Where do I belong now?

Mibell · 09-15-2005, 09:50 PM

It's been 3 weeks since my second m/c, and I feel like it's time to move on -- this loss board has been so helpful, but my shock and anger are gone, I'm fine and feel like myself again. But like we've all said, a m/c changes you. The TTC board doesn't seem right for me-- I know I'll never have that giddy happiness at seeing a BFP again. I've been from the Met board to TTC, to the preg board, to this one, and now none of them seem quite right for me.

Anyone else feel sort of stuck in the middle of nowhere?

Michelle

enits · 09-15-2005, 11:36 PM

I understand how you feel because that's how I feel as well. I've just been "fluttering" by most of the forums. I even joined a TTC exercise group even though I'm not TTC.

We're in limbo!

I do hope that you are okay and taking care of yourself. ((hugs))

SheriKCMO · 09-15-2005, 11:39 PM

There was a very active ttc after a loss group when i needed one. That thread was where I spent most of my time in the ttc forum. Some of those cysters were on ttc breaks even, but they stuck around because they would be back to try again soon and still had a lot of the same issues going on. I really think there needs to be a bunch of gals from this forum who are in a similar frame of mind as you are describing and can get an active thread going over there again. We had a very strong bond because of what we were going through, and most of us are busy with kids at this point.

I hope things work out much better with your next pregnancy!! And you are always welcome here to post an update or talk through feelings that come up. Best wishes!

DiamondInTheRough · 09-16-2005, 12:00 AM

I wish there were a "Neither here nor there" category to post in. A place where people who feel suspended in time can visit. Sort of like a pre-place for all the endeavours we face due to pcos...I don't know, somewhere that nothing is really happening, but everything goes...like no one can get offended by any topic..that sort of thing. I know that's similar to the "what's on your mind" category....but not quite the same. Sometimes they aren't questions that we have, but contemplations we'd like to voice.

Kanmustang · 09-16-2005, 12:42 AM

My god, I thought I was the only one feeling that way. I am still "sad" at my second loss, but I don't want to dwell on it either, but I'm not quite ready to TTC again. Maybe I'll be ready in a few weeks or months, but who knows? 2 losses in 5 or 6 months is well, HELL. I have so many other issues in my life right now, and I keep reading other posts, and trying to find a place to fit in. If you ever want to talk feel free to email me or PM me. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone in feelilng out of place right now, but then again, I guess I've felt somewhat out of place my whole life...lol!!

enits · 09-16-2005, 02:05 AM

Maybe this thread could be a start to what we're all looking for...we're not TTCing, we're just doing a whole lot of thinking. What do you gals think?

JuliannePCOS · 09-16-2005, 02:12 AM

I understand exactly how you feel.

I still like to help people out with their TTC questions, but I do get frustrated when someone who has been TTC for one month gets their happy BFP and then they have a perfect pregnancy..... and I'm back at square 1.

jlbrown122 · 09-16-2005, 04:32 PM

I feel the same way. Even though we are ttc, it is very hard being in a group with those that are very innocent and haven't experienced a loss. On another group I was on before I found SoulCysters, there were women complaining about not getting pregnant the 1st month they started ttc or they would say how they have been ttc for a very long time, and it was only like 3-4 months. Try ttc over 5 years! It is hard seeing how quickly others get pregnant. I would never wish infertility or a loss on anyone, but it is just hard for me to be around. I also don't think I will have that excitement again if I ever get another BFP. I will be too worried that something will go wrong. I often feel that I just don't belong on ttc groups.

Kristina921 · 09-16-2005, 06:25 PM

I know exactly how you all feel....I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of no where...I'm still waiting to get a normal AF after my loss in July and I'm on hold. I don't feel comfortable on the TTC boards either, everytime someone gets a BFP, I feel like I lose a piece of myself. Like the last signs of hope slowly get stripped away....

JuliannePCOS · 09-16-2005, 07:49 PM

Sort of related to your question, it was even hard to be on the pregnancy boards when I was pregnant because there were women who were complaining about the littlest things all the time.

"I'm getting stetch marks! Oh no!"
"I'm having a boy and I wanted a girl! Oh no!"
"My ankles are swelling! Oh no!"

One girl on another board, on April Fools Day, even made a post about how she was so scared that she was miscarrying and had fluid coming out and she wasn't due until July 1. (I was a July DDB with her on that board and still followed everyone.) It was April Fools. She thought it was hilarious.

Yeah. Hilarious. I made a comment and she said that I needed to get a sense of humor.

kirvygerl · 09-16-2005, 08:38 PM

JuliannePCOS- The April Fool's thing is one of the worst things I have ever heard. My blood is boiling. While I wouldn't wish a loss on anyone, that girl really needs a reality check. Perhaps that would show her how "funny" something like that truly is. She is heartless and cruel. I hope karma bites her big time, and someone tells her to get a sense of humor

Mibell · 09-16-2005, 09:26 PM

Well thank goodness I'm not the only one who feels like I'm in Limbo--we certinaly could use a thread with that title, couldn't we? Sometimes I start to post on the TTC board, especially when it's someone who thinks after a couple of years of trying that they'll never get that BFP. I started to TTC in my early 20's and I didn't get that BFP til I was 38! So when I start to post that, I think it will be encouraging, but then I remember that the end of my story might not be. I still think getting pregnant at all was such a gift. But am I ready to try again? I'm not sure. I know that I don't want to prevent pregnancy right now, and I am taking met, but is that really trying? I'm not charting or timing BD or anything. I'm sort of just leaving the possibilty open . So maybe we need a 'not trying to NOT TTC' thread!

Thank you so much to everyone who responded so far--and I hope we can hang out here for awhile. I can't tell you how many times I started to post on other threads and just deleted it because I didn't feel like I fit in.

Michelle

enits · 09-16-2005, 09:45 PM

I still lurk on the TTC forum and once in a while answer some questions. But sometimes, I just couldn't be bothered because some of the women there don't have the same issues that I have.

On the TTC bit, ugh, I'm too scared to even think about it right now. DH said he's ready. I'm not. It's in my mind, though. So for now I'm on BCP.

Julieanne, the April Fool's joke from that woman was very distasteful. People who've never experienced what we have will never EVER understand what it feels like to be us.

Michelle, kudos to you for having the strength to start this thread!!!! THANK YOU!

DiamondInTheRough · 09-17-2005, 12:51 AM

JulieAnne, How DARE she!? What a dispicable thing to joke about. Boy oh boy, would I have been her worst nightmare if she'd done that infront of me.

JuliannePCOS · 09-17-2005, 02:12 AM

Seriously, I'd try to find it on the other board, but it's not worth it. I think that a lot of people wanted to tell her it was a horrible thing to say, but they didn't want to start a conflict. I don't mind a little conflict when it's something so horrible.

Like I mentioned above, there was also a totally different girl who was ANGRY that she was having her third boy. She found out about a week after I m/c. I was like, "uh.... trade ya. You take my little boy and I'll take yours."

She couldn't understand why I couldn't see where she was coming from. She couldn't understand why I thought that was a horrible thing to say.... and she got angry and defensive about it.

Uh hello???

Not that all people are like that who have not had a m/c. Although the reactions I've had from family and friends -- close friends -- have been ALL over the map. Some don't know what to say and ignore me.... some keep telling me to relax.... etc etc.