Will I ever know for sure if it was my fault or not?
I have been remembering things I did or didn't do and it is hard for me to think that it wasn't my fault. I didn't always take my vitamins, I have a clotting disorder and stopped taking my asprin bc the doc said to and maybe I should have ignored him, I ran a little ways down the street the weekend before he probably died, his cord was maybe a little small at the belly button and an article said that uterine contraxions could kill the baby-maybe my having an orgasm did it. It just seems to me that there are so many things that I did or didn't do that could have killed him. What if it WAS my fault?!
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!
Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.
Oh sweets, I think we all go through this phase after our loss. It's so hard to comprehend that it "just happened." After my m/c I blamed myself left and right... but in the end, I realized that it was just his time to go, and there was nothing I could have done. You are so strong, hang in there. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.
I agree with ssaunders1187. I too have gone through thinking the same things,i think its normal to have these thoughts and feelings.Its not your fault hun. Take care xxx
__________________ Kim - age 28 dx sept 02 DH Jay 39. Married 4th May 02. ttc for 9 years.
m/c November 02. m/c June 2005. m/c November 2006. Ectopic pregnancy October 2007
Meds - Glucophage, provera, reductil.
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I think everyone does this after losing a baby. Often there is nothing that you could have done, but we try so hard to find a reason that we drive ourselves crazy overthinking. Sometimes it truly does "just happen".
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Many hugs and prayers for you.
I remember that time in my life and all of the wondering and my doctor did the best to reassure me that it was nothing that I had done (all 3 losses) I remember thinking that I missed my vitamins and I had a margarita before I found out I was pregnant. But it wasn't any of those things.
Please take some comfort in knowing that this is a part of grieving our babies. You will be in my prayers especilly during this holiday season.
Kath
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
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Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
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, In the beginning,when when we just lost our son, I too felt like I did something wrong and thats why I miscarried. I went over and over things in my head that maybe I should have done differently. But my doc me told there is no reason why these things happen,and I guess I was suppose to accept that?I didnt think so.Every day my heart ached for my baby and wished he was still safe inside me, and now there isnt a day that goes by where I dont think about my son and what could have been.Especially the closer we get to his due date. For me, what helps is knowing that my angel is in heaven and that God loved him so much that he needed my son to be with him. My baby is very blessed because he will never know how it feels to be in pain, suffer, or never hunger for anything.In my womb he was nourished and always had shelter. Now that he is in heaven he is enjoying paradise, a place that we all hope to go one day. I hope that you wont blame yourself anymore and its not your fault. Just take as much time as you need to grieve and it does help to talk about it as much as you can to anyone who will listen. God bless you.
__________________ Monique(27) DH(31) Dx: PCOS-1999, Diabetes II-2005 Aiden James born 6/17/08 1 Angel Baby due to pPROM and Inc. Cervix (7/20/06) 1 Furbaby Brownie the Chihuahua
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You are not alone. I still, to this day wonder the same thing. Was it my fault, and what did I do wrong, etc. It's totally normal to feel this way. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
__________________ Ariel Paris 9/10/04
Conceived on Met 500mg/100mg Clomid!
Metformin 1000mg/day for IR~diag in 2003
Hypothyroidism in 2005. 75mcg Levothroid/day
Spinal fusion back surgery L4-5 on 4/17/06
~Angel Baby 9/27/06~
Aspen Skylar 11/16/07
Conceived on 1000mg Met/50mg Clomid!
Addisyn Sailor 9/19/08
Conceived on Met 1000mg/naturally!
Your loss was NOT your fault. This is a very normal part of grief, but I think it is especially hard for us moms whose babies didn't survive. Our bodies were the vessels that housed and nourished them, and so it seems like it would be our "fault" if it didn't go well. But fault implies intention or at least negligence, and I don't believe you were negligent at all. Think of the women who continue to use crack and deliver babies addicted to it. *sigh*
We're here for you. I have been in that exact frame of mind. But the truth is, your loss is something that happened TO you, not because of you. I'm sorry you're having to go through this!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I too think of something new everyday that could have caused the m/c. Remember that m/c happens because something is not right with the baby. A healthly baby will survive all sorts of conditions - just look at all the unhealthy women you know with babies. I firmly believe my baby decided to wait until my eggs and womb were healthier. My next pregnancy will be the baby I lost. I can feel his presence. Have you read about the spirit babies? M/c babies get to cut in line in front of those waiting to be born. It's a great story.
My dear, I don't believe for a second that it was your fault. It breaks my heart to read that post. I pray that one day you will have peace about this, but in the mean time, know that I feel for you.
__________________
So what? I've had my heart broken lots of times. It stings for a minute.
~Denny Crane~
I wish I could believe Dominici was Rivi all over again, but I can't. What a comforting thing it could be to believe that!
Sheri hit it on the head when she said this is something that happened TO you, not because of you. What you're feeling is totally normal - your mind's trying to make sense out of something that just can't make sense.
Without going into my long story - I just wanted to say - I understand how you are feeling...I too have gone back and forth soooo many times - it is, it isn't my fault....after many prayers, of mine and others for me, I have come to accept the fact - it is not our fault - God had other plans for our babies - they are with Him to live with Him in peace, no pain, happily - forever. We hurt, but our babies will never have to feel that.
My thoughts and prayers are with you - and all of us who have lost....
I recently remembered something that may have saved Rivi, if only I'd remembered it sooner. When I was a baby, I had to have surgery on my vagina. If my cervix was involved AT ALL, that could have been enough to cause my IC. And I forgot all about it - it's not like I remember the experience, KWIM?
Anyway, I thought it would help you to know that, two years into my grieving, I'm still finding ways to blame myself. I think it's normal.
Will I ever know for sure if it was my fault or not? 
, In the beginning,when when we just lost our son, I too felt like I did something wrong and thats why I miscarried. I went over and over things in my head that maybe I should have done differently. But my doc me told there is no reason why these things happen,and I guess I was suppose to accept that?I didnt think so.Every day my heart ached for my baby and wished he was still safe inside me, and now there isnt a day that goes by where I dont think about my son and what could have been.Especially the closer we get to his due date. For me, what helps is knowing that my angel is in heaven and that God loved him so much that he needed my son to be with him. My baby is very blessed because he will never know how it feels to be in pain, suffer, or never hunger for anything.In my womb he was nourished and always had shelter. Now that he is in heaven he is enjoying paradise, a place that we all hope to go one day. I hope that you wont blame yourself anymore and its not your fault. Just take as much time as you need to grieve and it does help to talk about it as much as you can to anyone who will listen. God bless you.
