We went in to our first OB appt after being released from the RE on Friday. I should have been 9w4d. I've been spotting for a month straight so my OB wanted an u/s. We went in for the u/s and there was no h/b and the baby was only measuring 7w5d. We were both devistated. I have never seen Chris cry in the entire time I have known him and I saw him cry on Friday. We went up to the RE for a second opinion. We had to wait 2 hours until that appt though. I didn't know what to do w/ myself. All of us were looking so forward to this baby. I didn't want to tell any of our families and I didn't know how I would. It was confirmed at the RE's office w/ another u/s. We had to wait for my RE to come back up from surgery for about 30 mins or so. All the waiting was horrible and made it even worse. I just wanted to go home and climb into bed and never leave. The RE came in and said that he thought a D&C would be best in this case. He gave us a choice to have either him or my OB proform it. Chris answered for me b/c I couldn't even talk and said either one. Now we are just waiting for a call to find out when it will be. Now I am walking around knowing that I have our dead baby in my body and there's nothing I can do about it. I know that I've been like this for atleast a week, maybe more but I didn't know about it at the time so this is different. My RE said that the reason why it could have happened is b/c of the other sacs that I had. He said that the other 3 sacs that I had could have been taking blood from the baby so it didn't have enough. It's just not fair...
Traci
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Married 6 years (1/16/03) to my wonderful husband! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
1 DD (B: 9/06; A: 8/07) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
RE said IVF next To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ....starting IVF Feb/March 2010
Traci, First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you are dealing with this. Miscarriage is something that no woman should ever have to deal with. The sad part about it is that we might never know (in many cases) what causes it and yes, LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
I have had 2 miscarriages and a stillborn child (info is in my sig). Knowing you are carrying around a child that is no longer living (especially one at 37 weeks) is a HORRIBLE feeling. At the time, I did not even want to live. It was the worst day of my life.
My advice to you. Nothing anyone says to you is gonna make you or your DH feel any better right now. You are gonna be mad, sad, confused along with a WHOLE bunch of other feelings. THAT IS NORMAL! You and your DH need to take time to grieve for these babies...all the time you want and need. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to get over it. That is just ridiculous.
You hang in there and post here as MUCH as you need to. We are all here for you. We know what it is like to deal with the loss of a child. I will keep you and your DH in my prayers.
Awwww, Tracy, I am so sorry...I've "been there/done that" and it's not a good feeling. I was spotting VERY early on in my first pregnancy and I knew at 6 weeks that this pregnancy probably wasn't going to make it. I didn't miscarry until 10 weeks, so I went on for about a month watching this poor little thing dwindle away. Week after week the heartbeat would get lower and lower, and the rate of growth decreased as well. I couldn't do a d&c knowing there was a heartbeat so we decided to wait it out. We finally had our d&c the day after Christmas in 2001.....horrible time for dh and I. I had a hard time finding anything good that could come out of this...anything positive. At the time, there were no words, no magic pill, no events that could take the pain away and make it all better. As time went on, I rationalized things in a medical way (if something was wrong with the baby at 6 weeks, then something was REALLY wrong...and I wouldn't wish that life on anybody), but my heart was aching for the loss of the possibilities. What I do know now is that I had to do something to acknowledge that this baby existed and had a huge impact on my life. What I wish I had done was get a tattoo (but didn't think of it at the time), but I got this little angel figure that I put out in my yard. I can see it when I do the dishes and it's a daily reminder of what was. Now, fastforward almost two years later, and I have a beautiful baby girl. Now, I have my answer to all the what-ifs. If it wasn't for my angel, I wouldn't have my Katie....and I can't imagine life without her. So, if I have to make meaning out of terrible and yucky situation....my angel gave me my Katie...and what a wonderful gift that was. What I wish for you is to take time to grieve the loss of your baby, find a way to remember it and this time in your lives, and what I really wish for you....is that your angel will give you your gift someday. It will happen....You have a little guardian angel now. Go by yourself a little angel, go get an angel wing tatoo, go have a drink (or two!), and just know that the pain you have today will ease up a bit. You will never forget, but this difficult time will teach you some wonderful things. Bug hugs to you and we are here for you if you need us.
