We've been privately matched up with a young girl who is 9 months pregnant and due at the end of this month. Everything seems to be going well and she's signed the papers and we're just waiting for the birth. She met with the social worker the other day and the social worker just called me. She said that Jennifer (the birthmom) has a couple of concerns about us. She is concerned that we're "too good" and will have too high of expectations for the baby. Let me explain. DH and I would definately be labelled conservative. I work full time in my church and we do intend to bring up baby in the church. She's concerned that we might force it on the baby, I guess. What she doesnt know is that we are not perfect at all. Like everyone else, Ive had a past. I am nowhere near perfect, but I think when youre trying to adopt, you try to put your best face forward to look best. Jennifer has alot of problems and has even been homeless. Shes only 18 and has been on her own for awhile. When we met her a couple weeks ago she was sleeping on this lady's living room floor because she had nowhere else to go. Dh and I found her an apartment, paid her deposit and first months rent, gave her a TV and a microwave, and bought her a cell phone (to be used and billed to her name). These things weve done as living assistance along with the adoption proceedings.
Im just worried something will go wrong. Im meeting with her today and Im going to talk to her then. I know she has concerns and I do too. I think the best thing is for us to be open and to get to know eachother better. I can understand her fear of us being too Goody goody but I think she feels that way because she doesnt really know us.
Any advice? Ive been on pins and needles for the past two weeks. All the papers are signed and everything is still a go but Ive been through so much disappointment over the past 5 years, Im afraid something will go wrong. Dh busted me for smoking the other day (I quit years ago, but Im stressed!) Funny, that made me think of Jennifer- she would never think I would smoke, Im sure!
Wish us luck!
__________________ ttc for 7+ years, clomid resistant
thinner cyster 5'2, 115
-Failed with Injectables, 2000, 2002
-Failed gnRH pump attempt
-Insmed study participant
-Laparoscopy, drilling May '03
- Failed injectable cyccle Sept 2003
-Oct '03 1200 mg D Chiro Inositol, 500-1000 mg metformin
-Finally cycling monthly on my own but no ovulation
-Adopted daughter, Arianna 2 1/2 years old
Wow, that's amazing... all of us are so worried about being "good enough" and here she is thinking you are "too good!" I hope your talk goes well. I think that, if you show her the real you she'll see that you're a real person with faults of your own and not some June Cleaver. I am praying that all goes well and that she does not back out of this. I think that if she does back out it probably has nothing to do with how "good" she thinks you are... she would probably find any excuse and it has more to do with her own issues -- trying to come to terms with giving up her own baby which must be very hard for her I'm sure. Just try to show her that you will be a good mom and keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't change her mind. Good luck and keep us posted!
__________________ me (38) DH (40)
Prenatals, BA, synthroid
3 m/c's - 11/5/02, 2/28/03 (Henry), 12/17/03
Liam born 2/28/05 - our pride and joy!
BFing and ttc #2
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Kittycat,
I don't know if you remember me or not we were CB a month or so ago. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I'll keep you and DH in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope that last night your fears were calmed some.
I hope that both of you can sit down and REALLY talk to one another.
Let her see you as human, but I wouldn't share anything that you think might make her think you weren't good enough.
I'm sure that you are going to make a terrific mom. I didn't know you were adopting (I avoided this board for a little while when I was going through my own adoption issues), but I do find your other responses caring and insightful.
Im dying to know what happened
i pray everything is good let us know!!!!!
andrea
__________________ I'M 28~DH 34~DD 6
^THEY ARE THE TWO BEST THINGS IN MY LIFE^
DS Angel Baby Matthew 7/4/94
We lost our DS due to placental abruption at 38 weeks pregnant!!
DX Sept.2001
Started Met. on Nov. 4th
(if I could only not skip days!)
Yasmin
Hi Kittycat. I wish you the best in your adoption. In regards to her comments on the church - I think it's wonderful and that it's not forcing your child if they become a part of the church from day one- they don't know any different and it's just a natural part of their life to be involved kinda the same way children of Dr.'s become Dr.'s, children of teachers become teachers - I think you get my drift.
Worried 
