Why can't I have a hysterectomy?!?!(rant)

Amavin · 05-26-2007, 09:44 AM

I'm only 25, and haven't had any children....that's the long and short answer.

However they don't consider the following.
i don't WANT children.
Any form of BC amplifies my PCOS pain. (depo was the worst, but several other forms have been tried and they all aggrivate my very hostile ovaries and uterus)
Last time i was on BC i bled for 12 weeks! Ended up anemic and dizzy and almost hospitalized.
Ovarian Cancer runs in my family.
Last time I GOT pregnant, I lost the baby at 17 weeks along due to an incompetant cervix. Ya, let's go through THAT again!

This irks me! Everytime I go to the Dr. They tell me it's unethical to give me a hysterectomy, simply because I might change my mind in the future and want children. SO?!?! I'll adopt! I have several very logical and emotional reasons to not have children, one of those is the fact that PCOS runs in my family and with every generation it gets worse. Why would I want to keep passing this on? It's called natural selection. Why dirty up the gene pool? Why not adopt a beautiful child that is already here? It's like ordering a pure bred dog from a breeder with a greater chance of hip dysplasia when there is a great little mutt sitting in the pound, waiting for your love. Why not relieve my chronic and at times severe pain? Why not get rid of most of my hormonal problems, put me on hormone replacement therapy, and then we will KNOW I'm getting them.

I don't get it!! I don't want kids, but I have to keep a broken reproductive system that probably won't even produce a kid anyway!!

The part that actually initiated this rant, is a friend of mine works at a urology office, and they routinely give 20 year old men vasectomies....so a MAN is able to truly choose if he wants children or not, but a women isn't. What women are so irrational and wishy washy that we are unable to make serious decisions about our life?

GIVE ME A BREAK!! AND TAKE THIS STUFF OUT OF ME!!

creme brulee · 05-26-2007, 10:53 AM

Regardless of age, I know a lot of insurance companies won't pay for a hysterectomy unless all the option have been exhausted like pelvic u/s, hysteroscopy, ablation etc. If this is truely what you want go for a 2nd or 3rd opinion?

tariana · 05-26-2007, 12:50 PM

It's awfully permanent, I think. It's also MAJOR surgery with all the risks associated with that. I don't think most doctors are going to want to do it whithout a real medical reason why you would need it. I also don't understand why you would assume you couldn't carry a pregnancy to term. Many women on this board have had successful pregnancies after a loss.

I'm also a little offended of your comparison of adopting to just choosing a dog at the pound. Adoption is HARD -- in many cases, I believe harder than TTC/pregnancy. It's emotionally draining and financially draining and I don't like people who haven't been there to make it out as though it's easy. Also, our daughter was not abandoned as dogs at the pound are -- her birthmother made a responsible decision to place her for adoption. If you're really serious about adoption in the future, you'd do well to read and learn about it and learn what terminology is correct/acceptable to adoptive parents and their adopted children.

*~SugarPlums~* · 05-26-2007, 02:03 PM

If you are so sure you want this then get a second and third opinion.
I also found your comparison with adoption and the 'dog' in bad taste.
That being said, getting a hysterectomy does not mean that your problems will be solved. In some cases it may make things worse. I have read cysters post here about that.

Adoption is not as simple as going to the pound and 'saving' a puppy. Like the previous poster mentioned , there are lot of things that go along with it and you may not even qulaify to adopt. And, as far as 'passing along' pcos, even with a thorough and complete adoption process, there are many things that can pop up later in life that can cause health problems. Lets face it, many that are put up for adoption don't always come from stable parents, and the ones that do are on a long waiting list to be adopted. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

The fact that you became pregnant is a good sign. Ic is a bad fluke, I have it. I was able to carry after a cerclage.

If that is what you want, like I said, get a few other opinions. I am sure that you will find one that will do it. Tell them all the reasons you want one. While you find another Dr/Drs, I would really take some time to think about everything to be sure you are 100% positive that is what you want. It is permanent. Another thing you may want to consider, is an iud. That is pretty close to permanent but can be removed later on down the line if you do happen to change your mind. Best of luck to you.

Amavin · 05-26-2007, 04:59 PM

Oh give me a break people. WTF is so miserable about dogs that people can't view them as a valuable member of your family instead of a piece of property. Is it POSSIBLE that maybe I value animals on the same level as people. Is it POSSIBLE that 'saving' a puppy is as noble as 'saving' a child from the system. Did I ever say adoption or parenthood in general was easy? If I did, please quote it.
I'm a vet tech (in training still) animals are my whole life...is it possible I was trying to relate my problems to my experience in another area. I can't even tell you how many beautiful dogs I see come in with horrible problems due to irresponsible breeders, and I can't in good conscience create a child with all my family history (ovarian cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer, heart disease, diabetes, PCOS, depression, and in a few cases, mental illness).

