when to give up??

mistyp83 · 10-08-2009, 04:15 PM

so dh and i have been ttc for just over 7 years now. during all this time i have never once got a bfp. his sa came back all good. the problem is all me. i am so tired of crying my eyes out every time i see a preggo woman or baby. how long do we keep trying before giving up? i hate getting questioned about why we haven't started a family yet, should i just start telling people we aren't going to have kids? any advice is much appreciated.
thanks

prockwell · 10-08-2009, 04:29 PM

What methods have you tried so far? I know for me it was 3 1/2 years of h-e-double-hockey-sticks and we were at the point of giving up. We did one last month of Clomid, added natural progesterone cream, and I gave it to God. I had some wine, relaxed a bit more, and that was our month.

Of course, that was 10 years ago and we are on the TTC train again and one of the worst things is having people constantly ask when we are going to have another one. It makes me want to scream at them that we have been trying and to butt out but that doesn't go over too well with family and friends. At this point, people who are really close to me know our battle and don't ask anymore. Acquaintances and family members may ask but I usually say we aren't sure and it depends on what God decides. It takes the pressure off of me and DH without being too *****y.

I have to admit though, it is really hard watching everyone around me getting knocked up and I know it's frustrating and depressing and it is hard to be happy for others when you feel like you are broken. I find myself having really hard days where I wonder why I'm broken and other people aren't. Do you think stress if maybe making it more difficult? The more I stress about it the more it seems to illude me.

northwoodsgirl · 10-08-2009, 04:55 PM

I know it's difficult to make the decision to stop trying. This is my DH and my 2nd try at conceiving and 3 months in we are already questioning when we will stop. We tried for 1 1/2 years before stopping the last time. No BFPs also. This time we are under the added stress of me being out of work and now I'm on my DH's insurance which doesn't pay for anything. It's hard to make the decision to stop especially when there's the thought that the next cycle will be "the one". It's really something to discuss with your husband. If you decide to quit, make sure you have a few good friends for support because there is a mourning period for what might have been. Good luck with coming to the right decision for your family.

winddrop · 10-08-2009, 05:07 PM

Have you gone to an RE and had a HSG done?
Are you ovulating? If you aren't ovulating there is 0% chance of getting pregnant.
Would you consider TTC while starting the adoption process? There are plenty of kids out there to love. Maybe, if you know that in time you will get a baby through adoption it will make TTC less stressful. If you get a BFN you could think, well, at least we will be able to adopt in less than 2 years or so.
Personally, I will never give up until I am a mother! Whether grown under my heart or only in it.

mystik817 · 10-08-2009, 05:16 PM

Misty, we need more details to give advice. What treatments have you tried (meds, procedures, tests, etc)? Have you tried IVF?

CJUGermany · 10-08-2009, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mystik817
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Misty, we need more details to give advice. What treatments have you tried (meds, procedures, tests, etc)? Have you tried IVF?

I have to agree here. If you truly want a baby you need to have tried everything possible. The first step is to have gone to an RE and get all of the crappy but necessary tests for diagnostic puposes, etc. If you haven't tried IVF, then there is NO need to give up hope at all!

WifeyC · 10-09-2009, 12:06 AM

MistyP, I'd love to give you some advice about what direction to go in, but just like all the other very amazing women said, we need to know more about what you've done over the last 7 years. What medications did you use (if any)? What procedures have you had done? Have you seen an RE? There are tons of questions before we can offer you solid advice.

mistyp83 · 10-09-2009, 07:35 AM

thanks for the replies. ok, as far as meds used, we've tried all different kinds of supplements and vitamins, herbals and teas-B complex, folic acid, vitex, female balance, red raspberry leaf, fertilitea, metformin, soy isoflavones,npc, etc. NO clomid because my dr doesnt believe it would benefit me (i say at least let me try!!) my insurance went from great to not so good due to job change and fertility coverage is zero. we've never done iui or ivf due to $ cost. i have done bbt and i do ovulate, just not every month (sometimes3 to 6 months) i am sure stress isn't helping matters. we did foster my younger brother and sister until we were granted guardianship of them, now they are grown w/ babies of their own. i am open to adoption but when i bring it up to dh he kinda shrugs it off and says "we will have kids when the time is right"
my family kinda understands what i'm going through, but my in-laws are clueless. they know i have pcos but won't learn about it, and "forget" that it contributes to infertility. they like to rub the fact that it is my fault in my face, and tell me to "hurry up" because i'm getting "old" i'm 26 (dh is30) i don't think i'll ever NOT want to be a mommy, but maybe we should take a break from "actively" trying for awhile?? at least until we get better insurance & a better dr. (sorry this is a little long)

abbiedarlin1 · 10-09-2009, 07:48 AM

If you haven't even tried clomid, and your doctor won't give it to you...get a new doctor. Clomid would most likely benefit you, if not there is injectable medications, and maybe you could start saving for IVF? If your husband has a good sperm count, you shouldn't need IUI. Honestly though, if you are ovulating on your own occasionally, I think you would benefit from clomid. Did your doctor offer explanation as to why it wouldn't work? Did soy work at all to get you ovulating?

