Why did you choose

Mindijean · 05-01-2006, 09:19 PM

the adoption route you're taking/have taken?

If you chose to use foster to adopt, why? Was it the cost of international that made you choose fostering?

If you chose international, why? Was it the guarantee of having a child to adopt?

If you chose a domestic adoption agency, why?

We've always considered international adoption out of our price range, that's the main reason we went foster-to-adopt. But, even though it's only been about a month that we've been approved to adopt, I'm already getting frustrated. There are always 50+ other families looking to adopt the same child....it feels like we're never going to get anywhere.

macrod · 05-01-2006, 10:23 PM

We chose the foster/adopt route because we wanted to foster/adopt older children. We ended up fostering babies as that is what was greatly needed in our area. We adopted one of our foster babies that came to us at 6 weeks. She is the light of our lives and I am so happy that God places us on the foster/adoption path. Good luck in your decision!

Mindijean · 05-01-2006, 11:00 PM

There are virtually no infants for placement in our area! We've had five foster children in the past year, ages 5 and under, and they say that's a whole lot for that age range!

Maybe we should come to Texas?

Adoption Momma · 05-01-2006, 11:16 PM

Mindijean - I updated my website last week with this very same issue. Why we adopted and why we chose foster to adopt.

http://www.freewebs.com/adoptionmomm...ionjourney.htm

Why Adoption?
Adoption has always been important to both Mike and me. Even before we found out we had infertility issues, we felt biological children were optional, but our desire to adopt would eventually be fulfilled.

There are so many options when it comes to adopting. First you need to decide if you want to adopt domestically or internationally, open or closed adoption, ethnicity, sibling groups, special needs, etc. The list goes on. Fortunately, we both had strong convictions about domestic adoptions, specifically foster children. When we decided to announce our decision, we had a mixed response. We actually had several people make ignorant comments such as, "You know once 'they' get to a certain age, there's nothing you can do for them." or "Why do you want to take care of other people's kids? Why not just have some of your own?" or "I know somebody who adopted and when the child grew up, he moved away and doesn't have anything to do with the people that adopted him. Can you believe that? After everything they did for him, and he turns his back on them". These are just a few of the insensitive remarks. Some I don't feel comfortable repeating.

Regardless if your children are biological or adoptive, there is always a chance he or she will decide to severe ties with your family when they become adults. It's sad, but it happens every day. Parenthood doesn't guarantee eternal gratitude from the children you raise.

With the exception of juvenile delinquents, no child is in state care due to his or her own actions. They did not asked to be torn away from the only family they have ever known. They were conceived, usually not under ideal circumstances, and exposed to situations no child should ever have to endure. Drugs, neglect, abuse, sexual abuse and misconduct - these are real issues we face as a society. Do we turn our backs and ignore the innocent children left from the aftermath of such disgusting habits and lifestyles?

Currently, there are over 800 children in the guardianship of the state of Tennessee. Many of them are sibling groups. Unfortunately, people want to adopt only babies and many will not consider adopting a child past toddler age. Ethnicity is another factor. When you look at the children available for adoption, many are African-American or Hispanic sibling groups with older children. People are spending millions of dollars on fertility treatments when all across our country we have thousands of children desperately aching for a family to call their own.

Let me be clear. International adoption is a wonderful choice for many couples. Several of my friends have been blessed with the most intelligent and beautiful children as a result of an international adoption. They have spent ten of thousands of dollars, filled out piles of paperwork, and usually had to wait years for their precious child to come home. As I previously stated, adoption has so many choices and each person needs to follow his or her heart.

Our hearts clearly led us to get certified as foster to adopt parents. I am so grateful we chose adoption. Our children entered our lives at the ages of 5 and 7. While we can't get back those years, we can make the remaining time they are at home full of love and happiness; creating wonderful moments and memories to last a lifetime.

We are discussing the possibility of adopting again. When the time is right, we will decide what we feel is best for our family. We are not opposed to adopting a teenager. A couple I know adopted their daughter when she was 17 years old. You see, it's not about the number of years you have to raise your child, it's about making a positive change in his or her life and creating a family that will last forever.

If you are searching your options, please consider adoption. Please research your choices and remember: regardless if it's the private adoption of a caucasian baby or a sibling group of three Hispanic children, each life is important and deserves a loving and nurturing home. As I've said before:

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE DOES NOT HAVE A DNA REQUIREMENT

Mindijean · 05-02-2006, 12:54 AM

Tina....we are 100% considering adoption...we're just not sure which route to take in order to adopt! We're licensed foster parents and have our homestudy complete (and it's been sent out twice already!). It just seems like (even though realistically it's only been a month) it's never going to happen for us domestically, at least not in our state.

