Why!?

Slow-Motion · 05-20-2009, 12:58 AM

I know something is wrong with my husband... At times he can't distinguish between reality from dreams (i guess dreams.) He can't remember things that happen this morning, and thinks some things that really did happen he just dreamed... Yet his therapist says he has no memory problems but only chooses to "feigh memory loss" when he doesn't want to talk about something. He also thinks my husband isn't bi-polar or schizophrenic nor does he have a paranoid personality. Why can he not see something is wrong? I can't open my curtains because my DH thinks people watch him. He can't hold a job because someone always seems to "pick on him" or "get him fired." I'm sorry but that right there SCREAMS Paranoid!

My DH also thinks everyone is "out to get him" or out to make things as hard for him as they can.. I just don't get why his therapist made both DH and I feel STUPID for thinking something was wrong... My therapist has gone by things I have told her about why I stay stressed out and says my DH has something wrong.. So why cant his therapist see it? UGH I just don't get it!

oaktreegirl · 05-20-2009, 08:16 PM

Are you able to make an appointment to speak to your husband's therapist privately and discuss all the symptoms with him? If not, are you able to get another therapist for him? This sounds serious, and you want a health care provider who will take your concerns seriously.

Slow-Motion · 05-20-2009, 11:44 PM

Last year DH saw the Marty(therapist) and came home very pissed because the he was given some articles from the bible to read and was told that he may be bi-polar and that he just needs to find a "higher being." I'm not sure what DH is religiously but he HATES when ppl tell him he needs religion. DH never went back to the guy. Now because of some things that happen last week I set up the appointment to go with DH, but asked if he could have a different therapist and explained how dh doesn't like to be told anything about religion. They said that since DH had already met Marty he would just have to see him aging, and that it is against company policy to say ANYTHING about religion, and there was no way Marty could have done that.

After the therapist makes me fell down right RETARDED he turns on DH and says "Well you seem to just not WANT to do ANYTHING, you choose to forget things you don't want to talk about and it seems to me that you "act" depressed to get your way." Now I'm sorry but I agree with DH on this one, it seemed like a personal vendetta to make us seems stupid because we "told on him" for the religion. My therapist has said I have anxiety, Marty says I don't, that I just get a little nerves when confronting DH... WTF!

Because of the way the company is set up, DH can't get a different therapist... PLUS they are the only therapist office in town and the surrounding areas.. We would have to drive 2 hours to get away from that company..

I just don't get why you would tell someone they are lazy to work when they are terrified to go out of the house?? I just don't know what to do...

tracybirduk · 05-21-2009, 06:49 AM

I think you have every right to ask for a second opinion. Also I wonder if a psychatrist would be more appropriate than a therapist. Therapy is a two way journey and designed to improve negative areas of life, if your husband or you dont feel comfortable with this person then therapy will never be a two way process and isnt going to work. Write to the practice manager and demand a second opinion - in the UK we are entitled to ask for one about anything, but not sure how it works over there.
Big hugs
Tracy x

Julia Gulia · 05-21-2009, 10:51 AM

My ex husband had a lot of the same signs of mental disorder that your husband does. He started out depressed in general, but the older he got the worse his paranoid delusions became. He couldn't hold a job because every time he started a new one, a few weeks or months later he would come home spouting stories about how they were all out to get him or F*#@ with his head. It got to the point where I was having to defend MYSELF when he would include me in his paranoid episodes. He also had an alcohol problem, which aggravated all of it.

Anyway, when I finally had enough and left, he got into "therapy" and was dx with some kind of "General Anxiety Disorder" which I still believe was bogus, and that if that "therapist" hadn't been half quacked himself, he would've gotten a more specific and serious Dx.

I would definitely get a second opinion, and like a PP mentioned it may be better for him to see an Psychiatrist who deals with those kinds of disorders and has a good kind of reputation with them. He sounds a lot like my ex, and just "therapy" and talking about his feelings, reading the bible, etc isn't going to do sh*t.

Slow-Motion · 05-21-2009, 11:16 AM

OMG that was so crazy, I swear to you, I thought you were explaining my DH!!

His ex wife was "out to get him" and even had him fired from the highest paying job he had while with her... I don't feel that therapy will work with DH because he wont open up about ANY of his feelings, but I thought It would help THEM see how he is. But if DH doesn't like him from the start there is no hope for him to get comfortable enough to open up..

I notice that when DH and I are out in public he is "Mr. Cool Guy, laid back not saying much, just trying to not draw ANY attention to himself" but at home it the opposite. He is always scared that I'm going to hurt him, (if i get frustrated with something and throw my hands in the air like UGH, he will freak out..)

As for seeing a Psychiatrist, we have an appointment for June 1st. BUT DH has already talked to him and says how he never lets DH say anything and how he "just doesn't give a S***." He thinks no ones believes what is going on but he "can't explain it" or "doesn't remember" when they ask. My therapist said that most of the time it is the family member that makes that dx and the doctors just follow through with that.

I don't understand how someone could "fake" being all these things for the past year, and by talking with him dad the past 10 years.

Julia Gulia · 05-21-2009, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slow-Motion

His ex wife was "out to get him" and even had him fired from the highest paying job he had while with her... I don't feel that therapy will work with DH because he wont open up about ANY of his feelings, but I thought It would help THEM see how he is. But if DH doesn't like him from the start there is no hope for him to get comfortable enough to open up..

I notice that when DH and I are out in public he is "Mr. Cool Guy, laid back not saying much, just trying to not draw ANY attention to himself" but at home it the opposite. He is always scared that I'm going to hurt him, (if i get frustrated with something and throw my hands in the air like UGH, he will freak out..)

Everyone from my ex's past was out to get him. His Dad's ex-wife was a fav of his to toss around. He even accused me of being related to his ex step mother's family and said that I was working with them to bring him down. Yeah, things were pretty bad at our house!

My DH was quiet and nice, respectful, etc, to everyone else. He even convinced our marriage counselor that I was just young and having a hard time adjusting to the marriage - instead of her seeing that he had a drinking problem, mental issues, etc. It was VERY frustrating for me. He never got help until it was too late. By the time I left I had been drained of all love for him, but then he got help, and it was too late for me. I still don't think they figured out how to treat him, though.

Hang in there for now, and try this new Psych. I hope you and your DH can get some answers. It definitely hinders things when he isn't able to open up about his feelings at all, maybe if you guys go together you can kind of help him do that? Have you had a chance to talk to the doctor one-on-one without your DH?

Bethann · 05-22-2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oaktreegirl

Are you able to make an appointment to speak to your husband's therapist privately and discuss all the symptoms with him? If not, are you able to get another therapist for him? This sounds serious, and you want a health care provider who will take your concerns seriously.

You would need your husband's permission to do this. DH has blanket permission to speak with my pyschiatrist, and to get information, because he's an important partner in coping with my bipolar, but I had to give that permission specifically.

It does sound like something is wrong with your husband, and getting a diagnosis would be the first step towards treating it--I agree about looking for a new doctor, but a pyschiatrist would probably be a better choice than just a therapist (although they can be a key part of treatment too, just not alone.)