My little one is in heaven! I would have been 8 weeks tomorrow. Words can not even explain the pain I'm in. I want our baby back! I never wanted our baby to die!! This was a total shock to us everything seemed to be going picture perfect until this morning I got out of the shower and was drying off and I was bleeding. MAJOR Bleeding. I called my Dr and she told me to get to the hospital it took me about a hour just to get ready and cleaned up to get in the car and then all the cramps started to come and well anyways I will spare the gorry details but the Dr wanted to do a D&C b/c of my bleeding but I refused (not sure why its just what felt right at the moment) so they sent me home with pain meds and if the bleeding doesnt slow down in a day or two I promised I would go back for a D&C. All they really did was give me 2 bags of IV fluids and some shot b/c of my blood type they think maybe thats why I m/c but I have no clue I'm 0- I didnt know there was issues with being O-. I'm so sad and depressed I dont even want to wake up. I just want to go to heaven and hold my baby and tell he/she how sorry I am that this happened. I would give anything in this world just to have our baby back.
Jessica,
Honey, I'm so sorry about your baby! There is nothing that will truly help you right now as you pick up the pieces... you must do the work of grief yourself. But know that you are not alone. Many of your cysters have lost their babies as well and are learning to cope as time passes. Most of us have been exactly in that emotional place, not wanting to wake up. As life continues around us, we somehow figure out how to become part of it again and find new hope eventually. Give yourself plenty of time.
Lots of Hugs!
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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((Jess)). I'm sorry you had to move over to this board! I'm so sorry your baby left. All I can say is that you should go with your emotions. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like screaming, scream. I promise that the rollercoaster emotions don't mean that you're going crazy. We've all been there. Don't force yourself to grieve on somebody else's timetable. You'll heal when you heal. And you'll never get over this - you'll always miss your baby, and you'll always wonder what might have been. Be gentle with yourself, and know that we're here for you.
ETA: When I'm having a really hard time, I just think of Rivi in Heaven, playing and waiting for me. I hope that the image of your little one in Heaven can comfort you as much.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
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Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
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Oh Sweetie I am SO Sorry you lost your little baby.
All the girls have given you such great advice. We've all been where you are now. Just try and take good care of yourself. Do what you need to get through each day. It's not easy I can say from experience. And you don't ever get over this (I still don't know how and why people feel the need to say this to someone) but you learn to cope with it better.
I also have to say come here and vent and talk about your little one ALL you want. We're always here to listen and chat with.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot give advise as I haven't been there myself but I wanted to tell you something my mother told me once, and I hold it dear to my heart.
"Only perfect people get chosen to go to heaven. God won't take people until they are perfect"
Hope it helps you feel that your baby was perfect and that's why he/she was chosen, that is definitely what I truely believe.
__________________ Natalie (28) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Chris (29)
Married April 28 th 2004 (Punta Cana, DR)
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Diagnosed in April 2003-Metphormine 500mg
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. If it weren't for loss message groups, I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am these days.
We're here to talk if you need us.
__________________
Jules (34) Harrison (35)
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Jess i'm soooo sorry...the pain and numbness youre going through...i remember it all too well I know, we all know... there are no words really to make you feel better, or that will help make sense of this...all i can say is time passes and the open wound will heal over...always there...but not as raw...its hard to believe right now though...and believe me...just getting up in the morning really is a first step after such a loss...its a true success at first...so give yourself credit for that...
my heart goes out to you right now and just know we're here to lean on...all the emotions you will feel...we've been there...we're here for you.
{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. One thing that has helped me is writing a journal to get my feelings out. I also write letters to my baby. Allow yourself time to grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Surrounding yourself with support is important. I didn't have support of friends during my miscarriage, but did find some wonderful ladies on-line that were going through the same thing. It helped knowing that I was not alone in what I was feeling and it helped having a "safe" place where I was allowed to talk about my baby.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. One thing that has helped me is writing a journal to get my feelings out. I also write letters to my baby. Allow yourself time to grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Surrounding yourself with support is important. I didn't have support of friends during my miscarriage, but did find some wonderful ladies on-line that were going through the same thing. It helped knowing that I was not alone in what I was feeling and it helped having a "safe" place where I was allowed to talk about my baby.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
Jess,
I am SO sorry for your loss. This isn't fair and it isn't right. The first few days are the hardest - it's hard to sleep, hard to wake up once you get to sleep, and torture just to be awake. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now.
On another note, the loss almost surely had nothing to do with your blood type, but when the mother is a negative blood type, like O- or A-, she gets a "Rho-gam" shot just in case the baby had a positive blood type. I believe this is to keep blood cells from getting mixed up and causing medical problems, but I'm not sure. I have O+ blood so I did not need a shot with any of my losses.
On yet another note, I, too, had to make the agonizing decision whether or not to have a D&C. I decided to have one. There are pluses and minuses to having one, just as there are pluses and minuses to not having one. At any rate, if you have any questions about why I opted to have one, or the positives / negatives, please feel free to PM me and I'll answer all your questions as best as I can.
We are all thinking of you during this difficult time.
Jess, I'm so very sorry that you have to join us on this board My heart goes out to you.
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
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I couldn't possibly find any words to take away this pain ur feeling right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of u.
__________________ Sarah (24)
Vegetarian cyster
DX 11/9/03
After believing I was going crazy for years I finally have a diagnosis! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Why did our baby have to go heaven? 
So sorry! 
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. If it weren't for loss message groups, I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am these days. 
