I am crying over my keyboard as I type this. My ex-fiance and I broke up in April, 6 months before our wedding date. Some of you may remember the threads that I posted about the break up before. I know it takes time to heal a broken heart, but will anything help the pain? It still hurts just as bad as it did when everything happened. And now with Christmas coming up, I'm just a mess. It's my first holiday in 11 years without him. I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on antidepressant medication, Lexapro, as well as prescription sleep aids for insomnia. He does call me periodically, and he wants to get back together. I want him back so bad, but I don't trust him after what he did. I really believe he was on drugs when he stole from me, and now when I talk to him, he sounds like himself again. He cries everytime I talk to him. I am still so in love with this man. I don't know how I can go on without him, or even if I want to, but I don't think taking him back is the answer either. At least not right now. I have another friend who wants to go out with me, but I'm still not ready to move on. It's been 8 months. That's not too long is it? Mackenzie understands what I'm going through, and he's been awesome. He calls and emails to check on me, but doesn't try to push me. He just says he'll be there when I'm ready. I'm just not sure if I'll ever be ready. I want to be with Mark. He's the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The man I was going to have the children I want so desperatly with. And everytime he cries and tell me how much he still wants me and wants to have a family together, it just hurts that much more. How long is this pain going to last? I'm so tired of crying, of sleep less nights unless I take medication to put me to sleep, of being afraid I'm going to be alone forever...I'm just tired.
I'm sorry this got so long. I can't talk about this to anyone else. Mackenzie is the only one who seems to understand. My family's reaction was 'Don't let it bother you. Just don't worry about it.' Easy for them to say. They're not the one that was engaged and planning to marry him. I am still so in love with him. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm fixing to take my ambien and try to get some sleep.
__________________ Sandy-29. Single and actually liking it at the moment.
Mommy to a 70 pound lap dog, my big boxer baby Tyson and a 15 year old blind shih tzu.
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2003.
Medications include Lamictal 100 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, and Trazadone 150 mg for Bipolar Disorder. Starting Femcon Sept '08. Gotta get this big ugly PCOS monster back under control!
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I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time, Daisy. Do you still talk to your ex on a regular basis? It may be a good idea to take some time where you do not have any contact with him at all. Perhaps you could take some time away, just for yourself.
__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
I'll have to agree with oaktree that maybe sometime apart with no contact maybe helpful in letting you make the right decision...
Also if you want to both be back together so badly, I suggest going to a marriage counsellor first to help work out things... Counselling isn't that bad, I'm going through some myself and it is helping, my downer days are getting farther and farther appart and I'm seeing the light again...
good luck to you ((((((((((((daisy)))))))))))
__________________ Me: 34 H: 34
DD: Rachel - Born March 6th, 2007
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Thanks for the support, ladies. I don't talk to him regularly. I've kept my phone turned off for the past week. I've been really sick and just didn't feel like talking to anybody. He did leave a voice mail message wishing me a happy birthday and saying he was sorry we couldn't spend it together. I thought a break from him might be a good idea too, but I still think about him all the time. I haven't been able to bring myself to take our pictures down and I still have my engagement ring. My parents said I should get rid of it, but I told my mom that won't make me feel any better. I don't wear it, although I do slide it on sometimes. I've got to go back to work Saturday, so I'll have to suck it up and pretend I'm ok when I feel like I'm in this huge hole. I wish someone would go ahead and throw the dirt back in. I'm out for now. I'm going to get back in bed and pull the blankets back up over my head. I'll check in later.
Just wanted to add...All my issues with depression doesn't stem from this. I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager. This just seems to have sent it out of control.
__________________ Sandy-29. Single and actually liking it at the moment.
Mommy to a 70 pound lap dog, my big boxer baby Tyson and a 15 year old blind shih tzu.
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2003.
Medications include Lamictal 100 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, and Trazadone 150 mg for Bipolar Disorder. Starting Femcon Sept '08. Gotta get this big ugly PCOS monster back under control!
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You will get though this, obviously it won't be over night...
Post here as much as you need to, we'll be a shoulder for you if you need it...
Going back to work won't be that bad... Hopefully you'll be so focused on it that you won't have time to think of any thing else, it does help to keep your mind occupied...