__________________ Me 38, Dh, 36,
DD, Katie Grace 4/8/03 she's 5 now!!
DS, Samuel Fenway...born 12/22/04, he's 4 now!
With Katie, tested ++++at 12dpo
13dpo: 428, 16dpo:1,903!!!
Born on April 8, 2003
8lbs, 6oz, 20 inches long
With Sam,4/12/04 beta= 131 at 8 or 11 dpo, p4 14.4
4/15/04 beta= 1,059 at 11 or 14 dpo
4/28/04=36,850 P4=35.2
Oh Traci, NOOO!!! I am so, so sorry. I was so hoping your appt. would be a good one. I had a missed m/c a few months ago and it's very difficult, I know. My DH also cried very hard when we saw our little baby did not have a h/b and had stopped growing. I think seeing him so upset made it even harder, b/c he never cries. We also opted for a D&C rather than a natural m/c, and I am very glad we did it that way. I wish I had some words of comfort for you. Please know you and DH are in my thoughts.
(((HUGS)))
Angela
__________________ Me 32 ~ DH 33
Mom to Anna Kate, my Russian Miracle
b ~ 7/18/01 a. 2/11/02
I hadn't been back to the April Mommies thread for a few weeks (it still hurts a little too much!) and I didn't know anything else was going on. I know how much you and your dh were looking forward to this baby and how dissappointed you were when only the one had a heartbeat. This must be devastating. I can only echo what others have said before... Give yourself all the time you need to heal (physically as well as emotionally). My D&C was almost 2 weeks ago and while I don't really feel bad, I don't feel very good yet either.)
I really wish this weren't happening to any of us.
Dale Ann
__________________ Dale Ann
PCOS since mid teens
Dx 04/02/01
PG 07/03, M/C 08/26/03
Now waiting for Annabelle Grace somewhere in China
LID 03/02/06
Thanks everyone. My D&C is scheduled for Wednesday. I'm not very happy right now b/c my RE said he could do it but it wouldn't be until later this week so I said my OB could do it (which I've only been to twice and he's never even examined me before). If I knew he wouldn't have been able to do it until Wednesday, I would have rather liked my RE to do it.
I did absolutely nothing all weekend except lay in bed and cry. Chris told his family yesterday and my MIL called last night to say how sorry she was. She said she had a m/c (which I already knew about) but she wasn't going to tell me everything would be all better or compare hers to mine b/c every one was different. I thought that was nice b/c the last thing I needed to hear from her or anyone else at that point was to get over it b/c they did. I told my mom and didn't realize my brother was there reading over her shoulder. I told her online b/c I just couldn't call and talk. I didn't have a voice all weekend. My voice was almost gone, it sounded like I had gone to a concert and screamed the entire time. She said that she had a m/c (right after she had my brother 36 years ago) @ 9wks and she had to have a D&C.
I have been having horrible dreams like something bad is going to happen during the D&C and I'll never be able to get pg again. I guess if she made it through 30 years ago and had me, I'll be ok. I just don't know what to do now. Everything that I have done has been for this baby and now I have nothing to do. I feel like the world is spinning around me and I'm just watching it go by...
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Married 6 years (1/16/03) to my wonderful husband! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
1 DD (B: 9/06; A: 8/07) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
RE said IVF next To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ....starting IVF Feb/March 2010
Awwww, Tracy......so sorry you are so sad right now. I can tell you that the d&c is a piece of cake...and physically, it is the easiest thing....emotionally, it will hurt more. I was awake for mine, had IV sedation so I felt like I had a couple glasses of wine. My dh was in the room for the whole procedure...it last all of 10 minutes, and within the hour I was home resting on the couch. All I needed for recovery was motrin (and a couple of beers didn't hurt either! )....and I bled for 2 days. I will say that I didn't get af afterwards and I did worry that "Something happened in the d&c"....I needed provera to induce af 3 times...but alas, everything was fine and that's when I found out I had pcos....and many many people I know got pregnant right after their d&c...after all, it is a "dustin' and a Cleanin'!"....they'll get you all cleaned out and ready for your baby!!! Think of it as a fresh start! Seriously though...the d&c is the easy part.....thinking of you....
