Who did you tell ... - Page 2

bridgetmcmeen · 07-06-2009, 12:26 AM

We told everybody last cycle and it was a BFN...we're telling everyone that we have to save up some money and I'm going to lose some weight first. I've lost 13 pounds and I'm just so impatient...we're going to try again as soon as AF arrives!! I'd rather keep it to myself and not have everybody asking about it and have to tell them it didn't work...again! This way they can have a suprise too...both of my parents grandchildren were conceived on fertility meds. My SIL has PCOS as well.

Anonykat · 07-06-2009, 12:34 AM

We told NO ONE the first time.

This time, I told my mom and my BFF, but not just because I wanted to tell; I had a specific reason for needing each to know. I'm in favor of telling as few people as possible, because most people who haven't been there make a lot of stupid comments.

Sareybear · 07-06-2009, 12:40 AM

We decided to be very open because we feel that we will need support (even if it comes with stupid uneducated comments) We've told anyone that's asked. I feel like I have a whole community with me in my journey. The stupid comments give me a chance to educate and change people's mind so that maybe in the future, they will understand for someone else. Maybe they will appreciate their own children more. I had one girl after I almost slapped her sit down with me and burst into tears. She said she felt bad about saying certain things about her daughter and how she felt bad that she considered abortion. She also said she wishes she could better understand. I get lots of questions so I try to keep myself informed. By my being so public I've created and large support group and I get unlimited support from family. My boss gives me the hardest time. I've also brought PCOS out into the open. I must have told over fifty women about PCOS. Now they know and can help a friend of theirs that might have it and not know.

If my journey ends without a baby, I will be sad. But the journey will not be in vain. That's how I look at it. ;O)

Revadea · 07-06-2009, 12:57 AM

We finally told my Mother-in-law after six months, but not openly, just that we were trying. as time went on we informed her after about a year of our problems, and she has been very supportive, offered to go to appts that hubby couldn't be at, and has been a shoulder to cry on. My SIL became pregnant, and MIL was great, understood it took us time to become happy for her and was very supportive. We told my mom 6 months ago, and she has been a total butt hole about the whole thing! My brother got married in Nov. and left for work for a while, he was home for the first 10 days of May and left again. He found out his wife was preggo and called my mom, she then called me pretty much rubbing it in my face! She said "they are having a baby, they tried so hard i am just amazed it happened for them on their first try!!" "isnt that amazing?" I was pissed and hung up the phone on her and havent talked to her since. I am her daughter and she cant respect my feelings and understand what we are going thru. Not to mention this is my brothers 3 wife since hubby and i got married 2 years ago! This is why i left home at 16! Now my husband completely understands why i have very little to do for my family!

We are going to a new Dr.in a few weeks, and MIL and SIL will know, SIL may tag along for support since i am her birthing coach, she owes me a few favors. But we will no longer inform anyone else of ourbattle with infertility! Even our friends dont understand, and make stupid comments. they are like, why dont you just adopt whats so special about having one of your own( she is pregnant with #2) and one asked us if we ever thought maybe its just not meant for us to have kids(but i am her #1 babysitter on call)

Good luck with your IVF, i hope you find the much needed love and support!

jesskeddy · 07-06-2009, 01:17 AM

We told a few close friends and parents. I figured they would know something was up when the cycle hadn't worked. I don't know about anyone else but I crash afterwards. Good luck!

Bruisen · 07-06-2009, 06:40 AM

I have told a few of my closest friends, no family. I think it is great to have someone to talk to about it. DH has not told anyone, although I wish he would so he could talk to someone about it, because it does get him down at times.

We are pretty sure some of our friends have figured it out, but they are nice enough not to bring up the subject.

jamers0060 · 07-06-2009, 12:39 PM

sareybear-i am the same as you. i tell anyone that asks and i am very open with friends and family about it. i like to educate people as well as to how precious and such a miracle having a baby is...in hoping some of them will start to appreciate their children more and understand they are lucky and blessed. i also want people to know about pcos too so i am the same as you. i tell anyone really and i dont mind people knowing, but when it does eventually work and i am prego, i wont tell anyone by a few close friends and family until i am more sure of things...

meggowiggle · 07-06-2009, 02:08 PM

For us, TTC wasn't monumental enough to inform people. We went years without b/c of any type and did not get pregnant, so we didn't see the sense in telling people we had entered the stage of "trying". It would just get them excited, expectant, and talking about it to us all the time. We didn't want the added pressure or people nosing about. Plus, telling people about a BFP is way more exciting when they aren't prepared for it.

