BE PREPARED TO LAUGH!!! IT TAKES A WOMAN TO REALLY GET THIS!
This has to be one of the funniest and most god-awful scenarios I have ever
heard of... Bless this woman!!!
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner;
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of the
medicine cabinet?"
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold
wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your
leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I am
mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other,
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer
and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this phrase
haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight
and pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!!!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward body
hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!
With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I
apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini line, covering the
right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek
(Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....
RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the
strip. S**T!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and
spotted. Do I hear crashing drums?? OK, back to normal. I want to see my
trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much
pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still
perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over the most
sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake .. . . . .. . . Remember, my foot is still
propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my foot
down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the
bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't
let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*
I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them
glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot
water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the
bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man who convinced me I should have a
phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she's waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the
tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try
to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located on bottom, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! I
would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various
solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels
better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax
off!!!
By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major knock and I slip
into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand
reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to remove the
excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and
OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of
my friend, but I really don't care!!
"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she
hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice, to
my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color .
__________________
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 4 furbabies To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I should try that next time DF is feeling amorous and I'm not in the mood---"Sorry honey, my hoo-ha is sealed shut right now. Try again later."
__________________ Me (33), Dan (31), married 5/5/06 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Do you know anyone who lives in Canada, Australia, the UK who would want to be in on a ground floor opportunity? If so, please let me know who they are!
L (27) & J (30) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
11.11.06 we were married; 01.18.08 Evan Connor arrived
"The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I just got this in an email @ work the other day sooooo funny!
__________________ M-28, DH-28- To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 2 Fur babiesRx-Atenenol-only taking half now for tachycardia no more high bp!, Met,prilosec1 a day pre-natal with DHA-4/08-CD-4-9Clomid-150 mgs bust HSG 4/08-Clear-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 4 furbabies To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
That is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I really needed that laugh. I had been sitting here feeling sad about my own hair troubles and then I read that. I feel so much better. Thank you so much for posting that!
That is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I really needed that laugh. I had been sitting here feeling sad about my own hair troubles and then I read that. I feel so much better. Thank you so much for posting that!
Your WELCOME!! *Hugs*
__________________
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 4 furbabies To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
That was soooooooooo funny My face is almost sore from laughing so hard.I've got to copy this and send it to every woman I know. She better leave the rest to the pros!!!!(lol)
__________________ SEEK God FIRST,and EVERYTHING else will fall into place!!!
Matthew 6:33
Chloe M.Murray
Current WT:205 goal 175lbs ,lost 70lbs on Atkins and put 20 bck on due to stress To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Recently Engaged and TTC
Current Meds:Sprinolactone 100,Multivitamin,Just starting Fortamet 500,going up to 2000 a day within a month.
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 4 furbabies To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
A woman's story (joke) lol 
? OK, back to normal. I want to see my 
I should try that next time DF is feeling amorous and I'm not in the mood---"Sorry honey, my hoo-ha is sealed shut right now. Try again later."
That would have been me...if I were witness to such a scenario!! Thanks for the smile at the end of my day!!
My face is almost sore from laughing so hard.I've got to copy this and send it to every woman I know. She better leave the rest to the pros!!!!(lol)
