I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not a whole woman, it makes me so depressed. I'm 22 and have had some form of pcos symptoms since the beginning of puberty. I've never known what it's like to be self assured and to just been able to relax and feel comfortable in my own skin. It's been frustrating watching my two close friends grow into beautiful, confident women over the years and I feel like I got left behind. I can't break free of the acne which became severe about three years ago. It has really had an effect on me psychologically to the point where I feel worthless and sooo ugly. There's such a stigma of being "unclean" attached to it. I once went into a sephora store to find a makeup that would cover my scars and the sales associate says to me, "So, do you cleanse your skin?" ... NOPE! Maybe I should try that once in a while. WTF! Of course I do! I realize that she was attempting to sell me a cleanser but COME ON! She could have used a better choice of words. One of my friends just got married. I honestly can't see that ever happening to me. I can take BCP and it goes away for the most part (always have at least a couple small ones at best), but if I stop, I turn into a monster again. I mean almost no clear skin showing through. Just an absolute mess. I have fair skin and every zit I get leaves a bright reddish purple scar. So you can imagine what's left even after it has pretty much cleared up again. After all of that I don't even want to go in to the hair situation, but I'm sure a lot of you ladies know what I mean. I just want to feel like a normal and complete woman for once in my life Does anybody else feel this way? That's kind of a silly question. Anyway, I feel slightly better after writing this...ahhh...deep breath.....ok, I'm going to try and think better thoughts for the rest of the day. Some days are just worse than others, you know?
I know what you mean. I have really bad acne on my shoulders and my back. Some on my face but the really bad parts are on my back and shoulders. I took BCP to keep it under wraps. When I got pg it came back. Not just in the 1st trimester, but the whole time. I just delivered my son who was a stillborn and I still have it. I'm waiting to see if I lose the weight if the acne goes away too. I'm sorry I have no advice for you on the hair problem. I keep reading that if women with PCOS lose weight, they can reverse the effects. So that's what I'm trying to do. I don't have much to lose (20lbs) so if that doesn't work, I'm screwed. Please don't beat youself up. If the BCP work for you and your not trying o get pg, maybe you should stay on them. It's just a thought. I hope you feel better and your day gets brighter.
Laura
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Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. That absolutely breaks my heart. Thank you for responding. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in my feelings. I will definitely stay on the birth control to try to prevent more scars from forming. I too only need to lose about 20 lbs and perhaps that will help me too. I think what I really need is to see an endo and take a closer look at what is really going on with me. I hope things get better with you as well.
Lola22 - Thank you. I hope you lose those 20lbs. I know it's hard but keep at it. The exercise is also good to help reverse the PCOS, not just losing weight. Exercise helps move the sugars around. I wish you the best in life and I'll pray that a husband comes your way! Take care of yourself.
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If it's any consolation, I feel like less of a woman a lot too. For me it really hits me when all our friends and family members are all having kids and my DLH and I just celebrated our 7th and while we've never TTC it would sure be nice if we'd adopt soon. Sometimes I wish I could just wish it all away, go to the bedroom and nine months later have a larger family.
What I have to keep reminding myself is my DLH loves me for me. He didn't fall in love with me because our kids would look cute, he feel in love with who I am, as a WOMAN. It took years for me to get used to this.
Being someone who uses my hubbies shaver just after him used to really bother me. But he understands what I'm dealing with and he doesn't treat me any different. He truly lives up to the in sickness and in health stuff.
You've got to remember when strangers are looking at our cosmetic symptoms they don't know the complexity of our issues. I hated that my mom with her ignorance would scrub my neck telling me I never cleaned myself when really what was happening all along was dark skin from my PCOS and then when she'd scrub it I'd get skin infections because of irritation.
I also hate going to malls because there are so many skinny judgmental people. I see them walk by with their smoothies and cinnabons and think I could never eat that without gaining every ounce of it, and I'm thinking they probably look at me and worry I'll steal their food. Truth of the matter is I don't even like sweets, but being a big gal I know everyone has their stupid stereotypes.
I've found the best thing is to surround myself with understanding people. I know that's hard to do, and it took me many years, including cutting off a good deal of communication with my judgmental mother, but I've found that my stress and blood pressure has gone down with only letting positive people in my life. It's just not worth my health to put up with people like that.
I guess that's why I like pen-pals and message boards so much. I can find the other women out there who deal with the same junk I deal with and we can relate together and make each other feel like we're not all alone.
I feel exactly the same way,people look at me as if I am some kind of freak. I have acne,and am slightly over weight. I used to weigh 110lbs, I was skinny, and I noticed that as the weight packed on my symptoms went from bad to worse. I now weigh 165lbs and would like to be in the 110-120 weight range. I am not beginning to have major aniexty when,I have to think about going outside.
I know how you feel - I am so jealous of girls that can get up in the morning and not have to worry about a 4 step skincare regiment and hair removal! If only they knew how much they take for granted. I know when people look at me they probably think "she doesn't care what she looks like" but if only they knew how much work it takes me just to look somewhat normal! Just thinking about the time I've wasted plucking and waxing makes me sick ...
Will I ever feel like a true woman? 
Does anybody else feel this way? That's kind of a silly question. Anyway, I feel slightly better after writing this...ahhh...deep breath.....ok, I'm going to try and think better thoughts for the rest of the day. Some days are just worse than others, you know?