__________________ Me 38, Dh, 36,
DD, Katie Grace 4/8/03 she's 5 now!!
DS, Samuel Fenway...born 12/22/04, he's 4 now!
With Katie, tested ++++at 12dpo
13dpo: 428, 16dpo:1,903!!!
Born on April 8, 2003
8lbs, 6oz, 20 inches long
With Sam,4/12/04 beta= 131 at 8 or 11 dpo, p4 14.4
4/15/04 beta= 1,059 at 11 or 14 dpo
4/28/04=36,850 P4=35.2
Traci,
I am so, so sorry about your m/c, you definitely don't deserve this. To go through everything you've been through in the past month is just too much for one person. I will pray for you on Wed., I hope your d&c goes well, will you be completely sedated? I was, and when I woke up I started crying, not from physical pain, just emotional. I spent an entire weekend watching horrible tv and eating whatever I wanted, and not talking to anyone but my DH. I hope you can find something that brings you even a little comfort, know that we are all here for you any time, and I really pray that you are able to get through this. I am very sorry.
Julie
__________________ Me (29) DH (29)
DD Emma Grace born April 7, 2004
DD Amelia Elisabeth born Dec. 11, 2005
DS Luke Aaron born March 31, 2007
I am so sad to see your news. I did not have a D&C with my m/c but I wanted to let you know I'll keep you in my prayers for Wed.
Like the other ladies said, your pain will get better, but it will take time and you'll never forget these babies. You'll have a lot of feelings go through your mind in the upcoming weeks, don't be afraid to cry and be angry, but most of all, talk to the cysters on this board. Chances are someone here has gone through the same feelings and can help.
To make things even worse and mess w/ my mind, I completely stopped spotting. I am so frusterated and angry right now. I've been spotting for a month and now that I get bad news, I stop spotting. If I didn't go to the dr. on Friday I would have thought everything was normal especially since I'm not spotting now. Why does my body have to be this cruel to me...
Traci
__________________
Married 6 years (1/16/03) to my wonderful husband! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
1 DD (B: 9/06; A: 8/07) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
RE said IVF next To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ....starting IVF Feb/March 2010
The same thing happened to me!!! It was so frustrating! I spotted from day 1...didn't receive much good news from then on it...and one day...no more spotting. I thought it was a ray of hope and I even contemplated not doing the d&c "just in case." My doc gave me a reality check and told me how it can take a whole other month for the baby and tissue to expel and that I could hemorrage (sp?) and all that...oh, that and a heartrate of 55 was just truly not a good sign. So....even though I stopped spotting, it wasn't a good thing. I think you will breathe I sigh of relief after the d&c....then allow yourself time to heal emotionally. This past month has been so draining for you with incredible highs and now some very lows......so the fact that the d&c will be over...at least you can put that in your head.....and move on physically.
__________________ Me 38, Dh, 36,
DD, Katie Grace 4/8/03 she's 5 now!!
DS, Samuel Fenway...born 12/22/04, he's 4 now!
With Katie, tested ++++at 12dpo
13dpo: 428, 16dpo:1,903!!!
Born on April 8, 2003
8lbs, 6oz, 20 inches long
With Sam,4/12/04 beta= 131 at 8 or 11 dpo, p4 14.4
4/15/04 beta= 1,059 at 11 or 14 dpo
4/28/04=36,850 P4=35.2
Why is this happening? 
)....and I bled for 2 days. I will say that I didn't get af afterwards and I did worry that "Something happened in the d&c"....I needed provera to induce af 3 times...but alas, everything was fine and that's when I found out I had pcos....and many many people I know got pregnant right after their d&c...after all, it is a "dustin' and a Cleanin'!"....they'll get you all cleaned out and ready for your baby!!! Think of it as a fresh start! Seriously though...the d&c is the easy part.....thinking of you....
