When, how did you tell your boss you were adopting?
Backstory: I have one of "those" high stress/kind of high visibility jobs (which given that I'm still in my 20s gets under a lot of people's skin). The boss I report to 50% of the time is very flexible/understanding (she's a mom), the boss I report to the other 1/2 of the time - not so much (his job = his world, heart, and soul). I bump heads a lot with #2, who's made it clear he's of the opinion that mine is not a job for someone with a lot going on outside the office.
Because my company offers adoption benefits, I had asked our benefits manager about applying, and she asked me when I was going to tell my boss (#1, the one who's not bad, but I'm still not 100% comfortable talking to her when I know that she doesn't like her job and that #2 badmouths me to her a lot).
My question is this - we're just starting the homestudy, adopting from Haiti (so I'd be gone a week or 2 max for "gotcha"). So, it could take a year or two before we actually get on a plane. Do I really need to spill the beans now and potentially have a lot of hard feelings for the next God-knows-how-long to add to the stress of the adoption process? While my H also has a good job, I'm scared that if I lost mine, (I think I will get pressured to quit once they learn we're adopting) that the adoption would fall through.
What exactly goes into the homestudy? That you work at X place, or that you work at X place and are in "good standing"? Part of me wants to get the employer statement now (review is at end of march; if I were going to get a bad review, I'd have the employer statement jumped through before). But part of me is concerned that if #2 esp learns before my review, that knowing about the adoption would guarantee me a bad review.
Advice? If I'm going to be a SAHM, I want it to be my H's and my decision, not someone else's.
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And people question why I can't just "be happy with your career and be grateful for what you DO have."
PCOS, IR, and Hyperinsulemia, also investigating adrenal, pituitary, and thyroid.
H also has some MF that's having us pursue IUI.
Clomid was a big fat failure. Researching both IUI and adoption from another agency & country.
Well...with my boss...he is totally laid back...(most of the time...)....he is completely comfortable with it....he asks me questions about it and everything...anyhow, the letter from work I actually wrote myself and had boss sign...he didn't care...It is in your time not their's to when you are going to tell them...if it is going to be alot of time I would wait...
We didn't have to have an employer statement, but we are domestically adopting.
I would wait until it was necessary to get my employer involved, regardless of the situation there. With DH's work, if they had caught wind, we'd be overly indulged with questions. (I know this isn't your situation, but my case in point). I like to keep our personal lives personal until necessary.
I am sorry I don't have any other info or suggestions. I hope that you are able to successfully bring a baby home with the littlest amount of stress with your employment.
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*Kristen*
lucky wife and three times blessed mother
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In your case I think I would wait until the very last minute if you can. Also are you not planning any time home with the child after you have him/her in your home? You said that you would be gone a max of 2 weeks to pick up the child.
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Definetly wait. If you can get an employment letter from boss #1 without involving boss #2 I would do that. Here in Ontario we need a letter of employment and also a short reference from our bosses. Its like a character reference. Not sure if your homestudy will envolve getting paperwork like that.
Less stress in your wait is the best. You will be stressed out enough just waiting without being hassled.
My work knows we are going for #3 and that the wait will probly be 5 years. I cant really advance in my job just become a Supervisor which at this stage I dont want. I just want to go in, do my job, then go home.
good luck and congrats on your decision !!
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I would wait as long as possible. You may not even have to tell either boss if your company has an HR dept. You may be able to just get a letter from them (we had to get one that said how long DH worked for the company, salary, etc).
The wait is HARD but when you receive your child it will be the GREATEST day of your lives!
Good Luck!
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Ditto on waiting. I told my old employer early on when we adopted our son and then it took two years to get him home. Meanwhile they had totally written me off because they knew I would leave when it happened, and I got nothing but crap work until I quit, which as it turned out ended up being a year still until he came home.
DH told his boss both times right away. We wanted to be very up front with them about it to avoid causing hard feelings. Seems like it might work in the opposite direction for you though. BTW, DH's boss is now officially waiting for his China baby too!
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Brandy(33) DH Dan(33)
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DD Isabelle Caiyi(5) - Adopted from China
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When, how did you tell your boss you were adopting? 