(((((((daisy)))))))
__________________ Me: 34 H: 34
DD: Rachel - Born March 6th, 2007
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Thanks. I know going back to work will be a good thing. I'm a nurse, so I have to be on my toes. The patients keep me distracted so I don't have much time to think about anything else. I've missed several days lately. I was on vacation this week, but I've called out more times in the past two weeks than I have the whole two years I've been there. It wasn't related to this, though. I've been sick and just can't quite seem to shake it. When I went to the doctor, I had a sinus infection, ear infection, and bronchitis, and my dad has had pneumonia, so it's always one thing after another. Thanks for the support. It really means a lot to know I have somewhere to turn when the people here don't understand.
__________________ Sandy-29. Single and actually liking it at the moment.
Mommy to a 70 pound lap dog, my big boxer baby Tyson and a 15 year old blind shih tzu.
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2003.
Medications include Lamictal 100 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, and Trazadone 150 mg for Bipolar Disorder. Starting Femcon Sept '08. Gotta get this big ugly PCOS monster back under control!
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*hugs* i haven't been following your previous threads, so i don't really know the situation background but i just wanted to let you know that i am here for you. last year i got out of a three year engagement; long story, it ended VERY traumatically. i was very much in love and he really broke my heart. it took me nearly a year to get over him and we were only together for three years; you have eleven years of history with your former fiance. that's a long time. it's going to take time for you to heal and get over the pain. be patient with yourself.
i think that taking a break from him is a good idea; i made the mistake of keeping some of my ex's stuff around and talking to him and flirting with the idea of getting back together- it only prolonged the agony. i know it is hard to "put away" your feelings, but self-preservation needs to come first. pack up his pictures, try to minimize your contact with him. getting back to work is good- i'm also a nurse and i know that working 12 hour shifts kept me too busy and tired to brood over him.
it's hard when your family and friends don't understand. i was lucky to have a few good friends to lean on and a wonderful therapist. i also tried to take a lot of "me" time to really figure out myself and what i wanted. do things that make you feel good and secure right now. *hugs* and we're here for you whenever you feel low and want to vent.
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__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
Sandy,
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry to hear you are still hurting. (sorry I've not been around much too, we'll talk about why one day)
Baby girl, find you a counselor or someone to talk to. You need someone to help sort this out. Ask Mark to go with you so you can work out your trust issues. If he says no, then I think you have answer right there. But even if he doesn't go, go for you. I've been going for a few months now (DH in tow) and it's been wonderful.
I love you hon.
Julie
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I missed you, Julie! I did manage to drag myself out of bed around noon today, after my dad came in and asked if I was getting up or if I was just going to sleep all day. We went to Wally World in an attempt to shop, but it was an ordeal for both of us and we're completely wiped out now. I think I'll try to snag a nap before I have to go shopping again this evening. I've got a family Christmas party Sunday and I haven't bought the first Christmas present yet! Leave it up to me to put it off till the last minute. And we're having a party at my house Monday for the ladies my mom works with, and I have to work Saturday and Sunday night. So, the way I figure it, I'll be able to sleep again around Tuesday. LOL. I have to redecorate the bottom half of our Christmas tree before Monday, and fix the hole in the middle of it where we continuously pull my kitten out. Ok. I think I'm going wrap my blankets around my head and turn my Seinfeld DVDs back on. It's the only thing, besides my kitty in the tree, that keeps me entertained. I'll check in later.
PS...Julie, I love you too!
__________________ Sandy-29. Single and actually liking it at the moment.
Mommy to a 70 pound lap dog, my big boxer baby Tyson and a 15 year old blind shih tzu.
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2003.
Medications include Lamictal 100 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, and Trazadone 150 mg for Bipolar Disorder. Starting Femcon Sept '08. Gotta get this big ugly PCOS monster back under control!
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I'm relatively new here, so I haven't been following the pertinent threads either, I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry that you're hurting so now ((((hugs))))
Similar to Isenephthys, my last, longest (other than my current) relationship was four years or so. It ended badly, with drugs also playing a part in his leaving me. I can't imagine the hurt of dealing with the loss of an 11 year relationship! I would have never, ever have seen the drug thing happening with my ex, but he admitted it to a mutual friend and that is why he left me, so as not to hurt me with that. I understand you at least a little when you say that you don't know if you'd ever be able to trust him again. While I loved this man with all of my heart, that trust is forever broken. Even if I were ever single again it just wouldn't be a possibility.
