Other than my mom, nobody in my family has even contacted me to acknowledge my loss. My mom defends everyone saying "they don't know what to say" or "they'll contact you when you feel better". THIS is the time when I need the contact and support, NOT when I feel better! This is the second m/c in 16 months for me and I guess I had hoped that maybe they would have learned a little compassion since the last time, but apparently it was too much to ask for. It seems like everyone wants to be around in the good times, but they disappear in the bad times.
Am I completely wrong to want a little more support?
__________________ Me 43 & DH 41 (my hunky triathlete!)
Mama to 4 angels (1/04, 4/05, 8/05, 9/08) and 1 miracle!
2 half marathons completed; training for my first full!
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I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. You're not wrong to want more support. I found that the only thing I could do is lower my expectations and seek support elsewhere. This board has been amazingly helpful to me. I also go to a support group at the hospital where I lost my son. It is extremely helpful to talk to people who understand.
hugs to you,
Adrianne
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
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Mera ~ I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't think you are wrong in wanting support at all. But like April said since you are not getting it you will have to seek it elsewhere. I found that alot of people don't know what to say so instead of saying the wrong thing they just don't say anything at all. But then that comes across as uncaring also. I am hoping that they just don't want to upset you. Are you close enough to any of them to reach out and call them and maybe go for lunch or coffee to give you an opprtunity to talk and tell them you need some support and that you would like to talk about it.
((((HUGS))))
Sherry
__________________ Me:37 DH:38
Met 2000mg, Avandia 8mg
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Shelby Hope born 5/02/07
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Kailee Grace born 3/18/09
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No hun, you are not wrong to want more support. Even a box of chocolate, a hugs, an "I'm sorry" and a "Here, lemme help with the housework." would be a welcome change from the silence you are experiencing. I'm glad your Mom is there for you, but I also know what it is to feel alone as well. I'm sorry you have to be in this group, but you will find that these women are an exceptional group of supportive ladies.
*huggles*
Angela
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I'm sorry that your family is not supportive (except your mom). After my first loss, NO ONE outside of my immediate family (parents and siblings) contacted me - not one single cousin, aunt or uncle. They always ask my mom how I'm doing and tell her they are going to get in touch with me, but they don't. It's so frustrating and makes me feel so alone. No one in the family has ever had losses but me, so I think they just don't know what to say, but it's too late for anything in my book. I never told any of them about the 2nd and 3rd loss, and if we ever do have a baby,I don't think we'll even send them announcements. If they can't share in my sorrow, then they don't get to share my joy either.
I know that sounds bitter, but my family is very spread out and most of my cousins don't even tell me when they are PG or bother sending holiday cards or birth announcements, so this really isn't going to change stuff that much.
This board has been the best place for me. Another board I've found helpful is www.silentgrief.com . And I'm going to my first in-person support group meeting on May 12th!
I hope that posting here, and sharing with us, is helpful to you. I find the ladies here to more than make up for the support I can't find elsewhere.
__________________ Lean cyster ~ M/c @ 10 wks after seeing heartbeat 8/04, m/c @ about 10 weeks after seeing heartbeat 8-09. 2 chemical PGs lost @ 4.5 wks 1/05 & 3/05. 4/05: Dx w/antiphospholipid antibody syndrome.
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Mera...i'm sitting here a little stunned...i didnt even know you were preg again and i'm certainly saddened by your loss...its pretty amazing that names are getting so familiar to me and i've never even met you before
Sighhhhhhhhhh....its just so hard to be forgiving right now...isnt it?? Sure your family doesnt know what to say and dont know how to react but then again...its not about them is it? You need them and they need to know it...you have to get support wherever you can...a phone call is so easy...maybe your mom could sort of spread the word that you're feeling ready to talk about things...and i'm sure she's fielding alot of questions on your behalf...people want to know they just dont want to upset you...
many many hugs are coming your way...take care....
I'm not really getting any support from my family. Actually, I've had more support from my coworkers, including flowers and cards, than any of my family have offered. My mom's side of the family all live near but none of my blood relatives on that side have ever had a m/c (that they've mentioned) so I'm not sure they know what to say. I'm seeking support elsewhere, mainly through this board and FF.
__________________ Sherri - 32 & Eric - 33 DD - 5/24/05 - born in my heart!
DS - 6/1/07 - our little miracle!
Mera ... hugs to you!!!! I can only reiterate what the others have said -- you deserve the support, and if it's not coming from your family, you need to get it somewhere. I am completely leaning on my few friends who knew have been incredibly supportive -- they've taken the place of my family, who haven't been there for me through either m/c (except my brother & his wife). I'm so sorry that there are so many of us who know that "extra" pain -- but know that we are all here for you ....
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Kadie (age 32), married since 7-24-99
Chem PG - Oct 03, M/C - June 04, M/C - March 05, One Amazing Son (Wyatt 2-2-07), M/C - March 08, and One Amazing Daughter (Amelia 3-11-09)
Mera {{{{HUGS}}}} My 2nd m/c was the only pg'cy that our families knew about. I only got support from my MIL & my mom. After that and the horrible reaction we had from everyone we decided not to tell anyone when I got pg again until at least 13 weeks. I had much more support from my online friends than I did from IRL family/friends which I am so grateful for my online friends
I so sorry for your 2nd loss {{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci
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Other than my mom, nobody in my family has even contacted me to acknowledge my loss. My mom defends everyone saying "they don't know what to say" or "they'll contact you when you feel better". THIS is the time when I need the contact and support, NOT when I feel better! This is the second m/c in 16 months for me and I guess I had hoped that maybe they would have learned a little compassion since the last time, but apparently it was too much to ask for. It seems like everyone wants to be around in the good times, but they disappear in the bad times.
Am I completely wrong to want a little more support?
You know, with my loss, I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to be alone.........
Everyone grieves so differently, sometimes it's hard to know the "right" thing to do. I think everyone bases their reactions on how they would feel, and what they would want....
((((HUGS))))
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Dropping out of TTC... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. good vibes to you girls!
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((HUGS)). I'm sorry. We all know how it feels to have people pull away when you need them the most. Hold tight to DH and your mom. We're here to support you in any way we can.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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Mera, how are you holding up today hun? Haven't seen anything on the boards from you and just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers your way.
Angela
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Why no family support? 
