At What Point did you decide to adopt?

lkelsey · 07-08-2003, 01:38 AM

My DH and I have decided to adopt. I have decided I do not want the process of trying to conceive going on forever. It has been almost 3 years of trying and I would like to begin my family.
When did you all decide you were done trying and were ready to adopt? How far did you go with treatments? Thanks for your replies.

dna · 07-08-2003, 09:09 AM

Hi There

Congrats on your decision to adopt

DH and I have wanted a family since we first got together, almost 9 years ago now. We tried and tried without getting into treatments too heavily (we did clomid and some trigger shots) and then decided to use the $$ from treatments to adopt

I think it was probly the happiest day of my life to know I didn't have to go thru treatments anymore unless we chose once again to endure it...
Now we have our son home and he is wonderful

and although this shouldnt be in the same sentence as a child, our sex life has improved too !! less stress !!

Good luck in your journey to become a family

Take Care
Amy

websissy · 07-08-2003, 12:51 PM

We considered adoption when we started infertility treatment, but made the final decision to start our journey after my 3rd miscarriage, last October. We didn't decide to quit trying to have a baby though - and ended up pregnant in March of this year. Currently, our adoption plans are on hold, but still want to adopt (possibly next year).

I was ovulating with metformin - so infertilty treatment was basically just good old fashioned "keep trying and hoping". We did have cycles over our 20 months of treatment where we had IUI's, clomid, and HSG's.

FamilyBound · 07-08-2003, 12:58 PM

For us it took us too long to finally go through with the process -- we had been TTCing for four years, and though we dabbled into adoption during this time, we didn't really go full force ahead until after our last (4th) IVF failure. From that moment on, we never looked back at IF treatments and when it came time to think about #2, we went straight to adoption again with no regrets!

Calantha · 07-08-2003, 01:52 PM

Dh and I TTC for about 3 years.
I did 2 cycles on clomid before discoverring for myself that I had IR. When I begged the RE to test me, she did so against her will and viola sure enough I had it. So she put me on met. The clomid had never done a thing but she insisted I try it together with met before moving on to anything else. Again, nothing.
After that I did 1 cycle on follistim. For whatever reason, the same doctor who made me waste a cycle on clomid/met decided to rush things and put me on the maximum dosage of follistim and not monitor me till I had taken it for 5 days. By that time I was in severe pain and had hyperstimulated. She wanted to harvest the eggs and go ahead with an IVF. DH and I talked with our pastor and decided it was something we weren't comfortable with. My doctor seemed quit angry at me when I explained that DH and I had religious convinctions that prevent us from doing IVF. Rest cycle.
I called the office for an appointment when my rest cycle was over and was told my doctor and moved to Detroit! No warning or anything! So we took a break and I got started with a wonderful endo who was and is treating my IR. He got me hooked with a new RE to treat the infertility.
Again this one insisted on clomid. All the way up to the highest dose and never a single folly. Finally, I asked for injections and was started on gonal-f. This time rather than go to the highest dose, he went with the lowest because of my history of hyperstimulation.
Every other day for 22 days I went for ultrasounds. The follies were growing but EVER so slowly. He refused to up the dose for fear of hyperstimulating.
Now DH had mentioned at our meeting with our pastor that he wished we could just go ahead with an adoption. He didn't feel the need to have biological children so much as just the need to have children. I was the one who was afraid I might not be able to love a child I had no biological connection to. My siblings are all adopted, but they're my biological cousins, so I didn't really feel it was a fair comparison to say "Well you love them!"
Anyways, in the mean time I was working at a day care. There was a little boy there who had led a very troubled 4 year life and had severe behavior problems as a result. I befriended this child, and was the only person at the school who was able to get through to him. I even spent extra time after school and on weekends with him trying to help him catch up to the other children academically. I grew very attached to this little boy and it broke my heart to know what he was going home to every night. One day it just dawned on me.. if I could take him home, I could most definitely love him as my own.. I already did! And if I could love him as my own, I could certainly love another child as my own as well.
After that I started researching adoption in secret, I didn't want to get DH's hopes up. On day 22 of my gonal-f shots, I just broke down. I couldn't take one more failed ultrasound. DH and I were on our way from the failed ultrasound to Bible Class and I pulled over at the park. He asked what I was doing and I just broke down into a blubbering ball of tears and told him I couldn't do it anymore. He asked if that meant I didn't want children and I said no, I want to adopt. I wasn't sure he would really be ok with it even though he had said he would, but he latched onto it right away. By the end of the day we had already picked out an agency and everything.
Ok, now that I've written a novel.. I guess we decided to adopt when it became clear to us that we wanted to be parents more than we wanted to be pregnant, and that it is very possible to love a child who doesn't carry your genes as if he did.
-Brandy

