When does it get better......

GoingCrazyInTX · 09-06-2005, 01:56 PM

Thursday last week is when we found out that the baby had died and of course I was a total mess and bawling the rest of the day.

Friday I was just down right depressed and emotional. Saturday was my D&C and I cried before going in to have it but didn't cry much afterwards. Sunday I hardly cried at all. Then yesterday I was an emotional basket case again. It's suppossed to get better not worse, right? My mom and I went to visit some old friends of the family and I only cried once while there but I felt like a zoombie. The whole hours drive back home though I was crying. Mom didn't realize it at first since I wasn't sobbing until she looked at me and saw the tears streaming down my face. She offered to drive but I didn't want to stop. I just wanted to get home. I think part of why I'm still so emotional is not having my DH here to hold me and grieve with me. Just 2 more weeks though until I'll see him. I just don't know how I'm going to make it through those 2 weeks. I am taking 2 weeks off to go pick him up so I really need to go back to work tomorrow which was my plan. But now I don't know if I can do it. I work at schools every day and there are always pregnant women at schools. Of course yesterday I didn't even see a pregnant women or baby but I was bawling. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to take 4 weeks off. I don't get any vacation or sick pay since I'm considered seasonal part time. When does the constant crying and misery go away?

browneyedgurl · 09-06-2005, 02:58 PM

I am fresh with this pain too. My miscarriage was the same day as your D&C. I have hope that the uncontrollable crying will happen less often. But I have no idea when it will. I am so sorry that you don't have your DH with you. We spent the last 4 days together just at home and it was nice to have a barrier from the outside world. I am so sorry for your loss. We work so hard to get these babies, why can't they stay with us. Let me know if you need a buddy. DH is calling a counselor that my Dr recommended. I am interested to see how she is going to "help" me.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

JuliannePCOS · 09-06-2005, 03:03 PM

I tell ya what, you're going to have good days and bad days. You're not going to be able to turn this all off like a light switch. Your hormones are going crazy and your heart is hurting. This is normal. I promise.

There are going to be little things you see... hear.... etc.... and they are going to bring it all back again. Eventually, though, it won't be such profound pain, but it will just be a little tiny flutter in your heart.... and hopefully, someday, with healing and acceptance, when you think of the baby, you might even smile a bit.... knowing that he/she is in a good place and looking down on you wanting you to be happy.

I know all our angel babies are well taken care of up in heaven. They have lots of company and lots of wonderful great grandmas and neighbors and aunts and uncles that have already passed.

You *will* be more sensitive to things from now on. That's not going to change. But, you'll be sensitive to a great many things that some people take for granted. You'll know how to deal with someone else's loss better (even if it's a full grown adult's death.)

We'll all get through this together. One day at a time... one second at a time. It's going to get hard again about a month before the impending due date. The important thing to know is that you're totally normal and that even if your own family doesn't understand... there are lots and lots of ladies (and men) who do.

**hug**

TurtleLove · 09-06-2005, 03:40 PM

our loss was last week and i am so random brained and at times irrational. rest assured you are not the only one that feels like a freak with your heart in pieces. you are not alone here at least. when "reality" is unkind, find shoulders and shared tears here. my heart goes out to you suffering this without your dh, i hope the 2 weeks pass quickly.

enits · 09-06-2005, 06:27 PM

One thing I've noticed about myself this year is that time is going too quickly that sometimes I don't even know the dates anymore. It's weird. I hope time flies quickly for you so that you can be in the comfort of your DH's arms. It'll take some time until the numbing pain goes away...but to tell you the truth, it does come back every now and then when you least expect it and you just have let the emotions in. Hang in there (((hugs))) and keep posting here. It helps to vent every now and then.

SheriKCMO · 09-06-2005, 08:13 PM

It's tough for a while, and then suddenly you realize that you've had a couple of good days. Seriously, though, it's a rollercoaster and can catch you offguard. Give yourself plenty of time. If you have to take some breaks at work, tell someone you aren't feeling well, and head off to the restroom. Sometimes there's no choice. I hope that the two weeks are manageable, and sometimes they are because work takes the mind off of the loss temporarily. I've heard that it can be exhausting, so give yourself the whole evening to relax and grieve and get ready for another day.
Best Wishes,
Sheri

JennShim · 09-06-2005, 10:06 PM

I'm so sorry you and DH can't be together thru this. I hope the next 2 wks fly by (for both of you)

It does get easier...eventually. I agree with Julianne...you'll look at everything differently now. For me, going to work helped...I was able to focus on something other than myself and the baby we lost. I read a lot about pg loss...but nothing seemed to help. I slowly learned to be okay with crying when I needed to and to be okay with laughing, too.