We have our hearts set on adopting either one or two children, under the age of five. There just aren't any in our state! That's why I'm tiptoeing around the idea of perhaps looking into international.

We would love to give a home (and our hearts) to a sibling group, but it seems like, in our state, the sibling groups w/ younger children are 5 or 6 or more siblings! We just don't have the time/energy/resources/finances to raise that many children!!

I'd love to hear everyone's reasoning though....why did you choose the road to adoption that you're on?

Mindijean · 05-02-2006, 12:54 AM

PS - Tina, your sons are just adorable!! Now if we could only be that blessed!

Adoption Momma · 05-02-2006, 01:00 AM

Mindi - Oh, I know, I was just too lazy to write when I could just copy and paste from my website.

Thank you...we have been very blessed indeed!

I can't wait to find out when your blessing or blessings will be arriving!!!!

~Lisa~ · 05-02-2006, 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindijean

the adoption route you're taking/have taken?

If you chose to use foster to adopt, why? Was it the cost of international that made you choose fostering?

If you chose international, why? Was it the guarantee of having a child to adopt?

If you chose a domestic adoption agency, why?

We've always considered international adoption out of our price range, that's the main reason we went foster-to-adopt. But, even though it's only been about a month that we've been approved to adopt, I'm already getting frustrated. There are always 50+ other families looking to adopt the same child....it feels like we're never going to get anywhere.

Well the route we took was just meant for us, it was word of mouth really. It was a private adoption that we got a lawyer and did on our own thru our state both times. Wasn't something we were looking for at the time. We were looking to adopt but the birth mother contacted us after learning how much we wanted to adopt and then contacted us a second time to adopt from her again. Worked for us. ((hugs))

Lisa67 · 05-02-2006, 05:48 AM

We chose to adopt from China. After the years of IF treatments and premature birth of our 1st daughter, followed by more IF treatments and a miscarriage my heart and my body couldn't take any more. I had virtually given up that we would have any more children since my DH didn't have his mind on the same track I did.

Thankfully (through lots of prayer) my sweet DH found himself looking in the same paths I was. We looked into foster to adopt but decided against it. Mainly we didn't want to bring a child into our home that potentially (most likely) would leave--we thought it would not only break our hearts but our oldest daughter would have been crushed. At that point in time we wanted to permanently (is that the right word?!) add to our family, not to foster.

So...we went to a few local agencies and learned about international adoption from various countries. When we entered the doors of the agency we did choose, that does only adoptions from China, our hearts were stolen. We knew exactly where our daughter was waiting for us.

From then on it was a very easy decision for us!

And now, having learned so much more about the Chinese culture, China's people, and most importantly Chinese children I couldn't imagine having it any other way. My girls are my joy!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindijean

the adoption route you're taking/have taken?

If you chose to use foster to adopt, why? Was it the cost of international that made you choose fostering?

If you chose international, why? Was it the guarantee of having a child to adopt?

If you chose a domestic adoption agency, why?

We've always considered international adoption out of our price range, that's the main reason we went foster-to-adopt. But, even though it's only been about a month that we've been approved to adopt, I'm already getting frustrated. There are always 50+ other families looking to adopt the same child....it feels like we're never going to get anywhere.

~Traci~ · 05-02-2006, 06:32 AM

We chose international adoption (China specifically) after talking extensively about adoption. I always knew I would adopt even if we could have biological children. When biology wasn't coorporating (we've lost 9 babies in 2 years) & there was no reason why we decided that we just wanted a family & biology just really didn't matter to us at all. We decided to pass right over domestic adoption b/c of horror stories that we've heard about birth parents taking their children away years later & issues w/ birth families, etc. We didn't want to have anything to do w/ that b/c of everything we've already been through (not to say that every adoption turns out like that but we didn't want to take a chance). We then thought about international & it was just natural to go w/ China. We didn't even look @ any other country. I immediately talked to Lisa (Hi Lisa!

) & went w/ the agency that she used b/c she raved about them. From then on we started filling out paperwork (which isn't all that bad...not as bad as everyone says it is & we even had to do more b/c of an "issue" DH had 12 years ago!). We're now almost 6 months in to the wait for our daughter & even though the wait is long (& longer than when we first started) I know in the end that we'll have our daughter that we've been waiting so long for. I think in the end it really doesn't matter how your family is formed, just that it's formed.