CathyWood · 07-08-2003, 02:10 PM

We just decided last week to check out adoption. We have been ttc since march of '02 and used clomid for 5 months with no results. I was going to the doc and he was charging me to see him and not labeling anything under PCOS BUT Infertilty...and of course insurance won't cover it. So far dh has turned out to be fine. I think it is all me..and he hates to see me whine and cry about not having to be pg.

I also think it happens to be cause when I was younger I always said I wouldn't have children I would adopt. So what do you think?

Either way...we seem to come back to this. Just don't know how to fund this at all. Hate taking loans out...so who knows where all this will go.

chekesha · 07-08-2003, 05:02 PM

Well it sounds as if you and I are in the same boat. We tried for 3 years which seemed like 20! We did 3 IUIs one worked but it was an etopic pregnancy. After IUI #3 we spoke with our doc about IVF but the waiting list was 6 months long so we took it as a sign to adopt and here we are 3 months after the last IUI and we are homestudy approved! Now we wait! YAY! Actually our homestudy only took 3 weeks! Woohoo! Goodluck. For us our desire to be parents was greater than our desire for biological children! and it is sooo nice to be able to walk into a baby store and just pick something up cause I can!

lkelsey · 07-08-2003, 07:42 PM

I just love hearing your stories. It is amazing how good it feels to finally decide on adoption. All that feeling bad beacuse you can't make your body work right (ie: ovulate and get pregnant) can be put behind me and can be a child for my dh and I to love. It really is about that isn't it?

chekesha · 07-08-2003, 07:55 PM

It is ! Granted you will still feel bad from time to time but it is not an overwhelming feeling of helplessness!

Lisa75 · 07-09-2003, 01:45 AM

Well we've always talked about adoption....I was actually on a break when we heard about DD....I have went thru all the way to in injections a few times and then took a break. We also wanted a family for years and years and when we heard of her we were sooo excited, it was meant to be for us. We are also thinking of TTC again, I want her to have a bro or sis, but if anything else, we may adopt again..

Best to you.

Lisa75

lkelsey · 07-09-2003, 02:06 PM

Jamie-bubbles,

I'm so sorry you have had such a long road. I hope that all your answers come to you quickly and with a peace of mind found only from follow the right path for our lives. Boy do I sound like a pastor today, sorry. Anyway, may only the best come to you.

cbeldner · 07-09-2003, 03:36 PM

This is such an interesting question because everyone has a different story and we are quite the opposite from everyone that has posted so far.

We foudn out about my PCOS diagnosis is August of 2001. We started preparing my body for clomid in September by taking 10 days worth of Provera. My body rejected the Provera and I was very ill for about two weeks. We stopped everything and asked each other what we really wanted. Did we want a child or did we want genetics? Obviously the thought of passing PCOS to my daughter was a major concern for us. So by October we started back on my normal med's, birth control pills and glucophage and we began to research all sorts of options from adoption to surrogacy. I had three different people offer be a surrogate. But again genetics were not the issue. By December we had picked an adoption agency and turned in our application. We welcomed our son home in August of 2002. His adoption was final on November 25th.

The adoption process for us was the most spiritual and life-giving journey. I never have felt closer to my husband than I did during that time.

And to be very honest about something, I'm 5 months pregnant now and I'm not that excited. It could be because this is our second child so I'm not really into it. But the reality is I have to constantly be prepared for miscarriage even this far along. I've been tortured by periods of bleeding and it has been a much more violent roller coaster than the adoption process we went through. And now we are facing some really deep issues about how people will treat the children and some comments we have already received. It's all been quit painful. This is our first and last pregnancy. We will be adopting our third child. Then we might get into the foster care program after that.

Good luck with your journey.