mistyp83 · 10-09-2009, 10:08 AM

i just started soy in sept and i O'd on cd 16 (woo hoo!!) i think that my dr just doesnt know much about pcos. when i first transfered to her she didnt want to renew my scrip for met because she "had never heard of met being used for anything other than diabetes" i dont know, maybe i'm just in a funk. i know i shouldnt give up hope, and i should be happy with what i do have. it just sucks feeling like i am not a complete woman. thank you all for listening and for just being here, i am so touched to have some one care enough to listen! (here i go getting weepy again~lol)
thank you!!!

abbiedarlin1 · 10-09-2009, 10:11 AM

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Originally Posted by mistyp83
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i think that my dr just doesnt know much about pcos. when i first transfered to her she didnt want to renew my scrip for met because she "had never heard of met being used for anything other than diabetes"

What sort of doctor is this? If it's an ob/gyn...they tend to be useless when it comes to pcos (in my experience). I would highly recommend an RE. Definitely worth a look, and you shouldn't suffer through non-treatment just because your doctor doesn't know about the condition.
Also, yay for ovulating on soy!

Pumpkinroo · 10-09-2009, 10:29 AM

Misty, you must absolutely positively, find a doctor who knows what they are doing ASAP. My RE (who is the most effective one in my state), says that charting is BS - blood tests and ultrasounds are needed to tell you what's going on. I'm sure you've spent time reading about the stories of everyone on this board; many people, myself included, with PCOS don't ovulate without something to stimulate follicle production AND a trigger.... meaning we don't even have the same chances as a girl without PCOS until we do at least these steps... and then there are additional considerations about MF and maintaining a pregnancy that may be considered.

I am so sick of going to the doctor on a monthly basis for monitoring, and I've been going to the doctor for only a year this round, with a miscarriage in the middle (which, although horrible, does give you hope that bfp can happen)... I can only imagine who you feel, but my recommendation would be to find a doctor who has treated many cases of PCOS successfully.

winddrop · 10-09-2009, 10:41 AM

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Originally Posted by mistyp83
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i just started soy in sept and i O'd on cd 16 (woo hoo!!)

YAY!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistyp83
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when i first transfered to her she didnt want to renew my scrip for met because she "had never heard of met being used for anything other than diabetes"

Run, do not walk to another DR! If you don't have a RE in the area then get a different OBGYN; my GP knows more than she does. If I needed to he would have prescribed me with MET for PCOS. He has many patients that have PCOS and are doing the MET/Clomid combo with success. He wished me luck and told me not to stress.
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I'm thinking there might be something to that! I just try not to let myself get too crazy about the whole thing.

*Jenny* · 10-09-2009, 11:50 AM

I agree with the PPs! Get to an RE right away, or at least find a new doctor. If you don't ovulate regularly then you would be an excellent candidate for Clomid. Many women (including myself) have tremendous success with just that one little pill and can get your cycles normalized. Especially since your husband's S/A is normal, I see no reason why you couldn't conceive with Clomid.

I also agree with Pumpkin - charting never worked for me. You need to find out what is going on medically and get yourself ovulating regularly before charting might help you.

Good luck to you and God bless!
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Samie · 10-09-2009, 12:05 PM

I agree with everyone...At least find an Ob/Gyn that knows something about PCOS, if you don't have an RE close by, or if your insurance won't pay for it.
Heck, you might even be able to find a regular endocrinologist who understands PCOS and would be willing to help.
If your seeing a general practitioner, very very few of them understand PCOS or infertility. I actually had to explain PCOS to my new PCP, but he was just FINE leaving all that stuff to my Ob/Gyn...who is fantastic about PCOS. So, not ALL Ob/gyn are useless w/ infertility and PCOS, you just have to find one who really knows about it, and keeps up with the literature.
If your close to any medical schools, etc, you might want to check to see if any nearby are doing fertility studies. One by me is, but I don't qualify cause I only have one fallopian tube now.
Don't give up, and you are NOT old. I know its different in different areas, but I feel like I'm finally at an age where when I finally get my BFP, people won't look at me strange.
I have learned from these great women on here that there are ways to get treatment for infertility without it breaking the bank. Don't be afraid to ask questions, etc. And keep a positive outlook, I know its easier said than done, but a positive attitude and thoughts go a long way in improving situations life throws our way.