Just Need To Vent This I Am Scared Rebecca Is The Only Baby We Will Have, We Got To Hold Her And She Looked Like A Perfect Normal Baby, Just Wondering If God Brought Us This Far Cause She Will Be Our Only Child, And Letting Us See Her And Hold Her Was A Great Blessing And Its Just A Feeling I Had And Don't Want To Share It With Dh Or Family, But I Have Always Been Scared I Would Never Have A Baby........
{{{HUGS}}} I think that is a fear that most of us have. I do know that a lady I became friends with on an on-line support group lost her daughter at 22 weeks. The doctors never did find out why even though an autopsy was done on the baby. She later had a beautiful, perfectly healthy little girl that just turned 3 a few weeks ago. She was terrified throughout the pregnancy and we e-mailed every day until Hope was born. It is possible to go on to have a living baby. It's normal to be scared. Give yourself some time to grieve and to heal from losing Rebecca Grace (very pretty name).
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
thank you yes it is a wonderful name and she will always be remebered, i hope they can tell us what happened the whole pregnnancy was hard, bleed evryday had polyp...slimmy discharge, just can't imagine the scared part I had everyday its a new awakening that she is not with us any more...thank you for listening to my vent, i was scared no one would answer it....
Your grief is so fresh, this kind of thought is very common right now. It is only when you can see rays of hope again that you will feel it possible to hold your next child. With proper care, it should be very possible to have a long healthy pregnancy, but right now you just have to process these feelings and get through them however you need to... including sharing here. We have all had terribly morbid thoughts, and virtually everything that seems to be sensible in these early days is just the pain talking. I hope that soon you will see those rays of hope, but don't rush. Just keep feeling and thinking what you need to, and hold DH close.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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we all ask ourselves questions to try and understand what and why. I am pretty sure we will not understand and to cope with that we ask questions to which there is no answer. i hope you can find out the physical why at least so you have something to go from. as far as why you, i wish i could answer that for everyone on this board. i wish you luck in your future baby endeavors, hugs!!
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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(((HUGS))) I think you will have another child. I never got to see my little one that we lost..but I was scared, upset, angry, depressed you name it. Just take as much time as you need. Even though she is not here..your still a mom.
__________________ Cathy 36
Lee 40
Married Feb 12, 1994
HSG Nov 2004
Brandon Aug 8, 2005
I have the same exact fear. I fear 3 things. 1. I will never get pregnant again, 2. If I do it will take another 3 years, amd 3. If I do become pregnant again I will loose the baby again.
Lossing Jalen was the hardest thing ever. I have been threw a lot in my life and I just ask God when is enough enough when do I finally see the rainbow. I have always loved children and always wanted at least one baby two at the most. Not being greedy at all, so I don't understand why it's so hard.
I keep thinking that I couldn't possibly lose another baby, b/c I don't think I could handle it, but I thought that about Eric, too. Plus people on here have lost more than one baby, what makes me special? Physically, there was nothing wrong with me, and if the doctors are right, nothing was wrong with Eric's genes or chromosomes. My doctor said I could try again as soon as I get my period. What probably happened was a freak accident. It probably won't happen again. But what if somethign else happens?
__________________ Molly
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I keep thinking that I couldn't possibly lose another baby, b/c I don't think I could handle it, but I thought that about Eric, too. Plus people on here have lost more than one baby, what makes me special? Physically, there was nothing wrong with me, and if the doctors are right, nothing was wrong with Eric's genes or chromosomes. My doctor said I could try again as soon as I get my period. What probably happened was a freak accident. It probably won't happen again. But what if somethign else happens?
OU
OUR ANGELS DIED A DAY APART, OH SO ERIC IS WITH REBECCA HOW SWEET, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND EVEN THOUGH YOU WAS SO FAR ALONG THEY TOLD YOU U COULD START NEXT MONTH, HOW DID THEY FIND OUT SO FAST WHHAT WAS WRONG WE HAVENT HEARD ANYTHING YET, I HOPE ITS SOON WHEN WE HERE SOMETHING.....
I keep thinking that I couldn't possibly lose another baby, b/c I don't think I could handle it, but I thought that about Eric, too. Plus people on here have lost more than one baby, what makes me special? Physically, there was nothing wrong with me, and if the doctors are right, nothing was wrong with Eric's genes or chromosomes. My doctor said I could try again as soon as I get my period. What probably happened was a freak accident. It probably won't happen again. But what if somethign else happens?
