I was just on another message board where a bunch of women were talking about how women move from the lower class to the middle class of society.. and one of the responses was to get married and marry well.
Someone asked, well, how do you do that? and the reply was "first of all, lose some weight. No successful man in his right mind is going to want a fat chick. It's just not attractive".
So I thought about all of the beautiful ladies of soulcysters who are married, happy, TTC, are judged for who they are and not how much they weigh.
Then I thought about all of the skinny women who laugh at us, go through hell and high water to stay skinny and still can't hold on to their husbands.
I'm not saying that being skinny is bad, but it's not a prerequisite for sustaining a good marriage.
This is kind of a rant, but I'm proud of my soulcysters.
Here's my question:
If you consider yourself to be overweight and are in a happy, healthy relationship:
Do you feel pressure to lose weight from your SO's friends, family, or co-workers?
Did you have an awefully hard time finding a husband?
I DO feel the pressure to lose weight, but not because of anything that was said directly to me, but what I say to myself when I see DBF's co-workers. They are beautiful, thin waitresses and, as much as I know DBF loves me for who I am, I still have a subtle fear that I might lose him to the prettier ones.
DBF's family is on the heavier side, except for his mom and sister, but his mom constantly tells me that I'm not fat. His sister has never mentioned anything about my weight either. So, basically I don't feel pressure from that side.
His friends don't really care.
I met DBF online so, no, it wasn't hard to find him.
Yes, I am ashamed of my weight, even though I have lost most of it already. I'm still not where I want to be and am still considered as "overweight." However, I think it is that shame that will push me to exercise and eat right. It's a healthy shame!
I am married and have a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I am 120 lbs. overweight. before I was married I felt a lot of pressure to loose weight from my family. Now that I ma married to a very succesful man, The only pressure I get to loose weight is from myself. I wasn't much of a dater when I was in highschool or college. I didn't start dating regularly until I was 25. I met my dh when I was 27 and was married by 29.
Compared to all my "thin" friends I hae the most successful husband, the bigger house and happiest marriage. I thank God everyday fo my loving dh. I am so proud of us and our marriage.
__________________
[font="Comic Sans MS"]Aimye (35) married to Jay (35) my hero
One IVF/FET,IC miracle JT born 8/18/06
1 perfect Angel Forever missed 10/29/04
WLS 4/14/2008
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I am married and have a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I am 120 lbs. overweight. before I was married I felt a lot of pressure to loose weight from my family. Now that I ma married to a very succesful man, The only pressure I get to loose weight is from myself. I wasn't much of a dater when I was in highschool or college. I didn't start dating regularly until I was 25. I met my dh when I was 27 and was married by 29.
Compared to all my "thin" friends I hae the most successful husband, the bigger house and happiest marriage. I thank God everyday fo my loving dh. I am so proud of us and our marriage.
I firmly believe that looks have nothing to do with how successful a relationship will or will not be. Several years ago, one of my friends, who happens to be extraordinarily beautiful (tall, perfect figure, long blond hair), smart, funny and one of the nicest people in the world, was dating a man who she loved tremendously and was with for a long time, and he cheated on her, made her feel like garbage, and then dumped her for someone else. It all has to do with the type of person with whom you are in the relationship with. The man I mentioned above, is obviously a jerk. If looks had anything to do with anything, he would have stuck with her and been happy (although clearly she is much better off to be rid of him).
So, all of those ladies mentioned in Ms. Peaches original message, who are looking for a man who would never take a second glance at a "fat chick"...well, those women can have those guys...because I certainly would not want to be subjected to life with a man with that type of attitude.
The important thing in making a relationship work for the long haul is finding someone who respects and cares for you.
I am overweight in my eyes...My nutrionists tells me Healthy is 160 range So I still have 20 pounds to go.
I am in a very lovely relationship. I was heavier when I saw him for the first time after he was released from the army. I promised him I would loose wieght etc.. He has seen me at worst, best and all the in betweens and He says he can't love me anymore than he already does. With the ex though I felt TONS of pressure to loose wieght...He was a porn addict, and cheated on me with all Blonde hair big boob thin girls...One summer I lost so much wieght to suprise him just to say "Hey look A$$H*** I'm a Hot chick just like the ones you cheated on me with!" He stayed by my side only until i got fat again and he started his ways.... His friends would have dropped there GF for me and I was told that when I was fat and thin. They couldn't to this day understand why he was such a looser
Am I ashamed of my wieght...When I shop for clothes, Yes. Its kinda like well wow how did I let myself get this way. In all reality, I ate healthy and was working out like race horse...Theres nothing more I could do.
__________________ Romance Enhancement Specialist
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Do you know anyone who lives in Canada, Australia, the UK who would want to be in on a ground floor opportunity? If so, please let me know who they are!
