My hubby and I have been trying to have another baby for around 8 1/2 years to no avail. So, in November we decided to try to adopt my niece and nephew and nothing really started happening until the last couple days. Two days ago we got a call from the SW looking for info, yesterday she said they were opening our case, and then yesterday we also got the paperwork for our foster parent training.
THEN - last night, a very good friend of mine called me and began the conversation like this.... Would you be interested in adopting a NEWBORN BABY?
I almost fell over. Obviously I told her that of course I would nad then I started asking questions such as whose baby, do you know the health background, etc. It seems her niece is 4 months pregnant and in jail. She has two kids of her own that her mother is already raising and has already given up another child for adoption. She's facing three years in jail for welfare fraud, of all things, and doesn't want this baby.
So, there I stand thinking a miracle has just sucker punched me and my life will now be perfect and I will have a newborn, a 2 year old, a 4 year old and a 9 year old child. The four kids I always dreamed of, when my hubby burst my bubble by saying..... "I don't know if I could handle having four kids."
OH MY GOD - that was almost like another sucker punch. I went from the mountaintop to the valley in mere seconds. I am still attempting to recover. He said if he had to make the decision right then (which of course he didn't) that he would say No.
Now I am just trying to be very understanding. I know it would be a huge undertaking to go from one child to four children but, oh I want this so bad! I cannot imagine having to say no.
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
Wow! I think my eyes nearly popped out of my head when i read this. I think it's wonderful news. I know it's a big decision and I know it is a shocker for your DH as well. It's a big step. It will be praying for you and your husband and the decisions your going to be making.
What about the BF has he terminated his rights or will he?
I wish you the best, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.
If you ever need to talk let me know
My best to you and your family. (((hugs))) Keep us posted on things.
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I have no idea about the bf. I know they were living together before she got sent to jail but that is all I know. I have this vague memory of my friend saying that he took off when she found out she was pregnant, but I was so shocked I couldn't tell you if that actually was said or not.
I never thought to consider his rights, actually. How selfish of me. I feel like I am totally lost here. I am just starting to learn about the adoption process I have no idea what kind of things we need to ask. This situation is so very different from the other that I feel even more anxious since I know so little.
I never realized that the saying "when it rains, it pours" was true in good instances too!
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
Well, my guess would be that your DH will come around...eventually. Especially if you get the other two kids in your custody and that goes well.
As for the BF, you MUST track him down and get a release of parental rights. Most of the overturned adoptions you hear about in the news are because the BF wasn't properly contacted and decided he wants the baby. That would be a MUST for me if doing a domestic adoption. I would not consider doing it without the BF being notified (unless it was a situation like a rape where even if BF wanted the baby he would be unlikely to be found fit to parent).
__________________ Holly (30)
DH (32)
Brett (born 10/8/2003 in Korea)
Miran (born 8/27/2004 in Korea)
2 DDoggies (Tugger & Jett)
4 DKitties (Lita, Zeppelin, Tabitha, Cinder)
PCOS 16 Yrs
Diagnosed 13 Yrs
2000 Mg Metformin
NO LONGER TTC after 3 failed IVFs
Adoptive mom of 2 amazing kids from South Korea (Miran is expected home in April/May 2005)
Wow! That is amazing!! I bet your DH will come around... As for the BF, you have to track him down. HLLB is right, that's why most of the domestic adoptions are turned down...
Good Luck!
Traci
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You might consider talking with slhightower (Stephanie) - I'm sure if you PM her she'll talk with you - she's really nice and she and her hubby recently adopted three boys. She might be able to give some good advice, perspective - and at the very least she'll understand the thoughts and feelings you're having.
__________________ Mandy
Proud Mommy to Emily born April 7, 2005 and Joseph born January 17, 2008
Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I will try pm-ing slhightower about this. It would be nice to know how they coped with such a huge change and even some her dh's feelings.
As far as the bf I will definitely look further into that situation! Thanks again for the comments - it's wonderful to have a bunch of "big cysters" to turn to for advice!
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
Sit that hubbie down and hash out the nitty gritty I bet he will come around
Wow you are so fortunate
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Oct 09 - Femara 5mgs Days 3-7 BFN
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I am leaning more and more towards adoption, whether we can get pg or not, and this story just made me grin from ear to ear!
If he's anything like my dh, he needs time to sort things through, but with several serious discussions will eventually come around. Give him time.
Plz do make sure that things with the BF do get completely straightened away before you do anything though - if I see even one more of those heartbreaking stories about some lousy deadbeat sperm donor changing his mind and taking the children away from their adoptive parents after months and months, I'LL SCREAM.
Sorry I haven't been here in while ladies, been crazy busy at work and also on another board.
Anyway, here's a quick update: My hubby said that if we weren't already trying to adopt two children, while already having one of our own, or if the adoption fell through, that he would say yes to the newborn right away. However, considering that we are trying to adopt Devon and Savanah, he just isn't sure. He said he isn't saying a definite no yet but that he doesn't feel we have room for four children.
I think he's just scared about finances which is a valid fear but how much difference can one more make?!
Anyway, I've tried pouting and begging and hinting but I have done it all in good humor. I suppose I will learn to live with his final decision one way or the other. I really want that baby but I will not hold it against him (at least not for any longer than 50 years or so! ) if he decides he cannot say yes. Besides, like I said he hasn't said an absolute No yet! So like you ladies said, he may come around.
Also - I've considered suggesting that we take the baby in as a foster child first and then that would give him time to get attached! Then he would definitely want to adopt the baby too. It wouldn't matter anymore that the kids would share rooms and we would have a huge family. All that would matter would be that he loved the baby, right? I'm keeping my hopes alive.
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
Well, another thing to consider with domestic adoption is the fact that you have to have one bedroom per child unless the children are of the same sex, regardless if you are adopting a sibling group.
So, even if brother and sister lived in the same room at their other house, they would have to be housed in seperate rooms in your house.
Consider you don't know the sex of this unborn child. Will this alter the living arrangements? (Unbalance the rooms to where you'd have to build on, etc?)
Also, BF isn't the only one you have to worry about. You haven't heard from BM that this is her decision. From what I understand, this "offer" is from an aunt who just assumes that because BM gave one up, she's going to give another up.
It may not be the case this time.
Best of luck to you.
__________________ Kristi
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Also, BF isn't the only one you have to worry about. You haven't heard from BM that this is her decision. From what I understand, this "offer" is from an aunt who just assumes that because BM gave one up, she's going to give another up.
Don't mean to butt in but...she already said the BM didn't want this baby & she's facing 3 years in jail...
I bet you can convince DH to at least foster the baby He'd get attached & you'd have your family!
Good Luck!
Traci
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2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
RE said IVF next To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ....starting IVF Feb/March 2010
I have a sad update to this thread. The BM lost the baby so the whole thing is a moot point anyway. I feel for her since it must be horrible to miscarry, and worse yet to miscarry in jail. I doubt she is receeving much sympathy there.
Anyway ladies, thanks for keeping up with this thread. It's wonderful to have a place to go to get info and even just someone to use as a sounding board on occassion.
BTW - regarding having a separate room, perhaps that is a state by state thing? When checking into that here I was told by CFS that you are allowed 3 children per room as long as you have a room big enough to put two twin beds in it and still have safe walking space.
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Me - 31, DH - 32,
Momma to Kaelyn (10), Devon (6), and Savanah (4)
The shortest distance from a problem to its solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything!
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS...I'm flabbergasted! 
) if he decides he cannot say yes. Besides, like I said he hasn't said an absolute No yet! So like you ladies said, he may come around. 
