when will the pain end ?

ShellyMTL · 07-24-2006, 04:34 PM

MY heart feels like its been split open and I have no soul left. I knew it would hit me hard like this if the insurance actually didnt cover it , but to actually hear a rep from the insurance company STRESS to me how NOTHING to diagnose or treat infertility was covered hit me hard . I have done nothing but cry . I have been having to take sleeping pills to sleep for the last 4 days and then its still not working , I wake in the middle of the night crying I HATE THIS !!!

I have wanted nothing more in my life then to be a mother , To have my baby grow in my belly . Feeling every little move, experinecing every little pain . But it looks like my life will never ever feel complete . As I sit here I really realize how heart broken I am I cant even look at the board anymore I use to feel such over whelming joy for someone getting pregnant , now I feel bitter .I do not like feeling this way at all , but How can I stop it .

I feel like I have lost a child , but yet I have never even had one to begin with. How can this pain be so unbareable . I dont want to breath anymore I use to have hope now I have nothing. I cant stop crying . I am sure Ill get over this someday , I wish I would never even began treatments .

Why is my body so screwed up , Why am I so hated . I Hate my life I HATE it , I use to be the most unhappy person period ,then I met the most wonderful man and became extremely happy everyone that knew me could see the change , MY ex husband and I just were never happy. WHY would I become so happy and WANT TO give this man his child become so empty and so sad . I cant take this pain it hurts to much .

Shelly

TickledPink · 07-25-2006, 04:42 PM

I just wanted to say that I am sorry.

I don't know how you feel as I don't want children, but I really do feel for you!

(((((hugs)))))

snooey · 07-30-2006, 09:28 AM

Pro3:11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:
Pro 3:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Psa 11:5 The LORD trieth the righteous:
2Sa 22:28 And the afflicted people thou wilt save: but thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.
Job 5:17 Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
Psa 140:12 I know that the LORD will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and the right of the poor.
Psa 30:7 LORD, by thy favor thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled.
Psa 71:20 Thou, which hast showed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
Psa 135:14 For the LORD will judge his people, and he will repent himself concerning his servants.
Psa 94:12 Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O LORD, and teachest him out of thy law;
Psa 118:18 The LORD hath chastened me sore: but he hath not given me over unto death.
Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psa 69:33 For the LORD heareth the poor, and despiseth not his prisoners.
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Isa 49:13 Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the LORD hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.
Lam 3:33 For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.
Heb 2:10 For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.
Psa 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.
Mic 4:6 In that day, saith the LORD, will I assemble her that halteth, and I will gather her that is driven out, and her that I have afflicted;
2Co 1:6 And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

2Co 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

Job 34:31 Surely it is meet to be said unto God, I have borne chastisement, I will not offend any more:

Job 37:13 He causeth it to come, whether for correction, or for his land, or for mercy.

Eze 20:37 And I will cause you to pass under the rod, and I will bring you into the bond of the covenant:
Mar 4:17) And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word's sake, immediately they are offended.
Isa 48:10 Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.
Pro 17:3 The refining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: but the LORD trieth the hearts.
Psa 105:37 He brought them forth also with silver and gold: and there was not one feeble person among their tribes.
Isa 45:11 Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me.
Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Zec 13:9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God.
Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Jer 29:12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

*~SugarPlums~* · 07-30-2006, 07:22 PM

Did your Dr diagnose you ammenoreah? That's not a infertility issue and they run many of the same diagnostic test they do for infertility. Ammenoreah should be covered. SOrry your going through this. I have had diff insurances, one that covererd only upto 1500 in infertility, and one who covered upto 3 ivf's! (both of them bc/bs) It all depends on the 'package' your emp buys. Also there are some states that mandate fertility coverage. Have you checked yours? SORRY!!