L (27) & J (30) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
11.11.06 we were married; 01.18.08 Evan Connor arrived
"The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I am overweight! I had no trouble finding my husband and we are incredibly happy. I was at my biggest when I married him and he never presures me to lose weight. He pressures me to just be happy and stop stressing all the time. Thanks for the info.
cysterls
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
If you consider yourself to be overweight and are in a happy, healthy relationship: Yes, I consider myself to be overweight, and I have been (mostly) happily married for 3 years.
Do you feel pressure to lose weight from your SO's friends, family, or co-workers? My husband tells me all the time that I look great. My co-workers really don't care one way or the other. My mother sometimes puts the pressure on.
Did you have an awefully hard time finding a husband? Yes and no. I live in a very rural area and spent A LOT of time working (where there was mostly women). Once I made the point to get out and meet people, I didn't have a hard time.
Are you ashamed of your weight? No, but I'm not happy with where it is. I have discovered more health problems in the last year than I ever wanted to have (most are PCOS-related). I want to lose weight to be healthy for me.
My self esteem sucks... but I'm happy in general. I love my life, my husband and my doggies. I wasn't looking for a husband when I found one, it just sort of happened, so I'm not sure how that equates to the 'trouble finding a mate' issue. For the first six months I stayed at a distance from him, always thinking in the back of my mind, he'll find a hot skinny chick anytime now! He is kind of a jock and well built, I figured I was his low maintenance 'fling' or something'. Well, that never happened and after three years of dating and three of marriage, there is no hint of it. In regards to my weight, he never says anything. He said it makes him sad to know that I dislike my body and am uncomfortable, but he thinks I look great. He did mention the other day that now that we know what my 'deal' is health wise and that I've been diagnosed with PCOS -- I should focus on health, not weight. He said that as long as I live a long and healthy life with him, that's all that matters. I'm not sure if his friends comment on my weight, I doubt it, since they're my friends too. My family doesn't bug me on my weight either. If I comment on it, my father just says that's how I'm built and I look fine.
*I* am ashamed of my weight. I am uncomfortable. Shopping for clothes is depressing. Of course, that is something most larger women feel. It's prominent now because I have been looking for something to wear to a wedding and I can't find anything flattering!
I guess that sums it up. The weird thing in all of this is I'm a pretty laid back and content person. Life rocks! I just wish there was less of me to lug around.
I am about 37kgs/80lbs over my ideal weight of 65kgs/143lbs or less. I've been engaged to a wonderful man for 3.5 years, together four (it's actually our anniversary on the 29th of this month!!) When we actually met though I was at my ideal weight, but over the last 2-3 years because I went of BCP it has slowly crept on, and on, and on. He says he loves me no matter what I weigh, and I believe him. But he does want me to lose some weight because I have health problems related to being overweight, and he wants me to be healthy and happy. He has been nothing but supportive and loving, and I am truely greatful for him.
Do you feel pressure to lose weight from your SO's friends, family, or co-workers? Nope. Most of the women in Adam's family are overweight, including his mum and older sister, so they wouldn't say anything about my weight (well, not to me or Adam anyway). His co-workers are really nice people, and if they did say anything, I would just tell them where they can shove their negative opinion, lol. Same as if his friends said anything. I don't appreaciate people telling me their 'opinions' on stuff like that, and I have no qualms about giving them a piece of my mind. There is one women who is his boss' "girlfriend" (not really bf and gf, but that's a long story) who keeps making comments, though they are kind ones, about how I should get out there and exercise and lose weight, but no matter how much I explain to her about my condition and how it's not as easy for me as 'normal' people (whatever normal is, lol), she just doesn't get it. But I know she doesn't say stuff to hurt me, because she is a really lovely person, she just doesn't understand and she feels that she's just trying to help me.
Did you have an awefully hard time finding a husband? Nope, not at all. We've been together since I was 17 (him 18), and we met online.
Are you ashamed of your weight? I am not so much "ashamed" of it, as more inconveinienced by it. Being a larger lass is not easy physically or mentally. I don't like being this weight, and I am trying to do something about it, but that's more for my own health and wellbeing, not because I'm ashamed of it. Everyone is different, and you shouldn't feel ashamed by who you are.
I think that there is someone wonderful out there for everyone, you just have to be open to new things. I know plenty of skinny, beautiful women who are single or can't get or keep a good man, just like I know plenty of larger women who have wonderful partners. If you are confident and happy and open to life, then it will be easier to find your match. Never give up hope!!
__________________ Bethwyn ~ 25 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DF Adam ~ 27 DS Bailey (Feb 2007) ~ our Soy & Metformin baby!
