying what kat said.
__________________ Sarah Age:22 Student dx: sept 2005 (but have been told that i probably had it since puberty - i agree To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ) meds: none, am trying to beat this thing To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. with diet and exercise To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. .
Possible/probable ir, but i haven't gone back to endo yet because i'm trying to do this w/o meds.
ibs dx: 2001 - mebeverine when necessary.
If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up too much space.
there are a few people that know about my fertily also my family knows i just haven't been able too but that is really it only ny grandma and aunt really know i have problems with ovulation and pcos and even then i really get embrassed to say anything because i start to want to cry and don't want them to feel sorry for me either ,,,,,,,,,,i think you should just say let them know you are going to the doctor for infertily and see what the doctor tells you,,,,,,,and thats it or maybe its better if you did beak down and let it all out so you can understand and they can give you strength and postive vibes,,,,,
What is a NICE way to say that I have PCOS? 
i know how you feel i am the same way 
