Is it wrong of me?

keishpeish · 10-27-2003, 06:54 AM

Well, not for nothing it seems like everyone around me is either just had a baby, having a baby or nwly pregnant.

But I am more concerned with adopting my little angle.
is that wrong? not that i will not go back eventually and do another cycle again but buliding my family through biological means is no longer so important to me any more.

i even look at pregnant people differently now. i use to die inside to be in that group but now... i cant wait to bring my forever-baby home. i would like to know the experience of pregnancy,birth,etc.
and it would be neet to see what a biological child turns out to look like etc. but that is not all that goes in to being a mom
and i wish that the select few this is written about who are fourtnate enough to concive would get that point. Especially now that it looks like our first child would be adopted i am so tired of some people trying to make me feel like im setteling for second best if they only knew how precious all life is.

well thanks for letting me vent. keishpeish

ScrapbookChick · 10-27-2003, 08:53 AM

HUGS to you! Of course it's not wrong to feel this way. Shame on anyone trying to tell you that adoption is "second best"!

I think many mommies through adoption share what you're feeling. I know I'm still coming to the realization that I can't imagine giving birth to become a parent. It just doesn't compute. And the way I did isn't any less valid, it's just different.

Best wishes for your adoption process and may you hold your forever baby soon!

dna · 10-27-2003, 10:02 AM

Yeah that ^

I think as adopting/adoptive parents we soon let go the fantasy of being Pg and replace it with thoughts of being parents to this soul we have never met but that will enrich our lives like nothing else.

I too look at pregnant people differently now...I don't mind and sometimes one of them will give you that 'secret smile' when you are pushing around your baby like 'you know' ' you have been here too' its strange

Take care,
and don't worry you are "normal" ! LOL
Amy

~Lisa~ · 10-28-2003, 01:39 AM

Nothing is wrong w/ you one little bit hun ((Hugs)) You are normal....And yes shame on anyone that thinks adoption is second best. I get aggrivated when people say to me, "you'll get pregnant now" Like that matters. yes it would be wonderful but adoption isn't a fertility cure and it isn't something you do so you will get pregnant. My mother adopted my brother and 10 years later (not suppose to have children) got pregnant w/ me on just a quarter of a ovary and let me tell you my mama didn't treat either one of her children differently! She loved us both equally and the same. She is our mama and that's that.
I don't look at pregnant people the same anymore either.
God bless you sweetie!!! ((HUGS))

cbeldner · 10-28-2003, 11:41 AM

I think what you feeling is completely normal. The adoption process really opened my eyes to a lot things. Of course it opens your eyes to what "family" really is and what having children is all about. Also in our case we are caucasion and we adopted a bi-racial child (AA & C). So racially our eyes were opened in that way as well. You will never be the same again.

But, now I have another perspective because I'm surprisingly pregnant.

Just yesterday a friend was telling me how happy she was for me that I got to experience pregnancy and birthing a child. I explained to her that although I'm thankful for both of my children I honestly prefered the adoption journey. The adoption journey was a much more spiritual journey whereas this pregnancy has been a physical/medical journey. And with the adoption my husband and I went through everything together. We could share our feelings and we could relate to each other. With the pregnancy, my experience is very different than my husbands. So in a way it has divided us. I can not relate to him and he can not relate to me. So now I really view pregnancies much differently than adoptions. But, I also can relate to more of what our son's birthmother went through physically, etc. Either way, the result is bringing families together. Just the other day I looked at my son and I saw my husband. He is a mini version of my husband in everyway. So even the biological question of "what our bio children would look like" is overrated.

This is only the start of your journey and I'm so excited for what is ahead of you

keishpeish · 10-28-2003, 02:14 PM

((((((((( thanks )))))))))))
you guys have become a second family. thanks so much for all of your support.

spookycyster · 10-28-2003, 03:24 PM

hello,

I just wanted to say that you are not alone in your thoughts. I feel the same way. I feel like the weight of the world that I was carrying on my shoulders for so long was lifted when we decided to pursue our family thru adoption. Sure, it was a self imposed weight because I couldn't get pregnant, but it was heavy none the less. Now, I feel so much better with our decision to end formal tx for now and am looking forward to finding our forever baby.

Best of luck to you!

dms · 10-28-2003, 06:58 PM

Hi,

I feel the same way! Once we started the adoption process, all of my fertility pains went away. It was like a great weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I was more interested in being a mom than I was in being pregnant and my dream came true.

I love my daughter more than anything!

By the way, you look so happy in your picture. I love it!

Dawn

keishpeish · 10-28-2003, 07:13 PM

thanks DMS thats dh's favorite photo

LacyM · 10-29-2003, 05:20 PM

I have read this post a few times thinking that I should reply. I keep putting it off since all of the other ladies are saying pretty much how I feel. I can't speak as and adoptive mother yet since we are fostering right now. But since finding out today we may be adopting our 3 foster children my feelings about adoption have not changed they have just gotten stronger.

As I stood at the table this afternoon watching my 4 yr DFS roll out my grandma's homemade noodle dough, covered from head to toe in flour and wearing the soldier costume she so lovingly made him for Halloween... I realized I was standing there watching love in action. At that moment it didn't matter to me or my grandma how this precious child came to our family. We just knew we loved him and he was meant to be here.

This was important to me because my grandma was one of the people who in the beginning did not support our decision to stop fertility treatment and adopt. She never said hurtful things to me. But she did wonder if she could love theses kids like she loves her other great grand children. Let me tell you there is no difference. She is here staying up all night to help me make elaborate birthday cakes and decorate for parties, to wrap presents and to sew Halloween costumes that would have been easier to buy. She loves these children as her own. She is as happy as we are. She was even brave enough to vacation with us for a week this summer and loved every minute of it. The truth be told she does more for and with our children than any of the my cousins kids.

I didn't mean to rattle on so long

But, adoption is a wonderful thing. It is not second best. God is good! He knows how we where supposed to become a family. And I now thank Him for not allowing me to get pregnant as I prayed for so long. If I had become pregnant we would not have ever had a chance to know and love these three kids.

Good Luck to you.
Lacy