The greatest piece of advice anyone gave me was to be gentle with myself. Try not to judge your feelings and your grieving process...your way is the right way.

I wish you peace....-+

kwannabee · 09-06-2005, 10:57 PM

Ohhhh i remember those kind of tears...they just come out of nowhere, and sometimes its like you dont even realize youre crying...i'm so sorry youre going through this...but its part of the healing i guess

My dh was with me the whole time so i totally admire you for going through this without him right now...lean on us til he gets here, but just know in the meantime there is no calender here, you have to feel what you feel and some days will be better then others, not at first, they all pretty much suck...but gradually you'll find yourself smiling again...for no reason...it does happen, eventually...and you'll look back on these first days when just getting out of bed used up all the energy you had...

all i can say now is you never know whats waiting for you around the corner...you'll always remember your angel baby, but you can be happy again, just give yourself time

GoingCrazyInTX · 09-07-2005, 12:41 AM

Thanks ladies. I am going to try to work tomorrow. The hardest part will be getting up in the morning. My supervisor though understands how hard this is on me and I don't have to be there as early as I normally would. Plus she switched this one girl that we both know would have sent me over the edge if I'd have to work with her. With my job I go to a different school everyday and so I don't work in an office. Do you know how many pregnant teachers there are typically at a school? It's not going to be fun. For the time being though I'm being put at schools where if it gets to be too much I can probably leave. Come Oct though I'll be back to my regular work and I won't be getting as much leeway. Hopefully by then I'll be able to handle it. Someone mentioned exhaustion and I got a taste of that today. My mom got me out of the house today and I'm pooped. I went to see my chiropracter (and cried of course) and then we went and got some cheesecake. My comfort food. We also stopped by Verizon and Sam's. We were only gone for 4 hours and my body aches.

My mom scheduled us both for massages tomorrow evening at a massage school. Hopefully that'll help some and I won't end up bawling on them. Well, I best get to bed so I can get up for work.

JennShim · 09-07-2005, 01:20 AM

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and especially during those first few moments when you wake up and have to roll over and gather the strength to actually get up. Remember you've got your cysters there supporting you!

Also, massage therapists are trained to work with people who cry on their table. It happens more frequently then you may imagine. I really encourage you to let them nurture you and help you heal with their touch.

{{hugs}}

TurtleLove · 09-07-2005, 09:32 AM

thinking of you today and hoping work brings a distraction instead of more pain...good luck and big hugs from iowa

kwannabee · 09-07-2005, 10:43 AM

Wow, youre stronger then i was

I work in a schoolsetting with alot of expecting moms (staff as well as many teenmoms-one with her 4th

) and i was one of many who were pregnant...the thought of going back to see them all with their babies was too much for me...i couldnt return for months!!! 5 actually...i was a wreck...

many hugs go out to you today as you venture back into your routine...take care

GoingCrazyInTX · 09-07-2005, 07:35 PM

Well, I ended up at a high school today and saw at least a half dozen pregnant teens. At least 2 were only 15. It was very upsetting. Many of my co-workers did not know I had lost the baby also. I thought that one girl did know and I mentioned it once or twice but come to find out she had not known yet. I didn't find out until one of the other girls asked how far along I was now and I couldn't answer her and asked the other girl to tell her. That's when she said she didn't know until today. I almost wish they'd made a huge announcment at the office to let everyone know so people wouldn't ask me about being pregnant. I came close to crying at the school but luckily was able to hold it together until I got to the car. I left early and went by the office to drop of my doctor's note and pick up my schedule for the rest of the week. By the time I got there I was an emotional wreck. Holding in all the emotions is nerve raking and it just builds and builds. One of my male co-workers was in the back room when I went in and asked how I was and I just walked past him and went straight for the bathroom. Then I went back in there and he asked something about was I ignoring him and I muttered no. He asked if I was ok and I said no not really. I went into my supervisors office and started asking about my schedule and the other lady asked how I was doing and that's when I just lost it. Luckily they know more about what I've been through so I felt ok losing it in front of them than anyone else there. Luckily I'm at an elementary school tomorrow and I shouldn't see any pregnant teens there. I figured it'd be hard to see the pregnant teachers but never thought about how hard it'd be to see the pregnant teens. It just makes me ill. I said to a co-worker today that maybe I should have started being sexually active at 14 or 15 and maybe I'd be a mom by now too.

VivC · 09-07-2005, 08:13 PM

I agree with what the others have said. It never gets "better," but it does get easier with time. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and sometimes it sneaks up on us.

((hugs)),

camarofanatic90 · 09-07-2005, 08:26 PM

I am sorry to hear about your loss and everyone that has ever had one. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!!!!!!!!!!