I've never been blessed with getting pregnant, so I've never know what it truly feels like to know another human being is growing inside of you. However, my best friend was 10wks pg and had a m/c over this past weekend. I didn't find out until yesterday and haven't had a chance to talk to much. I don't want to open a wound by talking to her about it, but I don't want her to think I'm not caring about her. I feel deeply upset and sad for her loss. This was her first pregnancy and everyone was so excited for her and hubby. Those of you who have experience dealing with a m/c, can you give me some advice on what I should or shouldn't do? I really appreciate your input.
Thanks!!
__________________ ~Britney~
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I've had 3 m/c. I think the best thing you can do is acknowledge her loss, say you're sorry she had to go through that. DON'T say anything like, "this is nature's way" or "you can have another one." Comments like that, though intended to help, only make it worse. Just a simple "I'm so sorry" and a hug. Don't push her to talk about it if she doesn't feel like it, but let her know you are there for her if she needs to talk.
I agree with Debbie. Another thought I had is this: after I lost Rivi, I had one friend who was amazing. She would call me every week, just to check on me. After several weeks passed with me still in a deep depression, she's the one who first dragged me back out into the world.
Don't tell your friend to call you if she needs anything. Just tell her that you'll be calling to check on her. Trust me - that will mean the world to her.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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You're a really good friend. I'm glad you are asking. Just let her take the lead on the conversation. She might want to talk about the baby or the details of the loss. She might want a break from thinking about it, and that could lead to going out for a movie or something. It helps some gals to have a friend like you who doesn't have kids yet... babies are hard to be around for a lot of us at this early stage of grief. If you do concieve sometime soon, keep in mind that she might take it hard, but don't hide the fact... tell her in private, not in a big group announcement.
I'm sorry for your friend's loss. I hope that she finds peace soon and recovers physically very quickly. It will help to have a friend looking out for her.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I think the girls have given you excellent advice on what to say.
It's so important to let her know that you are there for her anytime she wants to talk about her baby. And yes, just saying your sorry is perfect.
Maybe you could send her a card and write a little note to her letting her know all of this. Or maybe offer to bring her and her DH dinner one night.
Either way you're a great friend for asking how to handle this.
I am so sorry about your friends loss. I totally agree with Debbie. There are so many hopes and dreams you have for your little one especially when you first find out your pg. To belittle those feelings after a loss by saying something like "oh it was just not meant to be" or "you can always have another baby" it's just very upsetting. Just follow her lead...when she's ready, she'll talk.
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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First, I am very sorry for your friend's loss. I also whole heartedly agree with all of these ladies. To have someone say that they are sorry for your loss means so much. And to let your friend know that you will be there for her anytime she needs to talk, that would be very comforting. I m/c'd a few weekends ago and unfortunately have no family that lives near us, it's just me and my husband. I can tell you that there are times when my hubby goes to work and I just don't want to be alone. Maybe to offer to just be there for her in so far as, just sitting at home with her and watching a movie or a soap opera, just for some company. You are a very good friend to be so concerned for her well being. God Bless.
-Julie
__________________ To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic
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TTC since 2003 Diagnosed w/PCOS 03/05 1000 mg Fortamet +HPT 05/06/05 m/c 06/24/05 @ 6wks-Max, mommy & daddy love you!
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You're a really good friend. I'm glad you are asking. Just let her take the lead on the conversation. She might want to talk about the baby or the details of the loss. She might want a break from thinking about it, and that could lead to going out for a movie or something. It helps some gals to have a friend like you who doesn't have kids yet... babies are hard to be around for a lot of us at this early stage of grief. If you do concieve sometime soon, keep in mind that she might take it hard, but don't hide the fact... tell her in private, not in a big group announcement.
AMEN to this.
Also, I'd like to add...write down when her due date was, and make a point to call / email / send her a card on her due date. That's a tough day and it was really hard that no one around us remembered it. And on Mother's Day...send her a card.
You are a good friend for trying to find the right thing to say. I agree with everything the other ladies have written. Just say you are sorry and let her know you are there for her. Remember her on those painful anniversary days. You will not make things worse by bringing it up. Trust me, she is in pain whether the miscarriage is discussed or not. I would have loved to have had someone that actually seemed to care when my baby died instead of saying hurtful things to me.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
What to say to my friend who had a m/c 
