WHen I get depressed, I write...

BayGirl · 03-02-2003, 12:25 PM

I guess it just hurts when you put your all into something
Something you think is the only thing in your life that is perfect
The thing that makes your existence worthwhile
Then it is shot down
Questioned
Undermined
Beyond what you care to stand
Then you realize that this isn’t what is perfect after all
In fact, nothing in your life is perfect
But what should you do from here
You can take the easy way out
Hurting anyone that actually does care for you
Or you can take the long road
The one with all the heartache
All the ego crushing
All the physical pain you mentally make up
Both sound appealing, right
I think I would take the one in the middle
Making my own path
Hiding things inside
Pretending in a way that I am not here
Leaving anything that could potentially scar me
And in doing so I still breathe
So here I sit alone
After leaving what makes my insides feel as if maggots are digesting them
Writing a poem
Telling all of you that are just like me
Friends are hard to come by
Family is valuable
Prestige and power are just the tools of corruption
And I ironically want my poetry to live on but I don’t

That was written in 1999 over a different subject, but I re-read it, and I think it still is kind of how I feel... Like as soon as you get your period and you know it is over for this month I get sooooooo depressed.

Thanks for reading.

amshum · 03-07-2003, 03:00 AM

I know exactly how you feel! Thanks for sharing such beatiful and meaningful words!

HUGS TO YOU!

BayGirl · 03-07-2003, 10:25 AM

thank you! a fellow toriphile huh? awesome! i dont meet too many peopel who even know who she is. I have beeen in love with her music since around 94. She is so talented. Had to say that.

Tara

amshum · 03-07-2003, 04:54 PM

Yeah I have been a fan of her since her Pele CD. I went to her concert in Pensacola, FL in I think it was 95 or 96, and I didn't know who she was! My girlfriends told me that I would LOVE her, so I went.

I didn't know any of her songs, but I remember leaving so moved and touched by the time I left the concert, and immediately drove to a Super Wal-Mart looking for CDs (it was really late and the only thing open!!). I got Boys for Pele and Little Earthquakes that night, and bought the rest of them on Amazon the next day. I've been hooked ever since!

I drove up to Colorado Springs (about 10 hrs) where my sister lives, to see her Denver concert for Scarlet's Walk on Dec. 5th last year. It was even better this time, because I had the chance to learn ALL of her songs lyrics. It was an amazing night!!!

Have you ever been to her concerts? Its really a powerful experience. She;s so amazing live!!!

Good to meet another Toriphile!!

We "ears with feet" have to stick together!!

BayGirl · 03-07-2003, 09:44 PM

I have been to 3 Tori concerts. I live near NYC so I get all kinds of people performing around us. Yeah first song I heard from her was "Happy Fantom". I just fell in love. Her music touched areas of me that I never wanted to be touched. It was a great thing. Me & A Gun helped me talk about the date rape I had when I was 13. Her Unlock the Silence movement that started RAINN was just incredible. Someone that has such power with words and puts it to good use.... very rare does that happen. Yeah I have no joke... every tori cd, single, maxi single, import, and many bootlegs and I just enjoy her so much. Easy to get lost in her lyrics. ANd to see her live playing a piano with one hand and her bossendorfer with teh other... man is she talented. WHo else plays 2 pianos and sings at once?

I love how her ears stick out so much and how elfish she looks when you see them.. makes her more mystical.

Sorry to rant... noone understands my love for TA.

Tara

amshum · 03-07-2003, 09:58 PM

You have a major TA collection! I just have her CDs, but I'm working on collecting her singles and imports. I do have one dual CD bootleg. Its Tori playing at the Apollo in Manchester, England. The quality isn't the greatest, but its live and she's fabulous, so I don't care!

I agree, I think her message is a good one. I love the fact that she's so unusally beautiful and talented!! She's not at all the bubblegum pop that is so "in" right now. I can listen to every CD over and over again, and NEVER tire from it. And, when I think I need a Tori break, and move on to another artist, I just can't stand it and immediately go back to Tori.

Which do you think is her best CD? This is a debate that can go on forever, but I'm just curious what you think...

I have her Live NYC performance on VHS and I watch it a lot! I wish it was out on DVD. I have her video collection and her Little Earthquakes VHS too. I just love her live, because her expressions and passion shines so true! She's just amazing! I've gotten all of my female family hooked!

I really dislike how some ppl think she is a male basher... I don't find that at all! In fact, quite the opposite. She sings about so many different areas in her life, and I don't see how they can assume that she's a male basher.

