When you think of your baby...

VivC · 03-04-2005, 06:19 PM

How do you picture them?

Rivi looked so much like hubby that I KNOW he would've looked a lot like his baby pictures. I used to have dreams about sitting and talking to Rivi (I miss those dreams), and he was always about 3-4 years old (the fun age), but with hubby's looks, except my chin, mouth, and a lighter complexion (hubby is black, my skin's as white as it can get, and Rivi was a little darker than me).

My Godmother lost a 9-week old newborn, and she said she pictures hiim as a baby still.

So I'm wondering what ages you picture your babies as? And, those who had early losses, you too! Do you think your baby would've been a boy or a girl?

saluki_fan · 03-04-2005, 06:36 PM

When I think of my babies, I don't see them as much as I see me, attending events in their life. I see myself watching them take their first steps, see myself at their high school and college graduations, see myself sitting in a church pew at their weddings, etc. My first due date is just 5 days away now, and over the past few months I've found myself looking down at my stomach and thinking "Why am I not showing?"

Ironically, I never see myself changing a nasty diaper or trying to calm down a child having a temper tantrum at the grocery store!

Maybe that's because my pregnancies didn't progress very far and so it's hard for me to conjure up a face.

As far as their gender, a few years ago I saw a palm reader and she said I would have a son and a daughter, very close in age or possibly twins. I know that doesn't really mean anything, because she also told my friend Jill she'd marry a dark-haired man within 2 years. Four years after that, she married a man with blond hair. My boss was convinced my first one was a boy. I really don't know what to think...all I know is I miss "Mooch" and "Bean" so much.

ReneeBeth · 03-04-2005, 07:45 PM

I guess it's hard to think of Daniel sometimes, simply because I cry and cry everytime I do. But I guess I'm going along with how he'd be growing. If he was born at the right time, he'd be about a month old. He looked just like my hubby, so I just picture my hubby's baby pics. I see me having fun trying to breastfeed the little guy, and him getting to know the kitties...I imagine I'll be like this until it's hard to picture him growing more.
I still wish I didn't have to have that experience. Lately, I guess with the hormones, I've been crying alot asking and wondering why he had to die...why did this have to happen to me. I should be holding my little boy, about a month old, right now...not wondering if I'll get to have this baby, and get to hold him.

*Clarissa* · 03-04-2005, 11:06 PM

That is a very intersting queston. I have a son, now 2, and when I picture the babies, I picture the way he looked as a newborn, and at different stages. When I think about them, I think of how old that they would be, and that's how I picture them.

My first, Alex, would be 4 months, as she was a girl. I am sure of that. My second, Sydney, wouldn't even be a month old yet, and he was a boy, I am sure of that too.

With Noah, I told everyone that he was a boy, I even bought boys clothes for him before I knew. With this pregnancy I knew it was a girl, and I was right. That is how I am sure about the other two. Call it mother's instinct, but I believe that we know better than anyone.

kirvygerl · 03-05-2005, 12:07 AM

I lost a baby to m/c at 10 weeks, and while it was 5.5 years ago, I still think about that child and what life would have been like if he/she was alive now. Even before I knew for sure I was pg, I had a very strong intuition that I was pg and that it was a girl. The funny thing is, I always wanted a boy, but there was just this feeling in me like I was having a girl.

Like Saluki said, I more imagine me with them at milestones in their life. I also imagine what they would be doing now (like my child would be going to kindergarden this year) and how life would have played out for me and my daughter. I also think alot about what she would look like. It's funny, because the minute I knew I was pg, I just had this face stuck in my head. It's the face that I always think of when I think of her. I am as white as a sheet, but her father is filipino/hawaiian, so I imagine this dark haired little girl with an olive complexion and dark brown eyes, but my features.

I also think of the things that I have done in the past 5.5 years, and if I would have done those things if I had had her. Since her father and I long ago parted ways, I wonder if I would be with my dh now.

Interesting thread.

kwannabee · 03-05-2005, 02:39 AM

Quite a few weeks after, my mom called me and told me she had a really vivid dream about my girls...they were angels...dressed alike and playing with Jesus...except ...they were both being huge brats!!! Pulling at His robes...tugging his beard...screaming 'i wanna go home!!!!!basically needing a time out...

My mom said He was a little flustered, but slightly amused...and put them both in a heavenly play pen!

That was the first time i laughed in weeks...now i picture them all the time covered in mud...messy hair...dirty face...and pig tails....always with pigtails...

As much as i spew on here i dont think i ever told anybody that...its nice to hear how you all think of your babies...very comforting.

Angela18 · 03-05-2005, 03:05 AM

I have this one memory from my childhood that stands out so clearly in my mind. My mom and I have been down a very bumpy road our relationship, but I remember when I was little, the love that I felt from her was undescribable. I was about 4 and I was playing hide and seek with her. I was hiding in a 5 gallon bucket and I just remember the joy and love that I felt with her then. I picture that feeling when I would've held my baby, to feel that joy and love that there are no words to express. To never have that feeling go away, because that would be my child to love no matter what.
I picture that my baby would have my husbands smile. In all his childhood pictures he is smiling from ear to ear, the type of smile that would light up a room. It's almost like a dream, where you can't quite make out a face. I think maybe b/c we lost our little bean at 7 weeks.

HollywoodMN · 03-05-2005, 06:11 AM

For me, there's not a day that goes by. I think of them as how old would they be and what would they be doing, or look like now. I picture them as a perfect mix of myself and their Daddy. It sounds strange but on TLCs "A baby story" they show those pic on the right side of the screen as the end credits roll.... well there's a baby on there that looks just like what I picture mine to look like. The things I would teach them and show them and how it would feel to rock them to sleep in my arms every night. Thats the feeling that I miss the most and I never even got to experience it.

