Why does it have to be this way?

mjaygirl · 10-18-2009, 03:50 PM

For the last few days I have felt better since being diagnosed two weeks ago, but certain things just send me spiraling back into the depression. Today I got on my facebook account and another one of my friends announced that she is pregnant. Why do I feel such bitter envy and hatred towards my friend when I should be happy and supportive? I thought that I did everything I was supposed to do in the right order; I went to college, got married, and the next step in the process was to start a family. My DH and I have been at this step for four years. My friend isn't married and hasn't been with this guy for too long, but she is happily expecting. I don't want to feel this way as I know it is not me. Why do we have to struggle like this ladies? It's just not fair.

Happy Wife · 10-18-2009, 04:19 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I have been ttc for 2 years and it seems everyone around be is getting pregnant. I had one girl I worked with tell me :My doctor said I wasn't ovulating, but I still got pregnant the first month we tried." I wanted to rip my hair out and scream. I too did everything I should have; got married, went to college, bought a house large enough for kids, and waited until we could afford to have a child. My sister and my cousisns all got pregnant before marriage and could not afford to have kids when they did. My one cousin has three they can not afford and they are planning to have another. She is a watress and he is unemployed and they live in a 2 bedroom house. 5 people in 2 bedrooms and they want to add another! My sister has two kids, they were both on meth when she got pregnant each time (although you would not know that now so that's a positive) Then I found out something that made me want to scream a few weeks ago. She knows I have been ttc for 2 years and I'm struggling because I am worried I am running out of time, I'm 35, and she tells me she has had two abortions! I knew about the one but not the second! I just wanted to cry!

You are not alone here and it's a good place to vent. Just try to think about how much better it will be when you do finally get your BFP. I know that my child will be truely wanted and will not have to wory about where their next meal is coming from or where they are going to live (this is how my niece and nephew lived the first few years) I am just fortunate that I have an understanding husband who feels the same way and we can vent to each other. Now that you have been diagnosed hopefully your time will come soon. I am ovulating again after only 2 months of treatment! I have hope again because now I feel that there is a chance for us.

japauley · 10-18-2009, 06:50 PM

It seems like the people that don't want (or shouldn't) have children get pregnant so easily
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When I was in the waiting room for an US (that showed my ovaries are completely covered in cysts), a pregnant woman waddled in. She sat near me and loud enough for everyone to hear said, "I don't even want this **** kid." It just broke my heart, since I'm not even ovulating.

I did what you guys did. I went to college, got married, and tried to save a little money (no thanks to the economy lately). My cousin didn't graduate high school and she became pregnant around 19 years old. No job, still living at home, with the baby's father married to someone else
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Then she got him to divorce his wife (and mother to his other 3 children) to marry her after their child turned 5. I was so disgusted I didn't go to the wedding.

RDeems · 10-18-2009, 09:06 PM

I think it is normal to feel that way, we have all been dealt a really crappy hand in life! I work for a big baby clothes company and even though I work in the corporate office, there is baby stuff EVERYWHERE in my office. To top it off, the woman who does all of the maternity benefits/leaves/etc. sits right behind me and I hear her talking about babies all day long. In the morning, I walk directly past the expectant mommy parking spaces as I head into my office. All of it hurts, it's like a knife in my heart every single day. I actually attended a baby shower for a coworker about 2 weeks after my diagnosis which was really, really tough. She also said "oh we weren't even trying, it just happened" -- that one really got to me!

It is ok to feel this way, don't beat yourself up for it. My heart will feel incomplete until the day I deliver my baby and I won't stop striving for that goal, no matter what.

elizabeth0531 · 10-18-2009, 09:31 PM

my favorite quote came from my grandma, she said: "never compare your life to anyone else's, because you have no idea what their journey is all about'. At the time, she was scolding my 10-yr old cousin for gossiping but i have found it's helped me quite a bit with ttc. because i'm the same way: loving husband, lovely home, education & steady income, etc. but no baby yet. and my heart completely breaks whenever anyone is pregnant... it is SO hard *hugs*. but sometimes that quote will give me a little peace, because it helps me realize that a lot of these women would probably die for some of the things i have, like that loving husband. and in the end, i KNOW i will have a baby, i have to believe that. and she may never get her loving husband. that probably sounds dumb, it's hard to explain. i guess my advice is, let yourself be sad/angry, it's natural. but in the end, focus only on yourself and do not worry about what anyone else is doing, you know what you are about and soon enough you will have EVERYTHING you desire. i don't know anything about your history, but now that you have a diagnosis i'll bet things will get much easier! at least you will know what you are working with and be able to face things head-on. fix a problem that may be relatively minor that you didn't know about before. do you chart, or anything?

i wanted to add, my husband and i have also been trying (well, not preventing) for 4 years and now that i have a dx, i have been able to figure out what to do and am now ovulating. there is definitely so much hope, don't give up!

mjaygirl · 10-19-2009, 11:33 AM

Yeah I've charted and did the opk's, just now working on getting a little healthier before we officially TTC again. Thank you ladies for your stories and words of wisdom. This place is great for us!

megandmike2024 · 10-19-2009, 03:47 PM

Right now I know more people then I can count on 2 hands that are pregnant or have kids and shouldn't be that lucky...and I hate each and every one of them. I know deep in my heart I don't but on the outside I feel like if I don't hate them that there's something wrong with me. My mind just tells me to hate hate hate them but my heart says "you'll get your chance" I just wish I could believe that.

c0urt1127 · 10-20-2009, 01:12 AM

I know how you feel and all I can say is it sucks, its unfair and you have EVERY RIGHT to vent all you want about it. I'm having the same kind of day.

*Hugs*

CarrieGutz · 10-20-2009, 04:44 PM

It IS hard! I was just recently dx so I'm just waiting to get on meds. I can't stand it when I see someone take it for granted that they got pregnant. I just have to think about how cherished this baby will be when they finally get here!