Ok ok ok... I'll stop talking Tori now! I could talk Tori for ages!! I bet its really cool being so close to all the concerts and shows!

BayGirl · 03-08-2003, 09:31 AM

First I change my date of when I became a ToriPhile¡K. It wasn¡¦t 94, It was early 93. I went through my yearbook and figured it out. ƒº

My bootlegs are (1) Dual-CD called ¡§I¡¦m On Fire¡¨ from Australia in 1994. She sings Landslide, Purple Rain, I¡¦m on Fire, and a few other covers¡K it¡¦s pretty cool. Then I have the highly sought after Tori collectable ( although, now with music trading on the net being so widely available, it may not be as HTF)¡K.. The FOUR CD-set called ¡§Tori Stories¡¨ This CD (if you don¡¦t know) is amazing to own. It has ¡§Baltimore¡¨ a sort of public service song she wrote for Baltimore, MD when she was 15. It has a wedding performance she performed at in 1978. It has Live Little Earthquakes show from 1992. It has covers and rarities, more live stuff¡K it is just so great. If you want, I can burn you the set and my other bootleg if you want¡K. Let me know.

Hmm... her best CD¡K well I will limit this to the real full-lengths. That will make it a bit easier. Hmm¡K ¡§Little earthquakes¡¨ or ¡§Under the Pink¡¨ (weighing one in each hand). I don¡¦t know. It¡¦s really tough between those 2. They each have their strong points but it is definitely one of those 2. Man, tough question. Now if you asked which Dave Matthews Band CD is my fave, that I could determine.. but Tori¡¦s <>

Yeah it is nice to be so close to all the shows. I should rephrase that. I used to live (and my family still does), 19 miles from Manhattan ¡V on Long Island. So from my house, I had Veterans Memorial (Nassau) Coliseum ¡V 1 mile, Jones Beach Theater ¡V 4 miles, Madison Square Garden ¡V 21 miles, all those small clubs like Roseland, the Bowery, Webster Hall, etc ¡V 20-something miles, Giants Stadium and Meadowlands Arena - 40 miles. Now I live 80 miles east of where I did so add 80 miles onto all those numbers. But it is still fairly clse¡K and now I live closer to 2 more big places¡K Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun¡K they are casinos that have huge concert areas. SO yeah, usually every artist comes to our area at least once. Country music well¡K that is hard to find around here.. but I got Dixie Chicks tickets for the Coliseum by my parents house¡K I am so excited. I love them. OK.. I should shuddup. Lemme know about the CDs. I am more than happy to.

BayGirl · 03-08-2003, 09:42 AM

wow... apparently vBulletin doesn't like when I type in word and copy and paste into the reply area..... sorry about those weird characters thrown into the reply.

amshum · 03-21-2003, 04:27 PM

Oh gosh I am so sorry! I thought that I'd been subscribed to this thread, but I didn't get my email saying that you had responded!! OOPS! Sorry to get back to you so late!!!

Oh I am ecstatic that you offered to copy that for me! I have never heard of it, but I would be glad to pay you for them!!! If you want email me at amshum@grandecom.net and we'll arrange a method of payment.

Yeah I know it’s a hard question... Which Tori CD is your favorite?

I have to agree with you that Little Earthquakes is probably the best, but Under the Pink is so close, it should be a tie. But then again, I've been listening to Choirgirl Hotel a lot lately too!

Did you see her concert on Oxygen? If not, I recorded it on VHS, and I could make you a copy if you want.

I just started collecting singles, and got a large hunk of the US releases from Amazon that are available. I've been watching eBay a lot lately too for Tori stuff... And, I really want the Australia/New Zealand 2CD release of Under the Pink & More Pink. The have "mint" CDs but the cost is a bit steep for me right now.

I've been buying these DVDs. Hopefully they'll be good, but they're live concerts. I haven't gotten them, waiting on them from the eBay sellers, but hopefully they'll be worth what I paid for them.

I just think Tori is at her best when she performs live. Her passion and talent just shine when she's live.

I'm hoping to see her at the Grand Prairie, Texas concert in April. It’s going to be a 5-6 hour drive there, and it’s going to suck because it’s in the middle of the week (Wed.) and with work, it’s going to be a mess, but seeing Tori is worth it.

Have you heard that she may not be touring again for awhile? I hate it for us ewf, but I can totally understand. If I had a beautiful baby and a husband, I'd want to be with them as much as possible.

Well, I hope to hear from you from email. Again, I'm sorry for the delay on getting back to you... I don't know why I was unsubscribed!! AHH!

Take care!