Why deny it?

goldenlyfe · 01-03-2008, 04:28 PM

The second I was diagnosed I knew that my body would not host a baby... That was 4 years ago but I have had PCOS symptoms since I was young...

I don't understand why people can't embrace the fact that I am strong enough to have worked through my baby woes... When I say that, "I physically can't have children and that I'll have to adopt", I always get "Well pray about it" "You believe in God?, then don't give up" "Why give up" "You don't know that" ... are you kidding me!!!! I have not had a period in 9 years!!!!! no eggs released, nothing, nada... I mean these are people who I thought were somewhat intelligent and then they say stupid stuff like "You must have more faith" or "Well have you really tried?" oh my favorite "I never thought you a quitter".... Well kiss off!!!! I do have faith, I believe in a power bigger than me, and that I am promised children.

My girls, my angel daughters, I believe that once I get my stuff together I will be blessed with two daughters. I write to them weekly, I see them in my sleep, I talk to them when I am awake. Their names decorate my watch and they are always in my heart... so if that ain't faith I don't know what is... I have not given up I am simply finding a different way to solve my problem... so why can't they see that or at least SHUT UP...... lol

I don't know... so what do you say to people that are too ignorant to understand... I mean I know the saying ...don't argue with a fool cause folks won't know who is which... but really!

calches · 01-03-2008, 04:46 PM

Well, I like you have always known that I was going to adopt. I accepted it a long time ago...and to be honest it was never really a desire of mine. I do know that God has put in me the desire to be a mom...how I get there doesn't matter as long I do...which I know will happen. But you have to honest with yourself...these people that are telling you this don't know what you have gone through. I just politely listen and let it in one ear and out the other. Yes, God can work miracles and you could get pregnant but I wouldn't place all my eggs in that. God has the right child out there for you and that is all that you have to believe in...

Side note...have you looked into adoption. If you go with agency they more than likely are going to make you face your infertilty issues...one of the agencies that we had looked at a couple of years ago was one where we had to go through a cleansing weekend and do like counseling with each of us and then in big groups..we understood the concept but to me if you are looking into adoption seriously then you have more than likely come to terms with ttc...and that it is not working. JMHO.

Good luck...we are here for you to rant/talk with us...not to blow up at the pppl that are around you that more than likely don't know that what they are saying is annoying you.

Fritzy · 01-05-2008, 05:20 PM

There are so many ways to get your destined family. It is always frustrating. My SIL had the same issues, and now she just tells them we were always meant to adopt, not give birth and they have been waiting for the right children. It usually shuts them up. (They have finally found them and are adopting two beautiful four year olds they met in Mexico while her husband and she were vacationing) They had been looking for their children the last six years! So I really do believe you will meet those little girls you dream of and "just know it". Good luck, and you are in my prayers.

mereseeley · 01-06-2008, 10:12 AM

Hello, I have been faced with similar questions from strangers, co-workers, and at first some friends that do not know my situation. The one that always gets me is that "you are single, why not get married, and have 'one' the old fashioned way". Augh!!!! (there is so much wrong with this statement).

This is in response to the fact that I have choosen to adopt. While I do have PCOS, which has made finding someone difficult, I know that I will one day find that right person. And when I do, he will have to be more than accepting of my son whom I have adopted. I was adopted and so was my sister, so I always knew I would do it too. I just chose to do it when the time was right for me. Not around finding a husband first.

Anyways know that you are not alone. I remember my mother telling me about the dumb things people said to her. Now I can add to the list of the things people have said to me. At least afterwards, it gives us a good laugh. Although at the moment, being nice is not always an option. Sometimes, 'it's just my choice and I don't feel the need to discuss it right now" is the best answer. Good luck and be strong!

goldenlyfe · 01-07-2008, 06:13 PM

OMG!!!

Thanks ya'll SOOOOOO much it has been a rough end of the year... my younger sister got married in August and ever since then it has been when are you gonna get married this and when are gonna start a family that...TOOOOOOOO MUCH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

So anyway thanks ya'll and to Mere you are my she-ro LOL but seriously I want to adopt hubby or no hubby so I sooooo respect your decision.....

Thanks again...

Paula

Oh Mere was it hard to adopt as a single mom? Did you adopt in the states... any info would be great... if you don't mind

.... PM me anytime!!!! and CONGRATULATIONS MAMA!!!!