And 2nd, I wasn't ranting about the adoption process...I'm fully aware of the process...My mom fostered kids, wanted to adopt one, got almost completely through the process when the natural parents stopped it and took them back. And IMHO if you want to adopt a dog you should be doing as much research and preparation as you can, when you are responsible for an animal, be it human, feline, or canine, your job is it to the best for them, regardless of cost or inconvenience.

My complaint was about the double standard. The DOUBLE STANDARD that men are allowed to make major surgical decisions about their future parenthood but women aren't.

I'm sorry if I offended anyones sensibilities, but it seems that you guys COMPLETELY missed the point.

I don't WANT children, I know I'd be a good mom and for a long time I felt like because I'd be good at it meant I HAD to..and I finally realized I don't HAVE to do squat. I spent the first half of my life living for my parents approval and the last thing I want to do is turn around and spend the second half of it living for another person...but thats my personal choice. Women shouldn't fell obligated to reproduce if they don't want to....and if they figure out later that, "oops I DID change my mind and now I have no uterus", why is adoption less special than any other form of adding to your family.
And why does this country think women aren't capable of making those decisions for themselves.

This is a free country, people should live like it's actually a free country. If you want to breed, do it! If you want to adopt, do it! If you don't want to have kids, don't! Free speech, freedom of religion, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. LIVE FREE OR DIE! THAT was my point.

*~SugarPlums~* · 05-26-2007, 07:26 PM

We were giving you our opnions and I am sorry if you interpreted anything I said wrong, so take a

I am a huge animal lover. I 'adopted' a puppy last year and even when the stupid Humaine Society gave it to me with PARVO, I used money out of pocket to save this dog, and it is here with me today. BUT..... if my dog or ds/dd were both in front of an oncoming car and I could only save 1, you bet your ass I would save my child. There is no questioning that.

And I know you said you have not had a child, but you have and that little Angel baby already made you a mommy.

You are right about the double standard with men. I think they are more apt to give a vasectomy because it is not as invasive. And let's face it, there are more single moms than single dads. Maybe you should have put that on your title thread intead of 'Why can't I have a hysterectomy?' Maybe you would have gotten the responses you needed.

No you didn't say adoption was easy, but you didn't mention that you realize it is a journey. Basically you said 'SO, I'll adopt', which can sound very easy. Well , I just take a walk.....

I think it is wise for a Dr. to question things so you can get another opinion. I am sure if you look for another Dr, there will be one who will do as you wish.

What happens to the women who decide for the hysterectomy, then later decide 'ooops, I made a mistake' and cannot adopt or even foster? They would be advising other women of the mistake they made.

I know that for me, all I was trying to mention to you is a) get another Dr, b) make sure 100% that is what you want. c) getting one doesn't mean that all your problems will be gone. Like I mentioned before, BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

This is a free country, people should live like it's actually a free country. If you want to breed, do it! If you want to adopt, do it! If you don't want to have kids, don't! Free speech, freedom of religion, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. LIVE FREE OR DIE! THAT was my point.

Your right, it is a free country, and EVERYONE is allowed to their opnions.

nomadic_existence · 05-27-2007, 04:17 AM

I think that the two who are offended by her notion of using the adoption of babies/dogs misread her tone. (Obviously tone is hard to read on a board.)

All I'm saying is, she's frustrated, and venting- she probably didn't intend offense.

I also understand how people can think their dogs are their children as well, because we're pretty much done having kids here (have one) and our next "baby" will be a dog (crazy as it sounds, we just love dogs, and there's nothing wrong with that).

So, peace ya'll. Please try to understand where she is coming from.

To Amavin, I am sorry you are facing these challenges with your doctor. I hope you get some closure soon. I'm facing a possible full hysterectomy myself, but am hoping the BCP route will help me out. We'll see.

EmmBee · 06-29-2007, 12:44 AM

I totally understand where you are coming from. If I didn't want children, I would be looking for a doctor to remove my uterus too. All it does is bleed on me for days on end. However, I do want children someday, and my SO is not interested in adopting, so I'm keeping it.

I would like to address your double standard accusation though. A vasectomy is easily reversable. A hysterectomy is 100% not. That's the real difference. When that 20 something guy decides he wants kids in 10 years, he can have the tubes reconnected. They won't be finding you a new uterus. With the way doctors are being sued for malpractice these days, I can understand one not wanting to put his career on the line for an unreversable decision you may come to regret.