However, most of my family and friends know I have PCOS and know what that means for us, and the ones closest to us know we aren't b/c-people, so if they put two and two together, yeah, we're having a hard time.

Mamapapa · 07-06-2009, 03:58 PM

I was a gestational surrogate for friends and loved telling people that fact when I was pregnant - I also enjoyed being able to educate people that real surrogacy is not anything like the movie Baby Mama! But with infertility, I was shocked to find myslef much more private about the issue as the few people we did tell had some nasty comments. Some actually told me this is why I shouldn't have been a surrogate because now I'm infertile. Um, no! I've had PCOS my whole life, being a surrogate didn't give me PCOS like it was a transferrable disease! I also had lots of people tell me to relax and it would work, again, relaxing won't fix my medically diagnosed problem! And then we had the ectopic loss which was devastating and lasted THREE months until my hCg was back under 5. So this time we're not really telling anyone, I feel I educated enough people on surrogacy so my teaching days are done! Even when we get our BFP, we won't be telling anyone until 12 weeks as we need to get through the first few beta's and u/s to make sure it's not another ectopic. After we're safe, I do plan on being honest about it then. But right now, I don't need everyone else's comments to stress me out more so we're just keeping this on the down low. But like Meghan said, people have known we've been trying since I blabbed about it back in May 2008 so any half intelligent person should be able to put together the fact that we're having a hard time too!

mjsam · 07-06-2009, 05:44 PM

We only told a few close friends that we were trying. Luckily, our families never asked, even though we are now both in our 30's. I'm sure they have been wondering...
Now that we got our BFP (7 weeks, 2 days) we have told only a few of the people that knew we were TTC, but no one else yet and will probably wait a few more wks.
My question is, for those that did get their BFP and told everyone at some point, did you also tell them that you'd been trying a long time and about all your problems? No one even knows I have PCOS. I just know my mother will ask "how long had you been trying" (b/c she asked my SIL that) and others may ask too, and I'm wondering if most of you were honest about it after you got your BFP or not.

jenniek41908 · 07-06-2009, 08:42 PM

We are only doing IUI's not IVF but we told our parents and my brother and sisters. (DH in an only child). I did tell my closest co-workers b/c of scheduling issues. We are not telling anyone else.... it's too much each cycle to say "nope not this month"

sadlerfan · 07-10-2009, 03:30 PM

Thank you all for your support on this!

The first time we told a few friends - when we told my mom she lost it ... he is mom was SOOO happy ... we told everyone before I confirmed it with the RE at 4 weeks ...

We too have not used any birth control for almost 9 years so we have always been trying. We started treatment in 2002 and have worked our way to IVF/ICSI - the only thing that will work for us.

Sorry to be so short ... at work ... gotta run!

RBH · 07-10-2009, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wmoody
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I've told close friends and immediate family, although I haven't had IVF. Question- did you go straight to IVF from Clomid? Did you try injectables?

We have only told 4 close friends and our parents, one of our brother's and of course my boss. We just got married in July. I am turning 30 and my DH is turning 39 this year. We started TTC last November and were quickly told that my DH had LSP. I was put on 2 months of Clomid and then within 2 months we were told I had full blown PCOS. Since we were hit from both sides we were told to stop the Clomid and that IVF was really the only way we could go.

sadlerfan · 07-10-2009, 05:21 PM

RBH - We too are dealing with MF! I kinda feel cheated .. we had to the timed bd'ing, clomid and bd'ing, clomid and iui, clomid,injectables, & iui and then IVF/ICSI = the combination that spells success for us
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I wish I would not have wasted so much time on all the other stuff and went right to IVF. It sounds like you have found the right doc, one that is not going to waste your time! Who is your doc?

Drea15 · 07-10-2009, 06:02 PM

Just about all of my friends know that we are TTC. I have no problem with it and the questions like "you pregnant yet" dont bother me. I am in Law Enforcement and work with mostly guys and they are less sensitive. For instance they like to point out every pregnant person we see. It's gets annoying but I dont take it personally.