Miss-Meme · 01-08-2008, 10:34 PM

Mere, not to hyjack but can I ask why you are using Soy? I know I used soy when I was TTC, just wondering why a single gal would be using it.

coffeelady · 01-08-2008, 11:57 PM

oh my gosh, i've had the same things said to me, largely by my MIL. lol. (apparently the 15 grandkids she already has are not enough b/c there aren't any from us.)

i'm finally meeting with a specialist - i wanted to talk to someone who knew more about what they're talking about before completely giving up having a baby. but in some ways, i'd prefer adoption. i've known so many to adopt, and i watch them interact with their children and you'd never know they weren't blood children. there are babies who need loving homes. i have a loving home. plus, although i'd love to see a little DH running around, i don't think i'd miss the 9 months (and if i've never been prego than i don't know what i'm missing so voila!) so we've decided if it's going to require shots and thousands of dollars, forget it. that'll be our "sign" that we're meant to adopt.

but don't you just want to slap people sometimes? i often want to say, "I DON'T FUNCTION PROPERLY LIKE YOU WHO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED! so leave me alone." lol

mereseeley · 01-10-2008, 11:53 AM

goldenlyfe- Well, since I still a new member I can't PM anyone yet. But to answer your questions, it wasn't too hard. The biggest issue is finding a country (I chose International) and agency that was willing to allow single parents. Once that was done, there are many biases that you will run into, by being single. You just have to be confident and strong in what you are doing. There is so much more than what I can post here about the process. My email is mereseeley@hotmail.com. If you would like more info. about the process.

Miss-Meme- I am using soy TTC. I had originally planned to start the process to adopt again, soon after my son came home. However, with all the changes to the adoption process in Guatemala, changes on how I feel about missing out on his 1st year and facing that with another child, and also for financial reasons. I have decided TTC. I have a long time boyfriend (3 yrs, off and on), we would like to get prego. Yet, his job/life may be taking him away from here and me. So we may not try, and I might use a sperm donor. Right now, I am just trying to get all the docs to retest everything and try to come up with a plan. Since my old docs, couldn't even tell me if I was O, I figured I would take it into my own hands and try to figure all this out.

DStout · 01-12-2008, 01:55 AM

I always have adoption in the back of my mind and know I will pursue it if TTC doesn't work in the next year or so. I always hate hearing - You should just go ahead and adopt because then you will end up with a surprise pregnancy. I usually say something like - Really? You have a crystal ball? Can you tell me this week's Lotto numbers too? But then again I am a very direct and sarcastic person who is over people who know nothing of PCOS trying to tell me to relax and not stress and blah, blah, blah. Yes, because relaxation alone cures cancer too. Sheesh. I think we are all entitled to a little bitterness at the people ignorant of our issues but I do try to temper my sarcasm with a laugh and hope they get it.

Good luck finding your girls - babies to love are babies to love no matter how they become part of your life. :-)

goldenlyfe · 01-12-2008, 02:59 PM

Thanks ladies....

I found out a friend of mine is preggers... I am very happy for she and her boyfriend, they had just bought a house a few months ago so I know I will be called to decorate the nursery... (I do have a few skills LOL)
.......... sooo anyway a mutual friend of ours (who also has PCOS) thought that I wouldn't do the room (WHAT?) (a chance to design a room, with somebody else's money!?) LOL anyway I was so confused.... But then I realized she is trying to transfer her hate onto to me... I am not jealous of my friend, why should I be, but I realize my other friend is.... just crazy!!!!!

Why do people think that you can't be happy for other people... I faced the same crap when my sister got married... A lot of "if you need somebody to talk to, or how sad you must feel... Awwww your sister is moving on... " TOOOOOOO MUCH PEOPLE !!!!! I mean really!!!! LOL anyway just thought I'd share the craziness around all the hoopla....

Have a great week ladies!!! and as always thanks for letting me know I ain't crazy or in this mess alone

.... cause clearly the folks around me don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessie Rae · 01-15-2008, 08:59 PM

Just a side note from an adoptee...I've always known that I wanted to adopt because I'm adopted myself. Now I'm having to deal with the fact that I may have to only adopt rather than have biological kids and adoptive kids. But I really am ok with that (doesn't mean I can't still try

) AND I know what a huge blessing adoption is.

To the people who say "have faith, God will provide you with children" well maybe He needs to use you to provide a child with a home who wouldn't have one otherwise. Who knows where i would have wound up if I hadn't been adopted! (actually I have a good idea and it's not pleasant to think about)

I wish you the best of luck with adopting your two "angel daughters" and I'm sure you will fully love and enjoy all of the wonderful times you have with them because of the obstacles you have/and will have to overcome to get them!