Why is it so hard (long post)

Sweetie5112001 · 10-12-2006, 12:05 PM

for me to make myself go back to work. It's been a month since I had my breakdown at work and I have been on antidepressants for almost a month. I have only worked ONE day since this had happened. I keep making up excuses not to go. It is putting a big time strain on my family as DH has been out of work for over a year now(he is somewhat disabled). Our rent is 2monthes behind but fortunatly our landlord is pretty understanding. But our bills just keep piling up and I know that I HAVE to go back because if I dont we wont have anything. It almost makes me sick thinking about going to work. I know that this is not normal. I have been at this job for over 4 years so why do I feel this way now? I know DH is stressed because he started smoking again after having quit over 3 years ago. I know he gets upset with me for not going to work. I know he would work if he could. Like I said earlier this is causing a major strain between my dh and I and also on my family. My kids mean the world to me so why am I having such a hard time doing this. I feel like they would be better off without me(and I have thought about it)but I could never go thru with it. I am hurting my family by being this way. I just want/need some answers - if anyone else has had this problem how did you overcome it? Help - typing this thru tears.

Amy

10-12-2006, 10:30 PM

I know how you are feeling.... I am going back to work next month having been off nearly 6 months. I am not really ready to go back but money issues are forcing me to so I don't have a choice right now... behind with the rent and the regular bills let alone the credit companies...

Of course you have had less time off than me so it must be worse. I have managed to sort out some problems during my time off and I am stronger than what I was in June when I took ill and hit my lowest point....

Must be harder for you... just an idea but it is not possible to get some work from home to tie you over till your stronger enough to go back to your regular job?

Kierian · 10-13-2006, 03:56 PM

I've been there too, a while back. It is hard, and I don't mean to be to cliche, but don't worry too much.

What happened to my family was my hubby was laid off for a year, then "let go" due to downsizing about the same time I had to be off work for 8weeks, if i recall correctly. I was in a knee-immoblizer. (kind of a cast from my ankle to my hip) (which is different than what your situation is, but it accellerates) I couldn't do ANYTHING (including use the toilet) on my own. I was basically incapasitated and I got really depressed. There was a lot of OMG...my husband doesn't have a job, i can't work, how will we live? Just breathe... I felt like all I was doing was yelling and arguing (my step-son lives with us too. He's 8 now (was 2 at the time) and he's autistic). I had no patience, and I could just imagine how everyone, especially my son, felt with me just yelling all the time. I thought they'd be better off without me too. I hung in there as best I could. One day, I just got tired of it. something had to change. My hubby and I decided we would do something fun if it killed us. Having no money, all we could do was go to the park. We had a blast though. All I could do was watch them play, but I still had a good time. It was good to get out of the house and escape for a while. We rediscovered our family bond and were all stronger for each other because of it.

When I went back to work it was hard because it hurt physically (which I know is different than your problem) But what will probably be the same is the people that I worked with. They were all willing to help. It was hard to accept their sincerity sometimes, but eventually I realized They did just want to help me. I'm grateful to them.

The first 2 weeks were the hardest when I went back to work. They hold our pay, so it was like working for nothing. It was the hardest thing to do to get up and go. I just kept thinking it'll get better. It took a while, but once the checks started comming in and I was paying my electric bill and others again I started to feel a little better and more accomplished. I was really stressed out about a lot of things--i still am... but I try to come up with better ways to deal with things. We are still in debt up to our eyeballs, but that's just how it is. We pay a little at a time. I try to look at the "now" more when it comes to bills and the like. If I have to make less then the minimum payment, I do. Its better than nothing. I've called a few of my utilities, and they're willing to work with me, at least. Some of them, anyhow. We had to cutback on things. like we ditched the cable (which was probably the best thing we could do). for a while all we were eating was ramen noodles and canned fruits and veggies. It got better though.

We tried to get foodstamps and a medical card for our son, but believe it or not they denided it. You could try that. They have state programs that help with utilities too. There is nothing wrong with seeking help so you can get back on your feet.

My advise is to take a break. Make it a point to do something fun outside the house. Like go to a park or walk around at the mall. You could go on a picnic or something. Just get out for a while and take a break. Give your head a break. Have confidence that when you do go back to work people will understand. Things will be ok, and your situation will improve. Just take it a little by little. Try to enjoy life more. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, but you DO control the ways you respond to them.

Try to take it easy and good luck