When to tell him about my PCOS???

Starr · 08-02-2002, 09:07 PM

Hi all
I'd really appreciate some advice here...I'm 22 and I've been diagnosed with PCOS & IR for about 3 years. I'm single at the moment and it's not something that bothers me, but I think that one of the things keeping it that way (along with the low self-esteem, low sex drive, body hair and extra weight ;-P) is that I'm kind of avoiding having to tell a guy about my PCOS. Very few people know about it, in fact only my mum (unless she's told anyone, lol) and I like it that way...I go to great lengths to disguise my body hair and I'd rather people didn't know about something that's so personal to me, especially a boyfriend, but what's worrying me is if I do meet someone really special, I guess I'll have to tell him at some point...
Thing is, at what point in the relationship is the right time??!! I mean, I wouldn't want to tell a guy too soon after we got together cos it might scare him off, me going on about periods and weird hormonal things (!), but then if I leave it till it gets pretty serious between us then I'd feel bad for not having told him before, it being such a major thing in my life, especially if he wanted kids and I couldn't have them...
So, guys...when would you want to know something like this????? Would you rather find out later on when the relationship got more serious and you were thinking about kids and things, or would you feel cheated and upset that your SO hadn't told you earlier? I know it's different depending on the people and the relationship, but I'd like to get a guy's perspective on this...
Thanks!

SoulHubby · 08-07-2002, 02:13 PM

This is a tough question. If the relationship is going to be long-term, of course, it needs to be discussed.

I dont know how to advise you here... you want to strike a balance I think. I wouldnt make it the first thing you talk about, but after a while, when the relationship seems to be making progress, it should prolly come up, at least in some fashion.

I feel for you, and wish you all the best.

-=\Eric/=-

ChgoGal · 08-07-2002, 04:34 PM

That is a hard one to decide. I think you'll know when the time is right to talk about those things, ie...if the subject of children come up? Or long term commitment? Or when you feel most comfortable talking about it. Good luck.

tariana · 10-01-2002, 12:21 PM

I've just gotten in the habit of telling a guy I have PCOS fairly soon after I meet him and I determine that there's mutual interest. I don't go into the gory details because my symptoms are mostly under control, but I do touch on the possibility of infertility and a bit about the disease.

Of course, this is just another part of the whole disclosure thing for me -- I'm hearing-impaired and have been interested in people who, for whatever reason, couldn't/wouldn't deal with that, either. So this just kinda goes along with that. Only now there's two "things I gotta tell you" instead of one.

And amazingly (to me, anyway) most of the guys I've told about it haven't freaked out about the PCOS. The two guys I'm interested in now both know, and neither one had anything bad to say about it.

One of them already has three kids from a previous marriage, and would be happy to keep it at that number, and the other said that he wasn't only looking to have kids. If he fell in love, then if the kid thing happened, it would happen, and if not, no big deal.

I guess maybe I start kinda early with the full-disclosure thing, but honestly, if a guy I was interested in had a disease that would affect the quality of his (and by association, my) life for the rest of our lives, I'd want to know about it as soon as possible -- not necessarily because I wouldn't be interested in him after I knew about it, just so I could prepare myself for what I might have to deal with.

To me, not telling someone you have PCOS right away is like not telling someone you have kids right away. It's a part of me; it's not going to go away. And it's something that I (and any man who would make a commitment to me) are going to have to deal with.

Does this make any sense?