Wife with PCOS - 3 month old baby having nipple confusion

JustAGuy · 12-22-2008, 05:32 PM

Here's the situation - bulleted below

My wife has PCOS
We have a 3 month old baby boy
He does not have a good suck
She does not generate a lot of breast milk (based on the baby's need for formula to supplment and the amount of milk she is able to pump)
Based on advice from our lactation consultant, we started with finger feeding formula to him in week 2 because he had lost so much weight
We introduced a bottle in week 5 or 6 for the same reason, he was not putting on a lot of weight
After 12 weeks, he is 6th percentile in weight adn 60th percentile in height
The baby now has nipple confusion and when it cranky/hungry/unhappy, he rejected her nipple
The only way to calm him is with the bottle to placate his hunger

This is really affecting my wife

Since she isn't generating enough milk, she feels like she can't support her child
Now that the baby has nipple preference and is taking the bottle more, she cries
She now beats herself up over our decision to use the bottle even though the baby wasn't getting any breast milk was was losing weight

The bottom line is I'm watching my wife and there isn't anything I can do to help her. I can't fix anything this time, all I can do is listen to her, support her, etc. I wish I could do more, but really is all on her. Is there anything I'm missing? Is there anything else I can do?

dillydaydreams · 12-22-2008, 09:52 PM

Hi,
Congrats on the new arrival.
Like your wife I wanted to breast feed, but it was taken out of my hands.
My baby was I.U.G.R. ie stopped growing in the womb so basically had to be delivered early and I had c section, my body went into shock so was unable to feed baby right away so he had to have a bottle. I tried so hard to breast feed, used pumps, but like your wife my baby never slept no matter how much I fed him myself.
At 7 weeks I became very ill with severe migraine, and I tried so hard to keep up feeding him myself but mother nature said no and eventually my milk supply went, so basically what I'm saying is breast feeding is a great start, but sometimes your body reacts and there is nothing she can do about it.
It is ok to give baby formula, as long as baby is happy and healthy.
Tell Mom if she is sad baby will be sad.
Baby decides in the end what they want.
She is trying very hard by the sound of it, it is time to enjoy been a mom, and realise ye are great parents and very lucky.
Best wishes

HarleyGirl93 · 12-22-2008, 11:32 PM

Justa - Congratulations on the new baby! I don't really know what to tell you for supporting your wife in this BFing challenge. BFing is a very personal decision that we make, that in many cases, we feel defines us as a woman and provide proof that we are "good" mommies... It's like we think you get a "good mommy award" if we BF, or attachment parent, or whatever. If we have trouble BFing, then we assume it means we are bad mommies or inadequate as women. Nothing could be further from the truth. BFing is not necessarily "natural" or easy to get the hang of. Women have trouble producing enough milk (especially with PCOS and all the hormonal issues we have) and babies have issue with the suck mechanism, not all breasts are made to BF (or at least mine aren't)! Add in the fact that getting milk from a bottle is SO MUCH EASIER (from the baby's POV), and well frankly babies just want to get fed, they are not attributing any emotions to wanting to eat in the easiest fashion possible. Your baby preferring bottle over breast is no reflection on how much your wife LOVES her baby, nor does it reflect how much your baby will grow attached to you both and love you as only a baby can. My own son started refusing the boob when he figured out the bottle was just so much easier (plus at Daycare, that's all he got all day long and there is no way pumping at work is going to replicate what a baby can get out, so we just had the slow-down in production that led to the eventual demise of BFing). It almost becomes a function of just accepting that BFing is not going to work in your particular situation. It might be hard at first to accept that you need to give it up, but when you look back on it and you have such less stress and can start enjoying the bonding moments with your new baby, you will be grateful it happened that way. (or at least that is how I felt) And truly, thank goodness, we have access to formula to feed infants when BFing doesn't work out. As long as baby grows healthy and strong, bonding can occur both through the bottle or the breast. Just take the time with your baby to cuddle and interact and that's all your baby really needs!

Hugs to you both as you travel through the travails of new parenthood! Dianna

mamagato · 01-07-2009, 03:27 PM

Orthodontic nipples help with nipple confusion, also the infant may have a restricted frenulum. THe shape of the orthodonitc niplle mimics the shape of the mother's nipple while nursing. I breastfed my daughter and my son for a year. He had a poor ability to suckle, we used bottles with orthodonitc nipples at first, but he did poorly at both.
He had lost weight and the doc determined that he was tongue tied. We went to an oral surgeon who performed a frenectomy, which afterwards, he was able to nurse fine. There is no failure in not being able to nurse, some people can, some can't.
Kudos to your wife for trying. Good Luck!

mamabeck · 01-10-2009, 11:16 AM

Recently, Dh and I have been through the same thing. Our little guy was delivered at 36 weeks, had breathing problems (NICU for 24 hours) and I simply couldn't produce enough/caloric enough milk to feed him. We went down the struggle of finger feeding and supplementing via SNS before going to the bottle. We finally decided, together, that baby's health was more important than my pride over breastfeeding him or not.

He is now 4 months old and in the 75th percentile for growth, solely bottle fed, and although I do miss that nursing time with him, we snuggle up often, and it's a blessing to my dh to also have the chance to feed him in that close way. He still will snuggle up as if he's nursing, to fall asleep, it's a very comforting position to him, I suppose.

It IS okay to not nurse. And he will be okay. Support your wife, love her, and continue to do what you can to care for your little guy!
Blessings!