But, what if nothing happens, and you deliver a perfectly healthy full term baby? Of course we all worry, but, my advice is to follow your heart. Personally, I hate the what-ifs. they drive me crazy. I think about how much I want to be a Mommy and that keeps me going. (read my quote in my signature)
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
Check my album for current pictures
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
But, what if nothing happens, and you deliver a perfectly healthy full term baby? Of course we all worry, but, my advice is to follow your heart. Personally, I hate the what-ifs. they drive me crazy. I think about how much I want to be a Mommy and that keeps me go
ing. (read my quote in my signature)
THANK YOU ITS JUST SO HARD TO THINK THIS IS THE WAY LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE, I AM SORRY YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS SO MANY TIMES....
Angelbear- I found out what was wrong with him b/c I was spotting, so they sent me to the hospital. I was leaking fluid, and they did an u/s to see how the baby was doing. They noticed that all his organs were on the outside, and that an "amniotic band" was attached to his brain. That's how they found out. You could actually see it on the screen. They might not know what happened to Rebecca b/c it wasn't so obvious. I'm not sure what happened with you, but hopefully after they do tests, they'll figure it out. They have to check everything with Eric's genes, and after that, then we can try, as long as we feel up to it. My Dr. gave me the okay, b/c I'm physically capable. I hope thy find out what happened with you, so you have some answers. I'll be thinking about you.
Phoenix Rising- Actually, even before I lost him, I saw your signature, and it always touched me. I feel the exact same way. I'm only allowing myself to talk about the bad parts of Eri'cs short life with you guys, my DH, and my shrink. I know it's okay to talk about it, but I don't want to taint my good memories of him with other people. I want to be able to remember him in good ways too, and talk about the good things I got from him with most people. If I need support, I'll write in here, talk to my DH, or wait til my weekly visits with my shrink. I like being able to think happy thoughts about him, and say things about him that make people smile. Do I make sense?
__________________ Molly
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I have the same exact fear. I fear 3 things. 1. I will never get pregnant again, 2. If I do it will take another 3 years, amd 3. If I do become pregnant again I will loose the baby again.
Lossing Jalen was the hardest thing ever. I have been threw a lot in my life and I just ask God when is enough enough when do I finally see the rainbow. I have always loved children and always wanted at least one baby two at the most. Not being greedy at all, so I don't understand why it's so hard.
i don't know i wish i knew and then maybe we think about it to much, just go on with life and maybe it will happen...but all i here from family is oh now you know you can make ababy now you know, so nextb time it will be just think all the fun you will have trying, oh i could scream no one understands in less you have been there oh there will be another, my sister n law said i said no thats not it i wanted rebecca.....
All I ever wanted to do was be a mother. I was pretty young with my first loss. I thought they died because I didn't take good enough care of myself. I thought it was because I didn't know I was pregnant until too late. Then when the years passed and Matthew and I decided to TTC we thought it would be pretty easy. We knew I needed a little help because of my PCOS, but we had every confidence it would happen right away for us. 6 early m/c later I felt like there was no hope. I cried almost daily. Everything on TV seemed to remind me of what I couldn't have, what I lost, when so many other people had babies they didn't want or need. All I could see at the store was young mothers with their babies. All I seemed to hear on the news was some mother killing her baby or child. I even wondered if God was punishing me for something. I even thought perhaps I was being punished for the babies I lost first. I wasn't married to Matthew yet and I was in college. Perhaps with them I lost my only real chance to have a child. I wouldn't find out until my pregnancy with my son, Jamie, what happened to my twins (IC). I even used to torture myself by browsing through the baby sections looking at the stuff I wished I could buy. Sometimes I even bought things for the future. Then I'd hold my purchases at home some nights and cry that nobody was ever going to use them.
I almost lost Jamie. When I think about how close I cringe. But he's here. He safe and sleeping in the next room. My body may be broken and incompatable with bringing life into this world, but he's here. He hugs his kangaroo I bought him almost 3 years before he was conceived. It was our first purchase for our future baby. I used to cry over my lost babies on that kangaroo. That kangaroo has been there for so much heartache, but now he's here for all the joy. It's funny how he's become one of Jamie's favorite toys, almost like he knows how special he is.
Okay, I talk way too much. I don't know if my story brings you any hope or comfort, but I hope it does.
Wondering 