I agree with the others that suggest taking a bit of a break from all contact. Things are still fresh and you need to focus on you right now and getting yourself back to where you want to be. If things are meant to be he can and will give you the opportunity to do that. Every time you talk to him before you are ready it's like opening a wound and that's not conducive to healing, as you well know as a nurse. Give that wound a chance to heal first and then figuring out what you really want will probably be a lot easier. I know this from plenty of experience of many breakups where I have managed to stay close friends with my exs.
((((hugs)))) Please take care of you! I know it's hard and that you miss him, but the future will take care of itself. Many religions/belief systems have sayings about this and I don't think they could all possibly be wrong. Plus I've seen it in my own life. Boy it's hard to live through at the time though
(((((big hugs)))))
Dana
__________________ Me (33)/Michael (3o) Together for almost nine long, happy years!
First PCOS dx: 1989 Supplements: One A Day Weight Smart, B Complex, Biotin, Pantothenic Acid (B5), B12, Saw Palmetto, Vit C, Vit D3, NAC, Alpha Lipoic Acid, Chromium Piconolate, Cinnamon, Magnesium, EPO, Zinc Gluconate, Green Tea Diet: "Modified" Zone plan
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her" -Anon.
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Thanks, Dana.
To give you a little background info...I noticed my bank account wasn't right. I went to the bank and got copies of checks that showed up that I didn't write. He had stolen some blank checks and forged my name on them. I ended the relationship. I had to turn him in to the police to get my money back. I had to fill out a form on the situation and send to the local DA office. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He hasn't gone to court yet. I am still praying that I don't have to go to court myself. My head is telling me one thing, but my heart is telling me something else. My head is telling me that I shouldn't be feeling this bad because I am the one that walked away, but my heart is still shattered.
(((HUGS))) to everybody!
__________________ Sandy-29. Single and actually liking it at the moment.
Mommy to a 70 pound lap dog, my big boxer baby Tyson and a 15 year old blind shih tzu.
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2003.
Medications include Lamictal 100 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, and Trazadone 150 mg for Bipolar Disorder. Starting Femcon Sept '08. Gotta get this big ugly PCOS monster back under control!
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sandy, honey, my heart goes out to you! *hugs* my ex got me involved in the legal system and all of it's concomitant stresses... it's hard to separate "head" from "heart," especially in circumstances like you have described.
it is ok to feel bad; you need to feel your grief as part of the healing process and then you can begin to work on you. *hugs* time does heal, even though it doesn't feel like it now. just look at things one day at a time.
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For once I'm just, just... speechless. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that. Heartbreaking isn't even the word You have to have a very kind soul to be able to speak to him and not be bitter and angry. You're 100 times the woman I am honey!!
I'm going to say something I don't want to say, but because I care and I'd hate to see such a kind person even remotely, possibly hurt again I'll say it. Please hon... think about taking a break from contact with him until after the court date. That's all I'll say, just give it until after it's been through the courts. Plus that will give you time to get your head together a bit because if you do reconcile you'd want to make sure to really talk things out well first, and it takes time to make sure you have everything you want to say covered in your head and ready to go. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we can forget things, and these aren't the kinds of things one wants to forget!
I'll be thinking of you hon, we ALL will be. Whether it be this man or another, you will find the man who will love and care for you as you deserve. It just doesn't feel that way sometimes
(((((hugs))))))!
Dana
__________________ Me (33)/Michael (3o) Together for almost nine long, happy years!
First PCOS dx: 1989 Supplements: One A Day Weight Smart, B Complex, Biotin, Pantothenic Acid (B5), B12, Saw Palmetto, Vit C, Vit D3, NAC, Alpha Lipoic Acid, Chromium Piconolate, Cinnamon, Magnesium, EPO, Zinc Gluconate, Green Tea Diet: "Modified" Zone plan
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her" -Anon.
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Will this pain ever go away? 
((((hugs))))
You have to have a very kind soul to be able to speak to him and not be bitter and angry. You're 100 times the woman I am honey!!
