I am unhappy, miserable, mean, you name it. My life is not terrible... I should not feel this way, but I do. I have a wonderful DH, we have a wonderful DD, money could be better, but it is not terrible. My mom and DH's grandmom live with us, and that does make me crazy. But all in all, my life is ok, I should be happy. Instead, not only am I unhappy, but I am mean in the bargain! My BNL/SNL just heard that their bid was accepted on their first house, am I happy for them...? NO! All I can think about is how SNL went off BCP before they were married, got BFP in a matter of mins, and could (and probably will - I actually DREAD the moment of the announcement) get another in a heartbeat. My best friend left me a message about how she and her DH are going to the Bahamas in November, am I happy for them....? NO! All I can think about is how she got BFPs without even trying! Why can't I be happy for my friends and family?! Why can't I be happy for myself??! DH and I have been TTC #2 for 7 yrs! In that time I have had 1 mc and 1 ectopic, in addition to the mc before dd was born. No one in my circle has had these problems! I feel so alone. I feel like I am not even a person and on top of that I feel guilty for feeling this way. Please tell me that I am not crazy...or on my way....
I just wanted to respond to your post. I am sorry that you are feeling so unhappy about everything, perhaps you could talk to you doctor about antidepressents or something to help you out? It might not be your fault at all, it might just be the chemicals in your brain. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
Take care and stay safe,
Mel
__________________ The Journey of 1000 Miles Begins With a Single Step.
I have very little advice but other than this: Stop beating yourself up for the way you feel. That is how you feel and your feelings matter. The best thing is to do what you have already started doing, focus on all the great things you have, and talk about how you feel regarding the things you don't. Rant and get it out. It always helps. Won't stop you feeling that way most likely but will help release the pressure. You are not alone, and you most certainly are a person (unless of course you are little, green, and have either entennae or superpowers?). Sorry, JK. I am a little odd sometimes. Anyway, you have the right to feel the way you do. But you also have the responsiblilty to yourself and your dh & dd to figure out how to change your outlook so you can be the best possible you.
But first and foremost, stop kicking yourself, life does that enough you don't need to help out.
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
...thanks everyone...I know you all are right, I do know that in my head. I just have to get the rest of me in line! It's a shame, katydyd, that I don't have those superpowers! I sure wish that I did!
Now all I have to do is stop being afraid to tell the dr what I am feeling. I just have this fear of being labled, of depending on medicine to fix what I feel like I ought to be able to cope with on my own. I know, in the rational part of me, that this is not true, that there are very real problems that I may have, that may need medical help. For now, I am feeling better, not quite at the bottom of that dark hole I dug for myself this morning, and that is a good thing.
Thank you again, it really helps to know that there is someone (or several someones!!) out there in cyberspace that understand this irrational woman!
What is wrong with me? 
I sure wish that I did!
