vdubs

hello

has any of the men on here got any advice for my bf.

he trys to understand but nothing works

he just says that women stuff and gives me a hug


any help welcome

thanks

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polka_dot_guts

mine doesn't understand either.
we are supposed to getting married.

I think he's goin to leave me.


I've decided I don't care.

polka_dot_guts

ok ok,
no. I DO care.
that was at a bad moment.
sorry ladies.


Men will have a hard time relating because I truly beleive they do not have the ability to empathize as much as women.
That is of course because well...they don't have our parts!
I don't ovulate and I've got a stache going on, and I generally do not feel like a woman. He doesn't understand why I don't want to have sex because I don't feel sexy most of the time. He says, "I think you're sexy! Isn't that enough? I think you're beautiful!" Sadly, it's not. It's not just that I don't want to have sex with him because I think I'm not sexy, it's that I actually do NOT feel sexy or turned on in the least most of the time. I beleive the term "desert crotch" is applicable here, sorry to offend those gentler readers...
I tried to use a metephor that he would understand.
I said, "ok imagine that you can't get it up. You've been making little navy guys like crazy, but they just won't swim and you can't ever even get wood. Imagine also if you started growing man cans and never have to shave. Ok now imagine a trip to the mall, the tire shop, the hardware store..." He made the most hilarious face at this point, and I think he almost gets it.

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joyblack

Ok. So you've got a moustache. And you reckon you're not sexy. I used to feel I needed to hide the fact that I had a moustache and shaved every day. And the fact that I was flat-chested. But the guy who's now my husband actually met me for the first time when I'd a whole lot of coarse stubble on my upper lip and no padding on my chest. For him, my moustache is a turn-on, rather than a turn-off. And our physical relationship is just great. Don't assume your moustache is a turn-off -- it could be just the opposite.

vdubs

polka_dot_guts hunny i think i can help you babes

i used to feel like that very un sexy and ugly

I now do a few things

I go and have my tash waxed along with my chin and my eye brows shaped
I go to the same place and always see the same women

also you need to work out if its ur mind or your body that dosent want sex?
if its just your body gets some durex play works a treat also there is loads of other stuff that can help

if its ur mind that says no then its a bit more work. you need to really sit down wityh yourself and give yourself a little time to talk. find out why? ask yourself things then try and answer them.
form what you have said i think you need to start to make yourself feel good.

here are some of the ways i do this

*have a long bath with candles
*get ur eye brow/face waxed
*get yourself looking great and go out for a drink with a female mate
*get your bf to give you a massage or give him one
*take a small walk out in the contry side
*get your nail done
*change your hair style

polka_dot_guts i hope you start to fel better soon hunny

*hugs*

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joyblack

I can understand that makes you feel good -- all trace of your "masculine" bits gone for the moment, so you're in the mood to relate to your guy. But my question is Does he prefer you with your moustache and beard growth removed or is he equally or even more turned on when your facial hair is showing? For my dh, he's much more turned on when I'm bristly.

vdubs

ok yoyur consfusing and scarying me now

you do know i am a women

and i go out with a man

i get waxed cos it makes me feel more like a women when all the hair is gone

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joyblack

Sorry, didn't mean to do either of these things.

Yes, as am I

And I've a husband and a large family

I understand that. And that's the way I felt when I was a teenager. I tried to make myself more like people tend to think a woman "should" be. Shaved my moustache every evening, wore a padded bra to make it look as if I had proper breasts whereas the reality was that I was just about flat. Then my (now) husband met me on an occasion when I wasn't wearing a padded bra and hadn't shaved for 24 hours so had a very obviously stubbly upper lip ............... and the rest is history. We have a fantastic physical relationship that doesn't depend on me pretending to be "feminine." My husband actually likes me the way I am naturally. He'd be quite happy if I never shaved at all. He often points out that I can be female without being "feminine." He also points out that it's my high testosterone levels that make our physical relationship so good.

shaun29684

Vdubs, it was all explained to me exactly as it was, all the details. I had a look around online and the stuff she said made sense. Also when i needed some advice i found this place. I dont know what to suggest if he push's it aside as "womens stuff", i know some men have a serious problem talking about periods etc. It does take a while for us men to understand and i doubt that we will ever fully understand because we just dont know what, for example period pains feel like. Maybe you could suggest to him to do some of his own private research online if he feels weird discussing it.

Hope my answer helps in some way i know its a but vague.

Shaun

joyblack

So tell us a bit about how you feel with regard to a gf having male facial hair -- my (now) husband liked it from the day he first met me, but I'm sure not all guys would like that. Would you find it difficult, for example, to have your gf shaving her face like a guy? What are the tough things for you to accept about pcos in a gf?

shaun29684

Well my fiance doesnt have that problem and if she does she hides it very well, i guess everyone has different symptoms. The main issues for me is the infertility, the one thing she cant give me is children. I want kids one day but shes more important to me than having kids. Due to hormone pills etc and painful periods she can be snappy from time to time but cant we all?

As for the facial hair its hard to say how i would feel without it happening, if it was to start happening now id most likely be ok with it as im head over heels with her... meeting a girl with facial hair to me personally would be a bit of a put of, i dont mean to offend its just the way i feel personally and i know its shallow to a degree. After all if she had that when we met i would be missing out big time.

Br@ndy

Take him to the obgyn with you. He will pay attention out of sheer fear then Lol. But its true, I finally ended up taking my husband with me and I can say he really does get it now. Men learn visually so try to do it in a way he can comprehend.

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joyblack

Thanks for that, Shaun -- it's really good to have a guy who'll give an honest answer here.

I was amazed that when my (now) husband saw me for the first time he wasn't turned off, because I hadn't shaved for 24 hours and had coarse black stubble on my upper lip and I was also flat as a pancake. There's no way I could ever be able to offer him the sort of "femininity" most other women could and indeed at that stage, in my late teens, if I hadn't long hair and been wearing a skirt I could very easily have been taken for a guy. But we have been able to have children, which is great. And the physical side of our relationship is fantastic.

Thanks again for your frankness.

obsessivelynatural

I'm sure guys do understand to a certain extent. Majority of the time, I feel like they just don't know how to deal with a certain topic, so to avoid any form of discussion about it they brush it off and wonder about it on their own time. They aren't stupid or mean, just looking out for themselves I guess

jennifer_crawford

My DH also went w/me to the GYN... He listened & asked questions... But, I don't think he really understands what is going on. He doesn't get the s/s of the situation...lol
Some men do & some men don't... But, I like the idea to take him w/you to the GYN - it does actually work! - I think?!?! He is coming around anyhow!

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