PJC · 03-05-2005, 11:02 PM

I always (from the day I knew she a girl) imagined Anna having long dark hair put in 2 braids. I thought she would be short and a little on the stocky side (like her parents!), but not fat. I imagined her big round face and dark complexion hiding behind the biggest brownest eyes. I still look at her picture, I can see her father's nose and round face (mine is a little round, too). I think she would have had some freckles on her cheeks. DBF has some very subtle ones on his cheeks (he's hispanic). I think I picture her at 5 or 6 yrs. I think she would have been a little doll!

HollywoodMN · 03-06-2005, 05:17 AM

Theres this picture on webshots.... its kinda controversial but it means the world to me cause it looks like the picture in my head.... I call it baby blue.

VivC · 03-06-2005, 06:40 AM

You mentioning that you parted with your baby's dad brought up another question in my mind.

Hubby and I were separated when I got pregnant (I know, we sucked at separation!). If I hadn't gotten pregnant, would we have ever gotten back together? If Rivi had lived, would we still be having the problems we're having now (things are pretty bad), or would we have worked things out for his sake? Would we have been more motivated to suck it up, wade in and FIX it? 'Cause now, I'm not at all motivated to do that. I don't think Hubby is, either, so we're a mess. Strange to think of all of this this way!

I picture Rivi sitting under a tree, next to a creek, reading a book. That's the picture I have in my head. When I would dream of him, he would sometimes say he was waiting for Papa (my Dad who died in 2001) to come fish with him. I love thinking of them fishing together - Rivi is the only grandchild my Dad never knew. Once he told me it was okay to be mad at God, and that Papa was mad, too, because I'd already been through so much that it wasn't fair I couldn't keep Rivi. I can just see my Dad arguing with God over that one!

And one time I had a dream (around Christmastime). In the dream, Rivi was alive (about 3-4 again), it was Christmas morning, and he ran to the living room to look at the presents. But he stopped in the doorway, and I came up behind him and hugged him. He tilted his head backwards and looked at me upside down (with his Daddy's eyes), and he just said, "It's Christmas, Mommy!" And he was SO excited. Okay, I have to go cry some more now.

Gnzls924 · 03-06-2005, 11:08 PM

I was very fortunate that my in-laws from Sri Lanka, shared some baby pictures of my husband, Ali. They sent them over a couple of years ago before i got pregnant.

When Matthew was born, i looked at him and i knew he looked like me. But to give my husband comfort, I agreed that his son looked just like him. But now, we look at baby pics of myself, and we see Matthew.

But in my thoughts and dreams, I see my baby in different stages of his life...more so as a one year old beginning to walk or make sounds into words. But I see him favoring my husband a lot. Maybe because we have his baby pictures. All in all, it is very hard to see little kids, especially the little boys.

Hang in there Viv. Thinking about you always!

Tetley · 03-07-2005, 11:51 AM

When I looked at her, she looked so much like her father, his mouth and nose. So I think of her as being a lot like him with huge forget-me-not blue eyes, not brown like mine but with my dark hair - long and curly. Sometimes I imagine her with red hair like her Dad. But she's always skinny, like her Dad. That she looked so like him was bitter-sweet - our relationship was not good. He wasn't with me through any of the hard times.

I picture her laughing, running through a woodland glade that is carpeted with bluebells. The bluebells were out in force when I lost her in April last year. I planted bluebell seeds on the grave she shares with Mum and Dad and I hope they come out this year.

Yesterday was Mothering Sunday here in the UK. This time last year I was thinking how I'd be a mother for the next one. It was Friday this week that the scan showed I was going to lose her. And laying flowers on the grave for both my mother and my daughter was just .... well you can imagine.

I guess all through life we are going to wonder how they would have looked and what they would have done, what they'd have turned out like.

Tetley x

GabrielsMom · 03-07-2005, 12:19 PM

Gabriel's face was shaped like my MIL's - like a heart. My stepdaughter also has this facial shape, so I guess I picture him as a boy version of my stepdaughter. My DH was the cutest baby ever, according to the pictures I saw. I always wanted a little boy who looked just like him. Other than that, I don't know at all how to picture him. I just think of him as he was when he was born.

kirvygerl · 03-07-2005, 10:07 PM

Isn't it amazing all the different things we think of when we think of our babies?

Viv- I think in my case, I relationship was already over with my baby's father when I found out that I was pregnant. I tried to contact him, but did not succeed. To this day he does not know that I was pregnant, or that I lost the baby. I only saw him once after I lost our baby, and that was by accident. I was so stunned to see him that I cut the conversation short and went on my way. By that time I was already with my now DH, and I was just struck by the difference between the two men. I knew that a life-long relationship with my child's father would have never, never worked. Even if my child was alive.

I really admire you, Viv. You have been through so much, I am so proud of you for seeing a therapist. It sounds like the thing that you need right now. It may be that the issues with your DH are/were compounded by your loss, and sometimes profound loss can show us what we really want. Perhaps you and DH would have divorced, stayed seperated, or decided to work things out if you had not had Rivi. However, this could be the thing that shows you either that your DH is the man that you want by your side, or that you are better without him. Perhaps taking the pressure of yourselves to figure it out would help? You both have been through so much that this may not be the best time to make such a decision. No matter what you decide, please know that there are a bunch of women here who care about you, pray for you, and want only the very best for you.

PM me if you want to talk