DS Lucas (June 2008) ~ another Metformin baby! 3 Angels in Heaven.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
this is a really interesting thread. i believe that a successful marriage has more to do with "inner qualities" like a person's character tahn outer qualities, like looks. however, if you want to marry for the sake of moving upward, then 1. you're lacking something on the inside and 2. you're not going to care if your marriage lasts, as long as you get what you want out of it, such as a change in status. but i think the people who marry for love, even if they have financial difficulties, will have more happiness in life. or maybe contentment is a better word than happiness.
for me, yes, i am overweight. and yes, i have been ashamed of it. i didn't like who i was, but always felt so helpless to change it. right now i'm in the process of losing weight (50 lbs gone) and it really freaks me out, as well as being proud of myself for doing it. i am so afraid that the weight will come back on, as it always has in the past. i am the cliche yo-yo dieter. but this time should be different because i am of the mindset to make definite lifestyle and mind-set changes. so, with the help of God, i should be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle henceforth. but it certainly is a struggle each day to make the right choices and not indulge bad habits.
i was most definitely overweight (techinically obese) when i met my bf. we have a very content, healthy relationship. he has never criticized my weight, nor has his family or friends. can't answer the "husband" question, cuz we're not there yet! but i guess the pressure i feel to not be overweight is societal on one hand (i'd say more from other women and from younger people, as well as media brainwashing), and from within myself at the same time, not wanting to have as serious diabetes and problems that other family members have at such a young age.
__________________ Chel (36) dx 11/2002 blog.myspace.com/deu316 married 2-17-07 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. to mr. b 220/163.5/140
The important thing in making a relationship work for the long haul is finding someone who respects and cares for you.
I totally agree with Jen. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and not how much I weigh. We don't have a lot of money but we love and care for eachother.It really doesn't matter how much a man makes just as long as he treats you right.
__________________ Amy Diagnosed with PCOS in 2002 irregular cycles Metformin 850mg 2x a day To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
If you consider yourself to be overweight and are in a happy, healthy relationship:
Yes I have 40 pounds to loose to feel great..but this is all about me. I'm in a happy, healthy relationship . My DH loves the extra junk in the trunk So he'll be happy if I loose weight or not.. Do you feel pressure to lose weight from your SO's friends, family, or co-workers?
Not a all!!! The thing that does bother me is when I visit relatives I haven't seen and they remember when I was super thin..and make the comment "you've gained weight" Hello!! I'm not a little girl anymore. But it doesn't make me want to go drop 40 pounds tomorrow. Did you have an awefully hard time finding a husband?
You know I had did alot of dating and out of it all, I learned what I wanted and didn't want. I was at peace with being by myself for 6 months, went over to my mothers house and her best friend and brother were there..I ended up marrying him 2 years later. God is good...and right on time. It's always in his time.
Are you ashamed of your weight?
Not at all..I think I'm more ashamed of how thin my hair got over my weight. I've got a couple pair of jeans that I spent alot of money on recently to motivate me to loose weight. I'm almost in them!! whohoo!!
__________________ God Bless!
Myla
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Kara
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
If you consider yourself to be overweight and are in a happy, healthy relationship:
oh i don't consider my self i down right am over weight at 5' and 254lbs. (i'm a plump cyster) I'm married just celebrated a year on monday, been with the same man for 5 yrs this dec 21. I have love and support of my husband. I'd say it's happy and healthy.
Do you feel pressure to lose weight from your SO's friends, family, or co-workers?
I've never felt pressure from my husband or friends or even co workers in resent years to lose weight. I have felt it from my drs and my own body. When i was younger i had friends and family who would say you need to lose weight, no guy is gonna go out with you ( lordy did i have a lot of boyfriends in highschoo)
Did you have an awefully hard time finding a husband?
Never had a hard time doing that, specially sence when i graduated highschool. i dated alot on line so people had to get to know who i was, heart and soul first before they meet me. And even my ex husband will tell you he fell in love wiht my spirit not my body. ( especially sence later it came out he was gay *roflmao* not knocking on anyone who lives that life )
Are you ashamed of your weight?
At times yes i'm ashamed but, on the other hand you know what i'm doing the best i can to keep it from going up and being active and if the people around me knowing them or not can't stand to see me out their in a tank tinnie ( the boy shorts and tank top bathingsuit top ) and my chunky thighs haning out the bottom of my shorts and the dark arm pits showing when i go to dive in, well get over it, i'm happy!
to hell with what the world things they don't live in my home and i'll probably never see you again. You may carry me for the rest of your life because you found me so discusting or you wondered what was wrong with me instead of asking me. So let me be your weight, but i won't let you be mine
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
You ladies look so lovely.... 
The weird thing in all of this is I'm a pretty laid back and content person. Life rocks! I just wish there was less of me to lug around. 
So he'll be happy if I loose weight or not..