At first, I thought international adoption was going to be a huge expense but from talking to families that have adopted domestically, we're definately not paying as much as they are/have. There are also grants & there's the $10,000 tax credit once the adoption is final (the bad part is that you actually need to come up w/ the funds before though). Just to give you an idea: For us (as well as everyone else that adopts from China), we don't have to come up w/ the entire amount all at once. We have "installments" to pay & so far our biggest one has been $2,000 (for home study & post placement). The next biggest expense will be our "in China" expenses & travel costs. There are some countries that you don't have to travel to if you don't want to (like Korea), not sure of the costs though.

Good Luck!
Traci

dna · 05-02-2006, 12:53 PM

We chose international twice and if we decide to have more we will be doing it again

For us the wait with Child services (CAS) is just too long and heartbreaking in our area with the return of children to b-parents etc...I couldnt handle it...

The cost is the cost...unfortunately there isnt anything we can do about it so we make do and scrimp and save to make it all work out...in the end its just money ??? LOL at least thats what my mom says...

I wish you luck and hope that your child comes to you soon

{{{ hugs }}}
Amy

Mindijean · 05-02-2006, 06:09 PM

One thing that does scare me about domestic adoption. Our social worker said that we're more likely to be able to adopt if we agree on an open adoption. I'm not sure how I feel about that?

andysmom · 05-02-2006, 07:50 PM

Our history: Adopted our son from Russia in 2003 when he was 17 months old.

Why did you choose the adoption route you're taking/have taken? Originally we chose to adopt internationally because we wanted a completely closed adoption. I did not want the birthparents to ever come back into our lives. This is funny because I have done a complete 180 degree turn around now. Domestic adoption left the choosing up to the birthmother. International adoption left the choosing up to us. I am a control freak so my choosing was definitely what interested me.

If you chose to use foster to adopt, why? Was it the cost of international that made you choose fostering? Didn't ever consider foster parenting.

If you chose international, why? Was it the guarantee of having a child to adopt? The guarantees were nice, I will admit. I was really scared at the thought of adopting a child and then the birthparents getting involved, etc. Like I said earlier, I am now completely changed.

If you chose a domestic adoption agency, why? Didn't ever go there.

Now that I have my son with me and he is growing up. He is 4 now. I really regret not having any details at all to share with him about his birthparents. I know the day will come and he will ask the questions, but I won't have anything to give him. I don't want him to ever be hurt and I feel like I will hurt him by not having anything. I don't know if I would be interested in a 100% open adoption, but I would be willing to consider it now which I wouldn't have before. Semi open would be great. I could have medical histories, birthparent names, etc. It is hard to make the choices, but it is all worth it in the end.

Polly

Sister66 · 05-02-2006, 11:00 PM

We chose to (try and) adopt through the state because of financial reasons. I am sure we would adopt an infant if the funds were there.

We would never adopt from overseas because their are plenty of kids here that need us. I don't think any less of anyone that does adopt internationally, it's just not for us like fostering is not for everyone.

We didn't decide to become foster parents until after we had our adoption homestudy completed for awhile. DH didn't want to foster while expecting a baby because he doesn't want the foster child to feel left out but we will make sure to renew our license and foster after baby is 3-6mths old.

Calantha · 05-04-2006, 08:45 PM

We chose international adoption both times. Both because we were afraid of having a birthparent come back and take our child from us (a'la the horror stories you see on the news) and also because we love to travel and experience other cultures so we were very comfortable with that aspect of things, and the idea of incorporating other cultures into our daily lives.
We went to Colombia for our son in 2004. We chose Colombia partially because of the lower cost of the program (even with travel it was less costly than most domestic adoptions!). It also helped that we both speak some Spanish, and I can even speak it fairly well. We knew that we wanted a son, and we heard that Colombia had many boys who couldn't find homes. Long story short, we were simply led there, even when we tried to go in another direction!
This time we've chosen China. We knew we needed a daughter to help complete our family. We knew that China had many girls who needed a home. We also knew that there is a TON of information available to help us educate a Chinese daughter about her culture, something we've had great difficulty finding about Colombia! The thing that sealed it I think was when my DH was discussing it with a coworker, who happens to be a Chinese woman. As soon as he mentioned adopting a daughter from China she started crying and told him what that meant to her and offered to help in any way she could. Her emotional reaction sealed it for us, and now that we have chosen to adopt a special needs child from China, she continues to be one of our biggest supporters, even offering to help us communicate with our daughter when she gets home and teaching us some basic Chinese words that might be helpful.
We are using the same agency for China that we used for Colombia (we chose them for Colombia because they were local and had a great reputation!) and couldn't be happier with them.